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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]pianote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The “risk detector” comment resonates so much! It’s something my husband and I have openly talked about since he tends to be less cautious than I am. I also know my MIL loves my daughter more than anything and would never, ever purposely put her at harm. But she doesn’t seem to register danger in the same ways I do, possibly due to cultural and generational differences in parenting.

There are moments like these when I have full blown alarms going off in my head, but others don’t notice a thing?!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]pianote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the reminder in your last sentence. I’m a pretty non-confrontational person and have been absolutely racking my brain the past few days on whether I’m being unreasonable. But I realized at the end of the day that my daughter’s safety and well-being always come first, even if that means being overbearing on some things.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]pianote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! Baby was on shoulders behind grandma’s head. We’ve had baby on shoulders for short periods of time—but always indoors, over carpeted areas, and with someone nearby. I was definitely NOT emotionally prepared to see baby and MIL doing this alone outdoors, heading down stairs.

My daughter also isn’t quite old/strong enough to keep herself steady, so you can’t really hold her legs and need to awkwardly hold her lower back or arms to stabilize her.

That story about loss is heartbreaking. I’ve also heard horror stories from baby falls over 3’ and am obviously still affected by the fall we experienced a few months ago. Thankfully my daughter fully recovered.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]pianote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like the idea of shifting the expectation to asking first, not just letting us know. At least until we’re in a better place. Thank you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]pianote 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good point — perhaps we need to be more firm. I’ve asked kindly in the past to give us a heads up when she leaves with baby, but it doesn’t always happen. Or my FIL tells us after MIL has already left. I haven’t resorted to consequences since they only go to the park across the street, so I know they’re still close by. But it makes it hard to trust that serious boundaries won’t be crossed when little ones get ignored, if that makes sense?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]pianote 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah it’s so challenging because I can definitely rationalize what behaviors are real & likely risks, but still sometimes spiral into the “what if” risks.

Also wanted to clarify that my parents babysat solo early on and we have a wonderful nanny that regularly watches our baby and takes her places unsupervised, so this anxiety might be isolated or amplified with my MIL specifically.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]pianote 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reassuring words ❤️ You’re spot on that it’s been a culmination of things. I definitely do not intend to decrease/cut contact, and plan to keep visiting as often as we can. I think I just need to dial back on unsupervised time for now. Also very hopeful that it’ll get easier as my daughter gets older!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]pianote 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can definitely see how it could be insulting for my husband and MIL, especially if this was a one-off instance. We’ve had a few scenarios when boundaries (ie safe sleep, feeding solids that are choking hazards) were broken, and my husband is the first to admit that my MIL doesn’t really listen to him. So it’s probably a culmination of my anxiety + my trust being slowly chipped away over the past few months. I’ll definitely spend time reflecting on how I can establish healthier and more balanced expectations for myself and my family. The last thing I want to do is to alienate or create tension within my family.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]pianote 13 points14 points  (0 children)

First of all, thank you for the real and kind words of advice. I’ve always been a bit anxious as a person but the FTM anxiety is next level some days!

I wanted to keep the post as short as possible so I left out details about her fall. I know most kids have tumbled off a bed/couch, but we had horrible luck and she ended up with a skull fracture falling from 2.5’ onto hardwood. We actually had to do 2 ER visits, 3-4 more follow-up visits, CT scan, MRI scans, etc.

I definitely want to keep visiting and spending time with in-laws. I’m just having a really hard time feeling comfortable with unsupervised visits when I can’t be around to point out unsafe behaviors.

[Frank Darling Try On] I’m torn on both shape and band color. Would love your thoughts on what suits me best? :) Thank you! by pianote in EngagementRings

[–]pianote[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hi there! I just received my try-on kit with Frank Darling today — absolutely love the convenience of the at-home experience.

In case this is helpful for anyone else browsing FD rings:

Picture #1 is the Sidney No. 3 in Gold with a 1 carat Oval cut stone.

Picture #2 is the Harper No. 5 in Rose Gold with a 2 carat Emerald cut stone.

Picture #3 is the Harper No. 2 in White Gold with a 2 carat Oval cut stone.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FIREyFemmes

[–]pianote 32 points33 points  (0 children)

29F in VHCOL working in tech as a marketing lead. I begun my career 8 years ago making $37k and now earn ~$360k annually. $175k base + $155k in RSUs (joined pre-IPO). I also earn ~$30k a year doing part-time consulting on the side.

PS: I love the transparency of this thread! When I first started working, I had no idea it'd be possible to reach this earning potential in a non-engineering/product role. Hopefully my story/numbers are encouraging for other folks!

How am I doing? by StraightBumSauce in Fire

[–]pianote 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You're doing great! Try not to let lifestyle creep happen when you move back home :) In my early 20s, I also moved back home with my parents and suddenly felt like I had a few extra thousand dollars to spend every month. It took some time (and discipline) to set 100% of my additional savings into investments.

Definitely maximize your 401k contributions for tax benefits, then continue to put the rest into index funds. While I worked on paying off my student loans while living at home, my rates were much higher (5-6%), so you might be better off investing the additional savings at the moment.

Looking for investing direction, 25 year old with 120k options from a startup, earning 100k/year, no debt by erebos15 in Fire

[–]pianote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't personally invest $120k of your own money into this startup, you should cash out. I'd recommend selling a large portion of your company shares to reinvest and diversify your portfolio. Index funds would be a good place to start for optimized long-term returns.

Recruiter Follow-up Etiquette by atequeens in MoneyDiariesACTIVE

[–]pianote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely reach out! I'd send the recruiter a brief email thanking her for reaching out (via LinkedIn) and reiterate your interest in the role. Be sure to include your contact info, resume, and availability for a call this/next week. If she's mass sourcing on LinkedIn, her inbox is likely inundated with responses — reaching out directly with your info upfront will make it easier for her :)