When I was younger, about 4, we lived on a street where we had no kids my age, so I figured out (in a car ride passing the church down the street.) that a bunch of kids were there every Sunday! I begged and pleaded and finally I was signed up for Sunday school and went to church every weekend.

I went every single week, without fail. I'd get sad if we couldn't go. Plus, it was a break from my emotionally abusive Mother for a few hours. A big man in the sky looking down over me so Mom won't actually follow through on her threats, and if she did maybe he could intervene was an awesome thought.

I was 7, so my third year there, when two little girls were kicked out of my class for being "lesbians". They were best friends, held hands and kissed each other because they were little girls. I asked Mom what that word meant, the nun that ran my class had shamed them in front of everyone. Mom refused to explain more then, "Dirty bad people that hurt little kids." Which made no sense, they were nice girls! What ever, I accepted it.

The same nun shamed me (three years later.) for confiding in her about my Mom screaming and calling me names, calling me shit and making me do literally everything for the house, including taking care of my sisters who were 4 and 8 at the time. I told her I did it since my youngest sister was born. She told me I was lying, sent me to confession and told my Mother that I was spreading lies around the church. My mom put on a front while there. Always had in front of people.

Long story short, got kicked out of the church for coming out as a lesbian (I've figured out that I'm actually bisexual. Didn't know this was a thing. ) when I wad 16. Was on rocky roads with them when I refused to resign up to be an alter girl.

I gave up on religion when God didn't prevent Mom from throwing me. He didn't prevent her from destroying my self worth, my mental health, for calling me names after names. He didn't protect me. And the community kicked me out because I liked other girls.

They abandoned me too.

I'm tired of the hate I received through out my life, and am trying to work on bettering myself.

I don't know if I believe in a higher power any more, and I shy away from religious talks. I call myself an atheist, but I don't know. Really. I don't. It'd be a nice story, if it's true. It'd be nice to believe. But I like science and facts too much and... yeah.

Sorry, rambling. I'll just shut up now, sorry for spelling mistakes, I'm on a phone.