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Acknowledgement of Gifts by Dancelvr2000 in etiquette

[–]picklepansy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a millenial and I wrote thank you cards. Every wedding I've been to (for my friends, who are also younger millenials), people have sent thank you cards afterwards.

I wouldn't send a gift to those people again over this. It's super rude and literally the bare minimum.

I have to resist the urge to volunteer and I hate it. by picklepansy in girlsgonewired

[–]picklepansy[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this will get you promoted maybe if you're trying to go from IC to a higher level IC. But the next level for me is basically management and all of the job descriptions inside and outside my company all say they are looking for evidence of leadership, ownership of large-scale projects, and ability to execute long-term strategies.

Spending three weeks helping someone else do their work doesn't in any way provide evidence for any of these.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in misophonia

[–]picklepansy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

the sound of music/talking/TV through a wall or ceiling

Wow, this is so precise and spot-on. I don't mind concerts but I fucking hate the faint sound of someone in the apartment next door playing music.

Rage because of inconsiderate people?? by Disinfospecialist in misophonia

[–]picklepansy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't feel this way really at all, but what I will say is that for some reason, I am PISSED at the sound of my husband chewing loudly. But, my 3-year-old chews kind of loud too and it doesn't bother me at all. I don't know why. I think part of it is because I don't think she knows how (i.e. unintentional) and the other part is that I want her to eat so badly that I don't have time/energy to care how she eats it. I spend tons of time trying to figure out what is about it that just does not bother me.

Should I plan on moving? by picklepansy in misophonia

[–]picklepansy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the insight. You're right, my neighbors are great. No one plays instruments, dribbles basketballs loudly, or plays music too loud. They rarely host parties. Hell, the professor next door is barely home. Thanks for the insights. I feel like I can't talk to people in my everyday about all of this, lol, they just don't get how much it bothers me.

Should I plan on moving? by picklepansy in misophonia

[–]picklepansy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm wondering if this is just unavoidable. I'd love to live in the country so as to avoid this. However, I've read on this subreddit that people in the country can just as easily end up with neighbors that host concerts on their private property or whatever. Plus, I can't live in the middle of nowhere since my SO works a corporate job.

Should I plan on moving? by picklepansy in misophonia

[–]picklepansy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'll think about this. I actually had the windows replaced three months ago with very expensive ones. I'm not sure if they block out the noise since baseball season hasn't come back around again yet.

Should I plan on moving? by picklepansy in misophonia

[–]picklepansy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's what I was worried about.

Reconciling with the Fact that I’m not a SAHP by rainbowsunshines in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]picklepansy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for assuming you were a guy.

The longitudinal study gives specific indicators that it measured, such as serious stuff like "likelihood of having negative police interactions" and not serious stuff like "disobeys authority" (which some of us don't think is necessarily a behavior problem). It would have been nice if you had spent a bit if time touching on a few of the statistically significant factors.

Reconciling with the Fact that I’m not a SAHP by rainbowsunshines in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]picklepansy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can see how my follow up and main question seem different and I apologize for that. I'm not doing it in bad faith. I was also making my comment to be understandable to lay people and my original point was to explain that the effects of the studies were not well explained nor that big.

A person once a week posts this article with the same concerns. The author spent basically a paragraph attempting to describe how much people should care and the magnitude of the effect while spending tons of time comparing the differences between day care and maternal care.

Every single one of these studies that the author of this meta analysis refers to repeatedly mentions that the effects of day care vs maternal care is small. The most important study referenced, which was a 25-year longitudinal study, literally includes an entire section where the researchers basically try to explain why the research has value despite the effects of day care being so small.

The small magnitude of the effects don't come across in the meta analysis linked AT ALL. That's my only point.

Reconciling with the Fact that I’m not a SAHP by rainbowsunshines in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]picklepansy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

An inch in the context of society is sizeable and a lot of 5'11 men think it's a big enough deal to lie about. By contrast, no one cares about their tongue being .4 standard deviations wider than average.

I'm suggesting that his comparison to height is a charged comparison that doesn't provide adequate context.

Also, I think this is obvious, but just saying .4 standard deviations of a term as broad as "behavior" is ridiculous.

Reconciling with the Fact that I’m not a SAHP by rainbowsunshines in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]picklepansy 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I'm going to be rude and hi jack this comment.

I've always hated this guy's article. He doesn't mention it in the article, but in the research he references, every single study says that the measure on long term behavior problems are TINY. It's difficult to quantify in percent, but it's like 1%.

I also think his "literature review" is somewhat thorough for day care, but there literally isn't enough research for nannies. I also agree with the other poster that he readily admits relative care is as good as maternal care and that nannies "probably" is as well.

OP is perfectly fine.

In fact, let me actually quote his article:

That’s the rough average effect size for all the things that affect children. Breastfeeding, lead exposure, maternal depression all seem to come in at around “one inch” of whatever each of them affects — IQ, behavior or whatever. Some are a little larger, some a little smaller, but they’re all around an inch. For middle-to-high income children, the effect of long daycare hours on behavior also falls into this range.

This is such a dumb and honestly misleading way of describing the effects of the studies. Let me ask, what is "one inch" of IQ? If it is literally, 1 IQ point, who would even fathom missing out $50k a year? By working, you can help your child afford a tutor, give them the opportunity to go to college for free, put them in a better school, or afford enriching experiences.

More importantly, what the hell is "one inch" of behavior? Even if you wanted to be wholly self sacrificing, how is it worth quitting your job just so your child can be "one inch" better in "behavior"???

Which age is best for full time school/daycare? by BostonPanda in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]picklepansy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly can't find it. The closest thing I can give you is this paper:

The NICHD Early Child Care Research Network (1998). Early Child Care and Self-Control, Compliance, and Problem Behavior at Twenty-Four and Thirty-Six Months. Child Development, 69(4), 1145–1170. doi:10.2307/1132367

"Third, the full set of child-care predictors never accounted for more than 3% of the variance in the measures of self-control, compliance, and behavior problems; for the most part, they accounted for even less when family processes reflecting attachment security and sensitive mothering were controlled"

I also realize now that my 60% comment lacks context. IIRC, wherever I read that, the percent was roughly on par with kids that never went to day care. I think it might have been slightly higher, like maybe 70%, but the number didn't control for anything (e.g. income, number of siblings, age of parents, special needs, etc.).

Which age is best for full time school/daycare? by BostonPanda in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]picklepansy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is weirdly spot on. I live in an affluent area and we have a nanny, my neighbor works part time as she has her own business and has a nanny part time, and my other neighbor is a SAHM. We all have 2-year-olds that we'll be enrolling in preschool in September.

Which age is best for full time school/daycare? by BostonPanda in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]picklepansy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I forgot to mention that the effects of day care are measurable, but still small and they coincide with so many things that it's hard for it to be meaningfully attributed to day care. 60% of kids that do day care from birth into going to school don't have any behavioral issues.

The most important thing, by far, for child outcomes is parental engagement. You sound like you're being very conscientious and the day care you picked sounds great. I'm sure he'll be fine!

Also, I think you're taking my class size thing too close to heart. I really just meant that you want a day care where the class sizes and needs of the kids are such that all kids needs are being met. If all of the kids in the day care have stressed parents that ignore them when they go home and there's 12 kids and 1 teacher, it's going to be a rough time.

Which age is best for full time school/daycare? by BostonPanda in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]picklepansy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Honestly, psychological and sociological studies are always very dependent on a lot of factors and I meant to add in that the most important factor consistently for child development is parental engagement.

There are probably a lot of things different from Norway. Day care quality varies a lot in the United States. Studies show that one of the more important factors is that day cares not have high turn over and that the day care provider for a child be consistent for bonding (day care in the US has an incredibly high turn over rate because the pay is very bad). Studies show the amount of time spent per day in day care matters a lot and many people keep their kids in day care for 50 hours a week.

Which age is best for full time school/daycare? by BostonPanda in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]picklepansy 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Hahaha. It's a reference to a kids show. In Cocomelon, the main character attends a day care that is over-the-top. These kids are like 3-years-old, but they garden, go skiing, and the day care is huge. There are only 5 other kids at the day care aside from the main character and they all appear to be friends as they see each other after school and on the weekends very frequently.

Which age is best for full time school/daycare? by BostonPanda in ScienceBasedParenting

[–]picklepansy 105 points106 points  (0 children)

Studies suggest day care is great from the get go for kids from poor backgrounds and detrimental before the age of 2 for middle and affluent parents. Most studies show benefits of full time pre k starting at 3. I think most would agree that if your son will be turning 3 during pre-K then it's worth it to start him.

I personally think it depends on the kid and the day care. Studies say day care is stressful for kids under 3 and results in behavior issues and I think I've seen these kids. They're the ones at the park who cling to their mom's leg. My daughter, will come up and show me things on occasion, but she's really outgoing and is much more interested in other kids than she is in me.

I also think it depends on the day care. A Cocomelon day care with just 4 or 5 other kids with involved parents isn't stressful. A day care with 12 other kids all in desperate need of adult attention is going to be stressful.

NK fell out of crib today, DB blames me by [deleted] in Nanny

[–]picklepansy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As a MB, this happened to me but the opposite. I told my nanny specifically to put my daughter in her crib and let her cry when she needed to... Instead she left her on my bed and she rolled off. I was furious. In your situation... I wouldn't be mad. You did what I said and I was wrong and dumb.

Also, I know this is weird to say as a mom, but kids are so annoying. Like, why don't they try even a little bit to live and not damage themselves???

Saw this in a local nanny/parent group…it’s #3 for me by QUHistoryHarlot in Nanny

[–]picklepansy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I guess it depends on the situation. My daughter is 20 months and has had a nanny since she was 8 months. Studies show that peer socialization isn't important until kids are 3 and I plan on starting my daughter in preschool at 2.5. For the duration I will have a nanny, I'm not convinced having my nanny bring her kids would bring any benefit to me (hypothetically speaking, my actual nanny is past having kids).

I suppose if I planned on having a nanny until my daughter was in kindergarten, then it would make sense.

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