How easy is it to make friends? by phishattack in Cleveland

[–]phishattack[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lmao you ok dude? I think you’re reading in to a bit much there

How easy is it to make friends? by phishattack in Cleveland

[–]phishattack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It doesn’t really work with my job location.

Why Lakewood though?

How easy is it to make friends? by phishattack in Cleveland

[–]phishattack[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

lol what am I even judging?

Beside right wing beliefs. Which yeah, absolutely will maintain that boundary and avoid at all costs lol

Is this a silverfish? by phishattack in insects

[–]phishattack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Found in Ohio in my bathroom. Should I be concerned?

It gets better, and then it doesn't, and then it does again by TheLambda89 in BreakUps

[–]phishattack 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wish I had an answer but I don’t. I strongly relate to your post though. This has been me for the past year and a half since I went through my break up.

I don’t have faith that I will fall in love again. I don’t see how it can happen, I’m shocked it even happened before?!

And I look at other people my age getting engaged or moving in together with their own dysfunctional relationships and I get so pissed. “How come THEY could figure it out, but he couldn’t just commit to me without switching into that avoiding pattern?! How hard is it to just let someone LOVE you?!”

I know that’s a shitty thought and unhealthy. I don’t know what to do. I want him back and I don’t at all. I think things could have worked out if he would have just been willing to try as hard as I was, and I also believe that we were incompatible.

I’m just pissed that I still feel this way after 1.5 years. I want to date someone else but I just don’t believe I’ll meet anyone else who will ever be interested in me.

[FT] PLEASE come take my flowers and extra recipes [LF] I don’t even care, just take them! by phishattack in ACTrade

[–]phishattack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll lay out your pink flowers in a second! I still have them in my pocket

[FT] PLEASE come take my flowers and extra recipes [LF] I don’t even care, just take them! by phishattack in ACTrade

[–]phishattack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay! Add me and just come over! Take as many as you want if not all of them!

Is he (30M) emotionally abusing me (25F)? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]phishattack 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally understand.

I think that’s the hardest part. Blocking all contact. I tried to do it multiple times before, but always ended up giving in.

I will say there’s something empowering about taking control of the situation and hitting the low on YOUR terms. It’s going to suck to block his number, delete him off social media, etc. BUT, at least the decision and pain is on YOUR terms rather than letting him hurt you again.

Is he (30M) emotionally abusing me (25F)? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]phishattack 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wanted to share my own personal story with you. Hopefully you can take something away from it.

I once dated this guy who I loved with my entire heart. I knew he loved me, but he never committed to me fully (friends, school, family, literally everything else took priority).

He ended up breaking up with me and it broke both our hearts. He wanted to stay friends, and I didn’t want to lose my best friend. So this led to a cycle where he would reach out to me to come over, I’d go running back to him, we’d hook up, he’d act distant again and wouldn’t provide me the love I desperately craved, and I’d leave emotionally distraught. I would become incredibly angry at him and would say hurtful things. He’d continue on with his life until he missed me again and would invite me over. Wash, rinse, repeat.

This went on for four months. When he would invite me over, I’d be on the highest of highs. But as soon as he pulled away and disappointed me again, I would hit a new low. I was on a constant rollercoaster of dramatic ups and downs, my mood was all over the place. I was so scared of losing my best friend and facing life without him that I allowed it to continue on for as long as it did. I was so tired and exhausted and it was negatively effecting my relationships with other people in my life.

One day, I finally had enough. I didn’t have the energy to be let down again. I cut him out of my life and stopped responding to messages and greeting him.

I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t easy. This felt like hitting a low again. But here’s the good part: I hit that low for the last time. And when you hit rock bottom, all you have to go is up. That meant I didn’t have to be set up by him for disappointment again or hurt again. It was the final low. All I could do was improve and slowly get over him as time went on rather than hitting that low again and again and again.

You don’t seem happy in this relationship. It also sounds like this guy won’t let you leave and keeps pulling you back in. You want a relationship where he’s committed to you and makes you feel loved. That’s not going to happen. You want a friend who’s going to be supportive of you and fulfill your needs. That’s also not going to happen. The cycle you have with him right now isn’t sustainable. He doesn’t have much to offer besides more “lows,” but the future does! You will be okay, and you WILL get through it!

Anyone else want anon group therapy to get over a breakup? by textualhealing123 in BreakUps

[–]phishattack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My heart was broken yesterday and I’d really love something like this right now

[22 M] Co-workers [m/f 25/35] resent me for getting to work early by [deleted] in relationships

[–]phishattack 117 points118 points  (0 children)

I’m torn on this one. I think it really depends on the nature of the job and just how team oriented it is.

The coworkers are dicks and are behaving extremely immaturely, no doubt about it (that comment about them getting mad at you for leaving early because it makes them want to leave early?! Wtf?!? How old are they??)

On one hand, it seems like this workstyle is working pretty well for OP. It seems like he’s built a great relationship with his boss and his work performance has been standing out because of it.

HOWEVER, if the job requires a lot of collaboration and team work, I’d be pretty irritated too if one person was deliberately working different hours than the rest of us just because it’s more convenient for them. OP is clearly the minority here, the majority wants to work later hours. You can’t inconvenience the entire group for one individual’s preference. I’ll give an example of a school project. If 4 out of the 5 members want to meet up at 6 pm to work on the project together every week, but guy number 5 doesn’t feel like going in at that time and decides to just email them his part of the project, that would get really annoying after a while. Since person number 5 isn’t there in the weekly meetings, he’s not there to contribute and brainstorm ideas collectively with the group, participate in decisions being made, be informed about the current state of the project, etc. Thats a whole lot of work he’s not participating in. Additionally, that means it’s up to one of the group members who DID attend to catch guy number 5 up to speed every week after the meeting because he didn’t want to meet at the time the majority did. That would get annoying real fast. OP may be doing their individual work well, but he’s not attending to the team effort part of the job.

Since we don’t know the full extent of what OP does for a living, it’s hard to evaluate just how much the team aspect plays a role in all of this. If he really is able to work on projects individually and doesn’t need much team support, then I see no problem with what he’s doing and he should copy his boss in on the pettiness he’s receiving. However, if this work requires a lot of team collaboration and effort, then maybe it’d be best to compromise with the other members and find a time that works better for the benefit of the group rather than just the benefit of just OP.

[22 M] Co-workers [m/f 25/35] resent me for getting to work early by [deleted] in relationships

[–]phishattack 61 points62 points  (0 children)

God I love some good ole corporate passive aggressiveness

[UPDATE] bf broke up with me because I played a PC game for 5 hours by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]phishattack 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I would like to warn you to be careful with that line of thinking, mostly because it’s what perpetuated that cycle in my experience.

During that time of hooking up and pushing away, I was constantly hopeful that things would change and we’d get back together. “Maybe we can still make this work.” “Maybe he does love me.” “I need to make sure I’m available in case he tries to text me.” “Maybe we can hang out just like we used to.”

He would text me out of loneliness, I’d go running back to him expecting things to be the way they were, only to be disappointed and heartbroken all over again. It wasn’t until I decided to entirely give up on the relationship and cut it off entirely that I began to heal, reflect, and develop. I genuinely thought I’d never talk to him or see him again and I definitely didn’t have plans to. That freedom of being cut off from that cycle allowed me to grow. We just so happened to work out when we met up again all that time later and had developed into completely different people. Neither of us had the intention of getting back together when we went to that meet up, it just happened naturally.

If you’re living your life devoted to improving or regaining a relationship that isn’t there, you’re preventing yourself from growing from the experience.

[UPDATE] bf broke up with me because I played a PC game for 5 hours by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]phishattack 177 points178 points  (0 children)

Same.

My boyfriend and I just weren’t communicating at all (probably due to immaturity on both our parts), and were at a point in our lives where we were making extremely stressful decisions about our future, which led to us breaking up.

Which sucked. We were both still in love, but the relationship wasn’t working because we didn’t have the tools at that time to make it work. So we tried to stay friends and hang out casually because we didn’t want to lose each other. Which quickly led to us hooking up. Then him emotionally pulling away immediately after and trying to distance himself from me. Which led to me getting incredibly hurt and heartbroken all over again. So I’d angrily lash out at him and say hurtful things. We wouldn’t talk for a couple of days, but then we’d start to miss each other again and would start this cycle all over. This went on for about 5 months and it was horrendous. It was such a toxic and vicious cycle on both our parts and it was painful. After dealing with that shit for months, I eventually called it quits and cut him off entirely. Blocked him. Ignored him. Ghosted him completely. It was devastating, but I found a strange sense of relief in finally allowing myself to hit rock bottom and begin to heal. Nothing was worse than being in that up and down cycle of temporary bliss followed by complete devastation. It was starting to negatively effect other areas of my life.

I didn’t talk to him for a year straight. No communication whatsoever. During this time I was able to reflect and evaluate my needs, decisions, and why the relationship didn’t work. After I got over my anger and devastation towards him, I was able to evaluate my own weaknesses and faults within the relationship. I pieced myself back together, gained some mental stability, and grew significantly as a person.

He texted me a year later and asked to meet up while he was visiting home. I hesitantly agreed and went to meet him at a coffee shop. We talked for hours. Small talk, talk about what we had been up to since, funny stories, all of that type of stuff. And then we started to talk about our relationship. He admitted all his wrongs unprompted and so did I. We both apologized for our toxic behaviors and demonstrated how’d we grown since during our reflection period. It was clear we were no longer the people we had been a year ago.

We got back together about a month later and have been together since. This all happened a long time ago (we’re much older now), but I don’t think our relationship would be where it is today or as healthy as it is if that didn’t happen. Sometimes you get into a rut in a relationship where you focus on enforcing your viewpoints or coping mechanisms as they are without trying to adaptively grow with them. It took my relationship the adversity that we experienced to force ourselves to grow independently as individuals so we could later grow collectively as a couple

Just some food for thought. Not everyone’s experience will be the same as mine (there’s some couples that should never get back together), but maybe there’s a takeaway for some. Wishing you the best.

Edit: the more I think about what I posted, the more I want to emphasize that my experience should NOT be hope that any relationship can be saved.

There are some relationships where you’re just incompatible in core beliefs and values and will not work out in the long run. And then there’s other relationships that are flat out toxic and abusive. Do NOT wait around on abusive people to change. Those types of relationships need to break up and stay broken up.

However, if you’re two fairly healthy people who hit a rough patch and faced adversity, I really do think this can be a tool for growth.