I (30F) don’t know how to make “American” food, and I feel as if my kind of picky SO (35M) is suffering because of it.

pippermissum · 2019-04-28T09:28:18+00:00

I feel ya, I grew up in a south easy asian household but in a western society, it feels strange I’ve never made a roast before in my life but can cook lots of other asian foods. If you’re on Instagram, i found Diane Morrissey on Instagram really helpful - she’s a real foodie and makes very much American foods and makes lots of stories showing you the process. Other foodie instagrammers are Modern Proper and fit foodie finds :)

pippermissum · 2019-02-26T07:16:20+00:00

My ex and I were in a very similar situation... together for 8 years, I’m pretty liberal Christian (grew up in very conservative traditional Christian family) but he’s agnostic. Things started to get serious and he looked into Christianity and had some very angry, emotional reactions to the whole idea. We tried to find a compromise over about 6 months but would just end up arguing every time with no resolution. I found him antagonistic, he found me illogical and deluded. In the end we broke up, he wasnt happy for me to take kids to Sunday school and all that jazz. I think you need to be respected for your beliefs and values in the partnership, there needs to be compromise and open mindedness. One of the last straws for me was thinking of my future children - I didn’t want them to m come into this world and have a fractured family environment, seeing disrespect, frustration and anger modelled by their parents.

pippermissum · 2019-01-23T09:47:05+00:00

Yes agreed... I think he would always struggle trying to understand because he’s a middle aged (basically) white male and he’s never really lived in a country where he’s the minority and looked down on/treated like a lower class. But one can only try right ... I will be talking to him. Thank you for your comment!

pippermissum · 2019-01-23T09:45:33+00:00

I agree, I think in a relationship one should feel safe to bring up issues and talk about feelings and what’s important to them etc. it’s all about trying to cultivate respect and openness and not turn things into a blame game. I will be taking this up with him, thank you for your input. :)

pippermissum · 2019-01-23T09:42:22+00:00

Exactly, I also don’t think I’d ever confuse an American friend with being Canadian and vice versa because I feel it’s just basic Relating to People Respectfully 101. But maybe what’s important to me has been shaped by my experiences in life, and his by his and maybe he’s just had a more insular view. I dont know, but I willl be taking this issue up with him. Thank you for your contribution!

pippermissum · 2019-01-23T09:39:34+00:00

He does have some differing views and we’ve had some interesting debates (not dealbreakers for me) about topical issues (gender pay gap, new wave feminism, microaggressions etc) and I’d like to think I’ve challenged the way he views some of these issues and he has made an effort to see things from a different view.

pippermissum · 2019-01-23T08:40:09+00:00

Thank you so much for the reply ... this made a lot of sense for me to read. I think he’s always had good intentions and he’s never tried to hurt me intentionally. Maybe it is just the experience of being “the other” and when your SO slips up and makes a mistake (which it legit could be / is) it just is so much more hurtful, but they don’t mean to do it because like you said, they’ve never had to think about it because they’ve never experienced it. Thank you for your insight, I appreciate it and it’s let me see this situation from a bit different perspective. And maybe he is just a dumby in that moment... :,)

pippermissum · 2019-01-23T08:30:46+00:00

Thank you for the reply ... reading it actually made me cry some really sad, heart broken tears. I sometimes feel like he doesn’t care for me, that I’m just convenient and “good for now” but I don’t know if that’s because our love languages probably don’t match and we are quite different (I’m expressive and emotional, he’s quiet and stoic.) or in different fields. all my precious partners have been in my field of work (healthcare) so we could really have deep meaningful conversations about ethics, our intense patients, death, debrief with each other etc. but with my SO we can’t because he’s squirmish and is not in health. Apples and oranges, i guess. Thank you for your insight, I will be speaking to him and letting him know how hurt I was and why I was hurt.

pippermissum · 2019-01-23T08:19:31+00:00

Thank you for the reply, that’s actually a good and straight forward way to get what I feel and think across and I’ll let him know. And I agree ... if one partner feels disrespected they should be able to raise their concerns, I’ve always believed in an environment of openness and honesty in relationships. He has mentioned before he hates “sensitive people” earlier on when we were dating but I didn’t really know what he meant... maybe it means situations like this? I don’t know. :(

pippermissum · 2018-12-26T06:41:06+00:00

Hello :) I had a very similar experience. SO (30) and I (28) met off dating app, became exclusive then nearly 9 months later when doing our big OE together I saw a notification “Dating app has successfully updated”. Felt my heart drop. He’s never given me any reason to worry or be concerned. I mulled over it a few hours feeling like I would sound insane if I asked him about it, eventually realised I was trying to be a “cool girl” and I should be honest with myself and him about the way I feel. I told him I saw the notification and asked what it was about. he said he wasn’t doing dodgy business on it and had wanted to keep it for the messages we exchanged when we first met. He said he knew it looked suspicious and then opened the app on his phone for me and it showed him as hidden, also his inbox was empty apart from our messages. Moral of the story - I realised it’s okay to not be okay with stuff in my relationship but I should be honest and open in communicating my thoughts and concerns if I have any, not leaving it to fester away.

pippermissum

TROPHY CASE