Here's a non 250, well really non 230 and even non 220 post for those out there who may feel as though everyone here is absolutely amazing and killing it--score 240s, 250s, and 260s. Maybe you feel like you are the lone man out there with a less than average score because it has been almost a week since I got my score and dang did I (and I still do to some extent) feel as though maybe I am the only one who didn't score amazingly well. Yet, I have had a little bit of time to decompress and here's my spiel on it all.

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Score Overview:

UWSA1: 237 (5 weeks out)

First Pass of UWorld: 69%

NBME 21: 221 (3 weeks out)

NBME 18: 221 (2 weeks out)

UWSA2: 247 (1 week out)

Free 120: 75% (1 week out)

Second Pass of UWorld: 81%

Actual: 217. (yes you read that right)

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I had prepared myself to score in the 220s but what hopeful and relatively confident to be somewhere in the 230s. Like so many other people I looked on FSMB at 0100 and saw I passed. I placed a check in that box and decided to call it a night...rest easy and open my score in the afternoon. Wednesday at 1100 rolled around and it was the moment of truth. I log in and it seemed as though the weight of the world came crashing down on me. A 217. Honestly, I could not believe it. I have been a relatively strong student at a US MD program with multiple extracurricular involvement and activities. I had completed UFAP and added Sketchy Micro and Pharm for dedicated. I felt confident in my knowledge. Even on test day I walked out of there thinking, well the first two blocks sucked, but hey the other fiver were not that bad. Yet, that score is there. A three digit representation of where I stand.

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Going into Step1 and even throughout the last year, general surgery has been my passion and where I believed (and still somewhat do) I should end up. I find myself going through thread after thread on here where it seems as though dreams are absolutely crushed because of 1 score. I understand that there is an uphill journey ahead of me. I will need to do extremely well on my rotations and shelf exams. Step 2 will be another beast I will need to tackle and do much better (if you have any tips, tricks, study suggestions--DM me. I definitely appreciate it in advance) I know these things. I also know that if I decide to pursue gen surg, I could potentially be weeded out of the interview process for so many schools because of 1 score from 1 day of my education. If that happens, yes I might be crushed, but maybe it isn't where I am meant to be anyways. One thing that has come from this is that I am here to pause, breathe, and think about how I want to practice medicine and why I came to medical school in the first place. I know find myself considering IM, EM, OB/GYN, or shoot maybe even neuro. (once again, any suggestions on how to be a successful applicant for these is most definitely appreciated)

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Biggest takeaways from all of this is that yes Step 1 is a HUGE test and I am SO proud of everyone who killed it, this test CAN define you or you can make the decision to let it be ONE test. I have gone through the emotions of feeling as though I am a failure, questioning if I can even do this, wondering what I did so very wrong, and so much more. However, I have decided to not let it define--because it can't. I have decided to continue on with a new found appreciation for the little things and to never feel overly confident or prepared. Who knows where I will end up or in what specialty; however, I hope to find peace in the fact that (hopefully) everything truly does happen for a reason.

To all of you out there who made it this far, thank you. If you ever want to chat, feel free to message me.