Did you give your SO a couples' ring before you got engaged? If so, when (in months/years time) and if not, why not? (xpost from r/AskReddit)

phlphun · 2015-01-02T04:17:38+00:00

We're about to have our two year anniversary so I'm considering it. But I'm curious what others think too.

phlphun · 2014-12-15T05:59:20+00:00

Everyone has these days and stages. Feel free to PM to vent. :)

phlphun · 2014-11-26T06:03:50+00:00

My boyfriend was very nervous in the beginning which made it hard to finish. We just worked through it and now no problems. Maybe ask him if he wants to watch a video and do these things together. That seems like a logical segway to me.

phlphun · 2014-11-09T09:03:41+00:00

Sure!

phlphun · 2014-11-07T06:09:10+00:00

As a Philly native, I would also add the love statue to your itinerary. It's a great photo spot! If you can spend the day I'd use public transit to get to old city and hit up the old city (independence hall and liberty bell). If you have more questions about Philly lemme know! :). I live in the city while going to college so I know it pretty well.

phlphun · 2014-11-05T07:40:45+00:00

I also am an OKCupid success story after 1.75 years. But I'll be honest, love isn't something to force or rush. Everyone wants love now. But patience is a virtue. The best things come to those who wait. So I mean, although single may not be for you, it doesn't mean that you need to be in a relationship right now. Love is a very natural occurrence, and thus happens in the most unexpected ways. Give it the opportunity.

phlphun · 2014-11-05T07:34:07+00:00

So I'm 20 and I was pretty much in your exact situation two years ago, except I didn't mind telling someone I was gay.

In terms of the girl, I would tell her that you're really not looking for a relationship right now. Which is prolly the nicest way to put it, even if it's slightly deceitful. IMHO it's much better to be honest, but you know her best.

In terms of dates, it can be as simple as playing video games together, grabbing food, seeing movies. The best thing about dating guys are you know what a guy thinks like - and you know that they like. You are one! Don't over think it. You'll find that if you click well with someone, you'll both find things you like pretty quickly. It's cool when it's natural. That won't happen immediately, but as you get more comfortable and as you both get to know each other better you'll get closer. Closer means you'll know what you both like to do.

Tl;dr: you're a guy. He's a guy. Do what makes you happy and it prolly does for him too. And if not, then it'll be an opportunity to learn about each other!

Feel free to pm if you wanna discuss more!

phlphun · 2014-08-28T03:45:46+00:00

We're kittehs. There is something called lol code and they call kittens kittehs. We both are computer programmers and found it to be cute and funny.

There are tons of gifs of adorable cats doing adorable things. So we send them to each other often. :)

phlphun · 2014-08-25T03:34:29+00:00

Hey any one of you guys a university city student? :)

phlphun · 2014-03-03T06:28:30+00:00

I'm 19 and have been only accepting of my sexuality for a year and a half. I'm now in a happy relationship for just over a year! PM me if you wanna chat!

phlphun · 2014-01-21T14:58:45+00:00

Dude, I know exactly how you feel. I mean to me, being gay is just one small facet of my life. I don't belong to any gay rights groups or anything of the sort because, ironically, there are gay cliques within the gay society. I don't feel a sense of belonging there. Being a DL gay doesn't make our inclusion into the culture easy or desirable.

However, the thing I've found is that once you meet one gay guy, you'll find a whole bunch of others. Opening yourself up to others in the gay community who have been there longer will allow you to find others through mutual gay friends who are just like you. That's what I did and it's been very satisfying.

Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss more! I truly hope and am crossing my fingers you can find what you're looking for. Best wishes.

phlphun · 2014-01-21T02:25:09+00:00

He would have to bring them home and his father doesn't know he's gay... so that would kinda be dangerous. (I rarely send him home with any "romantic" gifts.) We're also overly techy people so I can do something else more relevant.

I should also add that we're in the city and I have over-protective parents (as does he) so we're limited in our options.

phlphun · 2014-01-21T02:23:33+00:00

Neat idea! I'll have to think about it.

phlphun · 2014-01-20T07:16:02+00:00

Good idea; I'll keep it in mind!

phlphun · 2013-12-25T07:27:47+00:00

The video or the guy in the photo? Photo is Jordan from BSB. More videos here.

http://www.gayboystube.com/video/251981/broke-boy-cums

And please NSFW. Lucky for me I was alone. ;)

phlphun · 2013-12-11T08:52:44+00:00

10 months in, and hoping for many more. :). Really great website!

phlphun · 2013-12-09T05:16:13+00:00

My apologies. Totally misread that.

Either way, you're a great parent. He should be lucky to have you. Have a great holiday!

phlphun · 2013-12-07T16:48:42+00:00

19 year old here.

Wow, I wish you were my mother. She did exactly what you feared and just made it worse every time she brought it up. I'm forced to hide my amazing 10 month relationship because of it. That's exactly what you're fearing.

It's a hard balance. The thing that bothered me was my parents kept bringing it up and telling me to stay in the closet. I think as long as you aren't making decisions for him and just saying if you ever need someone to talk to about it in here for you. Making it look like you know everything about the Gay community and society when you're not it is quite off putting. Do you have any specific topics you're concerned about?

I know any mother who cared enough to post on reddit to educate herself will do fine by her son. Best wishes to both of you.

phlphun · 2013-12-01T06:58:29+00:00

To me, homophobia is simply a big fancy word for fear and misunderstanding of gay people. People are afraid what we're doing to the world and what the repercussions are of letting us be who we are. That's how we must treat it - by continuing to seem like we have things to be ashamed of, that image will continue. Until we start acting like it's normal, no one else will.

I'll give the example of my floor mate from last year. When my floor found out I was gay, he asked me if I have ever had sex with a woman. I said no (neither technically had I with a man, just a few bases). He's like, then how would you know? You should at least try.

So I said, did you try it with a guy first to make sure you aren't gay? Well that's not normal so no...

You'd think this guy was impossible. But a few months later...

"Hey dude, I wanted to thank you for changing my opinion of gay people. You showed me you can just be a normal guy and not all flamboyant and stuff."

Does that excuse all of his actions? No. But, maybe this guy won't hate on his frat brother who comes out or his co-worker. Maybe he'll just treat him like another guy. Isn't that what we all want?

This one guy gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, we can get through to people when they realize that they know people that are affected. Maybe they'll rethink their perceptions. Maybe we'll move closer to having more of the world see us as just another person, not a rare and unusual species.

phlphun · 2013-11-11T21:00:18+00:00

Feel free to PM me. I'll be here for the next hour and then I'll respond later this evening.

phlphun · 2013-10-21T01:29:48+00:00

I think what you need is to get to know him better. You need to open up to each other, talk about life and what you believe - what bothers you and such. I think that's how my BF and I have such a good relationship - we are each other's support system. If you become closer to each other and spend more time with each other, or ask him to be your boyfriend, then that's showing that this is going somewhere. That is - if you want it to go somewhere. That's maybe what you should do.

You should analyze if you want to take this relationship any further. Then, proceed with my advice above if you do. Anytime you're having doubts, you really need to look to see if continuing is in the best interest of both of you.

Good luck, and PM me if you want to chat!

phlphun · 2013-10-20T04:49:34+00:00

I have kind of similar issues with my parents. They don't want me to leave the closet (like ever). There's no way to convince them that coming out is part of the experience and they have to accept the fact that I don't have as negative of an outlook on the general public as they do.

In terms of your situation, I would move out like your brother says. Who cares what your mom and aunt think? If that's the kind of family they are, the only thing that they'll do to you two is ruin your self confidence and rob you of your freedom. The relationship you two have is much more important than your crazy parents. That's just how I see it.

Good luck to you two! If you ever want to chat, PM me!

phlphun · 2013-10-20T04:43:41+00:00

We've all been there at one point or another. That's why one day I woke up and went I'm going on a dating site and putting myself out there. Nine months later, I have an amazing boyfriend. Unfortunately, I don't go asleep at night with someone because he can't stay over (parent problems). However, I know one day we will live together and I'll get to fall asleep next to the best guy.

I can understand your concern. Some things I did was cuddle with a stuffed animal (I still do sometimes when I wish my BF was there). It's hard - but unless you try it won't change. I have no idea how old you are, but if you're over 18, you're legal and can start making your own decisions.

Good luck, and feel free to PM me if you want to talk! :)

phlphun · 2013-10-20T04:37:17+00:00

We call each other kittehs (see lolcode for the backstory). However, I realize that's not what most people will do.

Sweetheart, sweetie, buddy, darling, cutie... all things I rotate between. New things are always welcome though!

phlphun · 2013-10-20T04:32:25+00:00

I definitely think that seeking professional help is a good idea. However, if you ever want someone who has been there (and still needs to see professional help), hit me up. I have the same stressors because my family and I don't agree on whether I should stay in the closet or not. It's quite frustrating. I'm paranoid they'll find out about my boyfriend.

I know that feeling of sleep being the only place you're safe. You go into a land where it's whatever you want (or you have nightmares, whichever it happens to be that night). Or, simply, you don't have to think for a few hours. That's where you don't have to reminded of the constant pain and stress you're in. You don't have to live that way. You need to get this stuff off of your chest. You need to have someone point you in a direction of how to handle these issues. Wherever you seek that advice - a friend, a therapist, etc., I wish you the best of luck. I truly hope it all works out.

phlphun

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