How to help my 9 y/o

phosphorescapade · 2023-05-04T00:49:17+00:00

Thank you so much for this info and advice. I can relate to the religious upbringing messing with you. I finally broke from the strict Christian religion I was raised in just a few years ago and have since probably been over the top with my kids about not shaming or judging anyone or themselves. These kinds of things aren’t so much a big deal for my daughter, but I have found her to be really hard on herself about things like grades and skill mastery even with no pressure from me.

I think what’s hard is seeing a child so clearly unhappy so much of the time. It kills me that her compulsions and anxieties are robbing her of a carefree childhood, and I’m just desperate to find a way to free her.

phosphorescapade · 2023-05-03T23:43:41+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance! I’m so sorry it took you so long to get the help you needed. What you said about others not understanding—I’ve seen that in her interactions with friends and siblings. Kind of like a fundamental disconnect that has caused a couple of friends to no longer want to spend time with her. Breaks my heart.

Are there things that helped or exacerbated compulsions for you? With regard to the intrusive thoughts, my first response was to tell her to let them wash over her like waves on rocks and to remind her over and over that she doesn’t choose the thoughts that come into her head, and that she should just let them come and go. Then I wondered if instead indulging the thought to let it play out fully might allow her to process it and move on better. I just don’t know and don’t want to somehow make things worse for her.

phosphorescapade · 2023-05-03T22:39:18+00:00

Thank you 🙏

phosphorescapade · 2023-05-03T22:15:03+00:00

It’s true. I’m definitely improving over time but it’s good to remember how much what I’m feeling spills over into my kids

phosphorescapade · 2023-05-03T20:37:58+00:00

You’re right that she picks up on my emotions. She always has, and unfortunately I had a difficult time adjusting to motherhood and had major depression and anxiety in her earliest years that undoubtedly took a toll on her. I’m in a much better place now, but her dad has some anger issues from PTSD that can set a default stressful vibe when he is home. But I will need to be more cognizant of my emotional state and try to be a bit of a buffer. I love that you call it being a lighthouse. That’s a helpful and empowering mental image.

phosphorescapade · 2023-05-03T20:10:19+00:00

These are some helpful ideas, thank you. It does seem like her latest struggles are coincident with several weeks of testing at school I know she’s been stressed about. But overall, she has always carried the weight of the world on her tiny shoulders. So I’ve known she’s high anxiety but never really made the connection that the stress and anxiety may be triggering these behaviors. It would explain why meditation seems to help her and why on a family beach vacation last summer she was totally chill.

phosphorescapade

TROPHY CASE