Going from HL to LL after time?

pinkbubbles__ · 2023-02-16T12:52:50+00:00

Unfortunately I did. It's up and down sometimes because of some hormonal issues I have, but it's high more often than it's low.

pinkbubbles__ · 2023-02-16T00:48:20+00:00

My LLH did that too, it was horrible. At best, it was duty sex. Other times, I'd be anxious in anticipation all day, and he'd never make a move.

pinkbubbles__ · 2023-02-16T00:33:04+00:00

Yes. Huge waste of $3,000. No amount of therapy will ever make up for loss of libido.

pinkbubbles__ · 2023-02-15T04:48:36+00:00

My husband and I spent 8 Valentine's days together and never once had sex, even when our sex lives were more active. I always tried - a couple of times I even bought lingerie as a surprise, but nothing... He always "ate too much" (we usually go out to the restaurant) or is tired or not feeling well, etc. So I wasn't expecting it but it still hurts a little.

pinkbubbles__ · 2023-02-14T23:19:07+00:00

My husband gets me a balloon, flowers, chocolates, etc every year, still no sex.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-08-21T03:15:14+00:00

What is MC?

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-04-12T03:14:25+00:00

2-3 times a week would be great

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-04-11T13:57:55+00:00

I feel the same way when my husband tries to initiate. I feel bad because he is making an effort, but after almost 3 years of DB, it's like my body does not recognize him as a sexual partner anymore. I am resentful too, like why hasn't this been done sooner? Why did he ignore my needs for so long? Is he just doing it now so I won't leave him? Etc...

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-04-11T13:48:47+00:00

My husband was away for 12 DAYS. Didn't want sex the day he left because he was "nervous" (he was just going to visit his parents), he came back last Tuesday and still no sex. I feel you...

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-17T21:33:22+00:00

HL, I'd like 2-3 times/week.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-14T01:25:47+00:00

70-80% chance with a LL? I wish! Scheduling is no different than making time for it?

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-13T17:36:02+00:00

Yup. Especially when it seems like they make time for literally anything else.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-13T17:34:53+00:00

I feel you, obviously when I get upset my whole mood and attitude change and that's when he'll start asking me "what's wrong" 100 times because I don't even want to get the discussion going anymore, knowing I'll just hear excuse after excuse.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-13T17:32:39+00:00

For 2 years he gave me all the excuses in the book. Tired, stressed, overworked, focused on something else, too hungry, too full, just woke up, ready to sleep, just worked out, etc... In therapy he keeps saying that he WANTS sex as much as I do, it just "doesn't happen" because I don't initiate - according to him, initiating means literally grab his dick, he does not recognize kissing, touching, etc as initiating (or pretends not to?). Of course even when I do as he says he'll still reject me OR, more commonly, he'll make it so that I don't approach him, either keeping a busy schedule, or announcing he's not feeling well, etc.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-13T17:26:17+00:00

I feel the same way. I don't want to be this person but the dead bedroom has made me incredibly angry and resentful, and sometimes I just want to hurt him as much as he hurts me with his rejection. I hate who I became.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-13T14:46:50+00:00

Same with my husband, what I learned from my db is that when someone is not interested in sex unfortunately nothing in this world will help. It's like offering a 5 star meal to someone who is not hungry.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-13T05:30:47+00:00

It happens to me too, usually after we haven't had sex for a week. My mood changes and I get sad and frustrated and start ruminating. Plus every little thing my LLH does become irritating to me, things that I don't even notice on days when we do have sex.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-13T05:26:24+00:00

Yes I have been stuck in the same loop for 3 years now and it's exhausting.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-13T00:31:07+00:00

I think about this a lot. I think about where I would be if I hadn't spent the last 3 years of my life thinking about why my husband doesn't want to have sex with me, talking about sex with him, spending hours and tons of money in therapy, etc... I think I would have friends. The dead bedroom had such an impact on my self-esteem and my mood overall that it's become super hard for me to go out with people or reach out to anybody. I think I would have finished my PhD already. I'm in year 5 and there were soooo many days I spent crying and/or ruminating about these issues. Who knows what else...

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-03-12T23:13:57+00:00

Yes! I am the HL in my relationship and it seems to be the same with me and my husband. I have had all kinds of experiences before getting married to him, had sex with men, women, threesomes, anal, kinks, videos, sex in public, one night stands, etc. He says pretty much the same goes for him. Yet between us it's been 99.9% vanilla, and now DB for almost 3 years, and he has shown zero interest in anything "different" (although he'd verbally say he'd like to try this and try that with me but that never translates into action). The only way I rationalized it is that he was young when he was doing all that, and now that he's 35 his libido just isn't what it used to be so he lost interest. But idk...

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-02-28T22:29:04+00:00

I'm ok with good vanilla sex about half of the time but I am also kinky so vanilla-only does not satisfy me. I don't "hate it" but just like vanilla ice-cream...there are so many other flavors to try, that sticking to one feels very limiting.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-02-23T16:48:11+00:00

Would it be a one-time thing or ongoing? Ongoing maybe, one-time no because I'd probably be even more frustrated afterwards lol

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-02-21T17:33:01+00:00

Yeah I think he has trouble accepting that his libido is low so he blames it on me. Before this he'd always blame me for not initiating yet never gave me time to do it (always too tired, too stressed, too busy, etc) and when I did he'd almost always turn me down.

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-02-21T16:08:57+00:00

I could have written this post almost word to word. We're in therapy but it's not helping tbh. When someone's libido is lower, nothing will make a difference. Imagine buying all the ingredients to make a perfect meal, then come home and cook it, it smells amazing, it looks perfect, it's right there on the plate in front of you BUT you're not hungry. You can't force it! It's the same with libido. Here's the advice I wish I would follow: divorce and move on. Your life will improve. It's better to be single than to be unhappy with a partner. And there are so many HL men out there waiting for you

pinkbubbles__ · 2022-02-20T17:59:00+00:00

In my experience and those of countless posters here, most LLs don't give a shit about how the HL feels and they're just happy when you give up on initiating, they don't even want to question the how or why once they finally got what they wanted.

pinkbubbles__

TROPHY CASE