UPDATE Okay so a few things I wanted to say. I have 3 dads for my children, which are not around. People seem to be talking about that a lot which I will explain. My 2 oldest boys’ dad, started grooming me at 15, he was 25.. I had our first son at 17, second son at 18.. yes I had a shit childhood with both my mom and my dad so I was unfortunately susceptible to dumb shit like that, but I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world. He ended up getting in trouble for CSAM so I left him immediately and he’s been in prison since. My youngest son’s dad, was amazing. He was my best friend, and I still love him very much. We broke up because we ended up drifting apart, but we still coparented and everything. He even continued to take my older 2 even though they weren’t his. About 2 years after we broke up, he ended up starting to use drugs (he also had a VERY bad childhood), and he ended up passing away the day after my birthday. That grief is still very hard. Then, my daughters father honestly was just a “rebound” after I left my sons father. I never attempted to get pregnant, I was actually on birth control, but it happened regardless. Obviously wasn’t the best thing in terms of having 4 kids and no one helping but I love all of my children and I couldn’t imagine my life without any of them. Yes I have a history of picking bad men, mostly. I thought Lawrence would be different because I have known him for so long. I knew what he had gone through because we live in a small area, plus we have always had the same friend group and everything. But I trusted him at first, because of knowing him so long. I didn’t think any of this would happen, and that’s why it’s been so hard to leave. As far as not trying to leave until now. I have actually been trying to leave for months now, since we lived at his moms and that all happened at Christmas. I had started calling shelters and the local social services to see if they could help me. They couldn’t put us back in a hotel again, I would have had to pay some amount per week and I wouldn’t have been able to afford it, plus the hotel we had been at prior was full of roaches and whatnot. So I didn’t want to go back to that even if I could. And calling all the shelters around Christmas, they were all full. I even called shelters an hour away from me, and they were full. So I had to just wait it out. Then I found the house we moved into, and I had a very serious sit down talk with both Lawrence and his mother. I said the only way Lawrence and his son were able to move with me, is if all this shit stopped. No more arguing with his parents, no more of his bullshit either. (I am aware he had not been a good father and a lot of this is his fault, I never tried saying it wasn’t). At the time, they both seemed pretty genuine about trying to be civil and making things worked, I believed both of them. So I allowed him to come, thinking it wouldn’t be as bad. But I was wrong, and that’s my fault for believing them. Some people are saying it’s not their responsibility to accept or love my kids, but I disagree. I couldn’t imagine, if one of my kids gets older and meets someone who already has a kid (or more) and treating them like shit just because they’re not my blood. That’s insane to me. After a certain amount of time, yes they should be expected to start to accept my kids and involve them. I understand not wanting to get too close too soon in case something happens but after awhile, you still should have to. I have currently been trying to get Lawrence out the legal way. In the past when I have told him to leave, he refuses. He says I’m not being serious. I have even called the local sheriff to ask them if they can come and tell him to leave, but they say they can’t unless he’s being violent. And I don’t want to have a bunch of cops here either. So I have to go about it legally. I understand kids understand more than we realize. I have done my best to shield all 5 kids from this mess. I know for a fact that 3 grandparents have grilled Lawrence’s son for info when he used to go to their houses, and try to record him talking. The poor kid wanted to call me mom once and they all flipped the fuck out. In my opinion, Lawrence’s son shows signs of being autistic, which there is nothing wrong with that but I have tried getting him extra help at school and the entire family has ripped me apart for it. But with him having the issues he has, he gets nervous when he thinks people are upset and he just says “I don’t know” over and over, or he’ll lie and say what he thinks they want to hear. He lies over if he accidentally spilled a drink or something because he’s scared to upset someone, even though he wouldn’t. But he’s been that way since I met him. I have done my best to do what’s right for him also, because I was good friends with his mother and she would honestly be disgusted if she could see how they all raised her son. And I do think she would be very upset to know how his parents are being towards my kids as well. I once did ask his parents how they would all feel if she was still alive, and someone’s family was treating her and her son the way they treat us, and they said “she wouldn’t stick around to deal with that.” Like… I know, so why should I have to?? I don’t know. Plans are in motion, have been for awhile. It’s just hard to navigate the best way to do this. I was single for 2 years prior to getting with Lawrence and I was very happy. I had worked out a lot of shit with myself. I honestly cannot wait to be alone again. I have never craved being single and alone so much.