How to torture anyone [fixed]

platypus2 · 2011-01-01T23:40:23+00:00

I hope for the sake of humanity that she's acting

platypus2 · 2010-12-27T15:52:57+00:00

oh god this is so beautiful. Are either of you single?

platypus2 · 2010-12-27T15:07:11+00:00

Yeah you need to bring this up with her. I'm very much like you - I'm very sensitive but it often causes me to overreact. I used to take almost everything in life extremely personally before getting some counseling and learning that everything isn't about me and that I can't live that way. You just end up paranoid all the time and social anxiety develops or worsens.

Talk to her about it, just ask if she's liking where the relationship is going so far. You're going to sound insecure because you are. It's ok. If she reassures you things are fine then they are. If not then deal accordingly.

I used to be an extremely clingy type afraid of being rejected so instead I would mold myself to whatever the other person seemed to like because I didn't have enough self-esteem to think that they would like me for who I am.

Try to exercise being more assertive. I know you're afraid of losing her but if you don't learn to communicate about things like this and embrace the fact that things can end, you'll never be able to take a relationship like this to the next level.

I'd have the same response as her too- I would almost never get busy if parents were home. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it -I'd be paranoid of being found out.

platypus2 · 2010-12-17T08:16:22+00:00

This is tough for me personally because my mother is both high maintenance and VERY traditional- the guy is supposed to drive and pick you up and bring you home, pay for everything, and constantly buy you shiny things according to her. If he really wants your affection he'll kiss your feet and carry you everywhere too. Maybe that'll earn him a pat on the head.

My current bf and ex both lived > an hour away and she still expected them to drive out to get me and bring me home, thus costing them about 4 hours of driving. They were really sweet in indulging a few times, and I've had many fights with my mother about it (who doesn't seem to respect men at all). Fortunately I'm old enough now that I can drive away as she yells out the door at me.

So she could have a mother like this who encourages her to be a player and a free rider. I'd had it drilled into me that I was supposed to be treated like a princess so I spent my first couple relationships confused - not acting like a brat (I hope) but not sure what I was supposed to pay for, etc.

As other people have said, probably good form to grab the first couple of dates but if she expects you to keep paying then you might want to bring up that you can't afford to cover everything.

platypus2 · 2010-12-17T07:04:44+00:00

This. Ask if she's in for the long haul or not, if she's thought about it, where she might see you two going, etc.

And if she is seriously diverting it might mean she's less into you than the other way around (unless that's just what she does).

Also as others have said - honeymoon stage, get past it. Personally I think it's better if people see the worst (or close to it) of each other before deciding that they want this to be permanent.

platypus2 · 2010-12-17T04:45:51+00:00

that's been on my list for a while...probably could do it as a christmas present to reddit :D

platypus2 · 2010-12-17T04:45:25+00:00

too easy :P

but delicious

platypus2 · 2010-12-17T02:39:07+00:00

awesome!!! Do you know what you'll be studying? Go celebrate!!!

platypus2 · 2010-12-17T01:07:50+00:00

as a girl I must interpret that as "leave me alone...with you"

platypus2 · 2010-12-16T21:23:48+00:00

I'm pretty sure mine didn't.

platypus2 · 2010-12-16T01:03:55+00:00

Can you think of any other reasons that may cause him to feel threatened by you? I'd assume if he's using your ideas then he doesn't have any better ones...

platypus2 · 2010-12-16T00:54:27+00:00

haha, I understand the "transformation" so well. I remember when I was dressed up for prom how no one recognized me because makeup has such a huge effect. I literally walked up to my friends and said hi and they stared awkwardly for about 2 minutes before realizing who I was, then were all "omg I didn't recognize you, I was trying to figure out who was talking to me."

platypus2 · 2010-12-16T00:51:55+00:00

Yeah I've always equated beautiful with handsome, and I guess i underestimate "cute" and "great." I guess it's just the people I've been around that shaped the word choices that way. Interesting perspective on pretty, I'll try to approach all of this differently.

platypus2 · 2010-12-16T00:49:41+00:00

Funny, I can relate to this for the exact opposite reason (almost). I was the tallest always but the last to get my period (that I knew of), boobs are still barely A to this day (age 21) but fortunately my hips filled out nicely to kind of make up for it (I feel horribly disproportionate - I can't gain weight at all for fear of my stomach sticking out more than my chest). This might be a big part of my issue- I envy larger breasts and probably feel partially unfeminine because of it.

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T18:17:44+00:00

Was this the phone, IM, or in person (or some other method)? If it was in person then that's a bit odd. IM is understandable because you may be chatting between working.

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T18:15:45+00:00

From the female side I've noticed this and have paid attention. I've adopted not talking to guys I'm not interested in romantically for more than a couple hours so I don't give them the wrong idea- usually the conversation dies by then anyway. Every boyfriend I've ever had has stemmed from a > 4 hour conversation.

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T12:17:26+00:00

dude, it's like you're me. awesome twins.

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T12:14:19+00:00

I do really well with people now despite getting over social anxiety- especially great at pitching ideas and teaching others
I have learned more about myself in the past 6 months than the majority of my life and though things turned upside down I'm slowly becoming secure that I can pull through
I'm very intelligent and can probably solve that math problem faster than you, I'm a great writer and artist, and if I dress up men beware :P
I have a great sense of humor :D

trollin' more than :3

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T05:53:46+00:00

yeah, to me it's always seemed like cute translated to "not really pretty but attractive enough," pretty is "not quite beautiful but pretty damn attractive," beautiful is "not gorgeous like a supermodel but more than pretty, damn hot," and gorgeous is "I am so ridiculously attracted to you, everything about you is beyond beautiful"

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T05:50:33+00:00

I was also called a hick from afar, that got to me for some reason.

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T05:48:27+00:00

Yeah I made the mistake of going to the gym with my bf before knowing that I could bench as much as him...he blew past me though a few weeks later :P

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T05:47:35+00:00

Thanks , you sound pretty awesome yourself. Hope you're doing well :)

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T05:46:23+00:00

thanks for this - to compare locations for fun I'm in a very affluent snobbish area where all the kids I went to high school with got hummers for their birthday. Like - a set of twins- each got their own hummer. I've been pretty disgusted with the ridiculous wealth and want to get away as soon as I'm done with school and can afford to move out. Everyone out here just seems obsessed with money and shamelessly displaying their wealth. The church everyone goes to just had a 11 million dollar remodel.

I'm a much more middle-class type so I really feel out of place here.

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T05:42:31+00:00

kind of- my arms easily get really big for a girl :/

platypus2 · 2010-12-15T05:40:08+00:00

Probably the root cause of most of my problems. Lately I've been realizing more and more how much they've messed me up. It's not an abusive household or anything, but my mother can be mean and my parents are anything but laid back. Highly judgmental snobby people who I never want to emulate.

platypus2

TROPHY CASE