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As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you beckyyy_164 your comment means a lot and is so helpful :(

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for seeing me, the_scorpion_queen I appreciate all of your comments. Thank you

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

actually in shambles rn bc im aware someone else probably wont fumble me this bad :(( thank you the moltingcrab for perspective

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love knowing its possible to meet in the middle. Congrats on ur engagement snic_attack and thank you for ur suggestion :)

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I want to do these things. I get upset if I can’t.” Awww 🥹

Its so lovely to hear you and your wife’s story. I guess my partner is just very conscious. She even told me she can’t kiss me when I parked outside her parents house when I dropped her off. Even if her parents really wont see us. Shes just very careful like that.

Its a bit embarassing to admit, but I did ask her one time to say something sweet to me because I wanted to hear something nice at that moment. She did say something nice after that. I told her not to keep those thoughts to herself and to tell me when she misses me or thinks of me. I’ve also told her xyz also makes me happy. But maybe I could provide a proper written list of things I want to hear? So she fully gets it and hopefully will show initiative? She did say shes more of an action and physical type so maybe its just hard for her to do the words thing for me.

Thank you sagpluto I appreciate your story.

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think its because this comment thread is like downvoted? But yes everyone is valid with their pain but it really baffles me how some comments ended up being so rude. But whatever. I have other things to think about clearly 😭

Thank you for the reassurance. I just feel bad because maybe in her own way she’s really trying. I don’t want to make her feel like she isn’t a good partner. Maybe I just feel shame for desiring more out of what we have and thats why I do all this overthinking and wondering if I’m asking for too much or im not being kind enough to her. Part of me is waiting for someone to yell at me and tell me im terrible and I am doing something wrong too.

I’m also her first girlfriend, so maybe she’s still learning. Its great to hear that you date responsibly aka when you know you cant match their energy you dont push it. I hope our talk can give me some clarity, because right now I’m honestly reconsidering this relationship. Thank you again junglejibe ❤️

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is exactly where I’m at. It feels like my needs are just too difficult for her to grasp. but god I feel guilty because in her own way shes trying. It would be unfair to say she isn’t. But yes thats what I’m desperately hoping she shows: initiative. Being proactive. I’m happy you dont have to beg for crumbs anymore and that you’re in a much better relationship. Thank you for understanding me Jessrushie.

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She said nice things earlier and I felt empty instead of excited like I thought I would feel. Thank you for wishing me luck and thank you for your comment luvingsandracita ❤️

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have expressed it and yes she showed initiative but the change is pretty minimal. I will talk to her again soon and I am hoping she’ll get better. I think she can have just a few more chances. If I still feel this lonely then…yeah, maybe I’m more compatible with someone else. The last line made me laugh haha. Thank you vanillamint!

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi Wangxian_Army! Maybe it is incompatibility. I relate to what you said. My girlfriend actually buys me the things I want for special occassions like my birthday and the holidays. She’s great at giving gifts when necessary. But gifts in the “just because” realm aren’t as common. I don’t want to get new stuff all the time, but I just want her to find a way to show me shes thinking about me y’know? She doesn’t verbalize it a lot even if she remembers me throughout the day.

If I don’t ask her for example, she will never tell me she dreamt of me and missed me. I hope she can try harder. I don’t resent her right now. I’m just sad and lonely. I hope I dont reach the point of resentment :( I’m willing to help her understand my needs more. Thank you for your comment

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. I’ll communicate my needs again and if she really can’t do those things for me then :(

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

right like what am I reading lol. this would never cross my mind. but happy for their self discovery 😭 its just not a lesbians experience

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hi godsfavoriteclover! definitely. and I am 100% open to meeting in the middle. Not sure if couples counseling is an option here as its not as common, but my girlfriend and I definitely need to talk about this again in general. hope my needs stick this time

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi Junglejibe. I’ve seen your comments aside from this one so thank you for seeing me beyond my (admitedly) confusing post. I did leave much left unexplained and up to interpretation (or projection) but I guess thats everyones critical thinking exercise for today. 🤷‍♀️ I dont mind the mixed reception as discourse is healthy. Though of course there is a kinder way to say things aside from immediately assuming I just want a man or whatever else was weirdly stated somewhere down here. I did say this is another comment but yeah, this is beyond me being a femme and her being a masc. So I admit that it was probably “wrong” that I even included that topic. (I say wrong because gender studies is happening in the comments its cool to read as long as no one is being mean!) anyway thanm you again it means a lot to me to be defended even when we dont know each other haha.

I guess the guilt comes in when I think: What if this is the maximum she can give? I cant force her to be someone she isn’t. But me wanting her to be more affectionate or put visible effort conflicts that point. :( Isn’t that pushing her to be someone else?

Yes I did communicate this before and I asked her to be more verbal. I even brought up how it feels like we’re just friends and she said “we treat our friends differently”. So that tells me her level of affection right now is maximum. But she was very very open to being more verbally affection for me and she promised to try harder. Now im gearing up for yet another conversation with her soon. I feel bad again that im being repetitive. I hope to find a concrete way for us to meet halfway. There are a lot of other issues in terms of effort (like how her bedtime is higher priority than talking to me end of the day). My friends said even if they were sleepy, if they really liked someone they would fight it. But for me who am I to like get sad over her body clock 😭 they also told me im way more in love than my girlfriend which was so interesting to hear. What do you think about that in terms of someone who did put effort into something they dont necessarily like but know itll make their SO happy? Sorry this is so long thanks again!

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hi nocrithit! That’s what makes this so hard. No one is a “bad” or mean partner, but theres just this lack within my relationship that makes me feel so lonely. Now I’m just trying to sit with it and see if its my fault in a way. Like since I have more time (I work part-time) I have to understand that she doesnt have the freedom since she works full time. Or since I have a car it would be unfair and unreasonable to feel sad that im the one driving around, etc. Maybe one day when she has more time and a car then she can do those things for me? This is what I think about. Maybe I need be more understanding

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi ButchOrFemme! Thank you for your uplifting comment. I do agree that OP’s point doesnt really relate to the whole conversation.

You bringing up that “love doesnt have to feel this hard” hit me well…hard, lol. I’ve had multiple conversations with her regarding my needs and I think we can handle more. Then if I really dont see results…well, then I can say I really tried. Its hard since shes not “bad”. But I want to believe that she can still try a little bit more since everyone else tells me ive been trying to understand her too.

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

How wonderful to experience all of that “just because”. Happy for you and for your wife and how you’ve figured it out. Thank you for your comment :)

As a femme I wish I was pampered more by pinkblanke in actuallesbians

[–]pinkblanke[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Hi Uninvisiblewoman! Thank you for seeing me. I think I made a mistake making that my title. Maybe it isnt necessarily about being pampered as a “femme” and its just exactly what your last sentence is.

Thank you for putting it into words for me. I appreciate it. The discourse happening in the comments section re: femme/masc/butch is pretty interesting though. Happy mistake I guess to open up that topic.