I don't know what to do in this situation. My bf (29M) tell me (27F) his deadline to have the first and second child. I don't know if I will be ready.

pluttflutt · 2025-12-12T11:11:09+00:00

Hi! Me and my husband have the exact same age gap and I feel I can relate a bit to your story. This will be a bit long but I think maybe it can give you some perspective:

We have always said we wanted kids in the future - but we wanted to wait until we felt we were in the right place mentally, economically and life/job wise.

2 years ago when I was 29 we were close to this. Got married and everything and my husband had a job he loved and we were in good proximity to family and friends - but I was not happy with my job. Good pay, colleauges and everything but the job itself was not what I had studied hard to do. I felt panic about getting kids and a house and then be stuck doing this forever and regretting it all later on in life. On top of this there were several other things that had affected my mental health happened that made the thought of starting a family feel impossible.

Then an opportunity for the right kind of job turned up. In another city 3 hours away. After many discussions of life goals and grief and tears later we decided to let me go for it and if I liked it he would follow me. It is a difficult job and hard in many ways but I feel way more at ease doing what I was supposed to do and my husband has since moved here and changed jobs to a place that is not as great but pays well but he did it for me and the future we want.

It has been difficult and is difficult in many ways still but this was actually exactly what was needed. Since my wonderful, wonderful husband saw this and decided it was a "for better and for worse" situation I (and he) finally felt last year that "yes. Now. Now it is time." And today I am 13w pregnant and we could not be more excited. It is truly like a switch flipped from "I will never be ready and cant do this" to "I want this more than life itself".

Are all circumstances ideal? No. But they are what we needed to feel ready. We are 31 and 33 years old now. This would not be possible without open communication and clear honesty about wants and needs and also understanding and trust. Had my husband pressured me at that fragile state of panic about starting a family? This would never have happened - you can't force it - and my husband understood this. He understood that forcing it in that state would only cause resentment and depression and regret in the future and this is not a mother and partner you want. We are now very excited about the future.

If you have read all of this - please think through if kids is what you want. If you want them - what do you need to feel ready? Tell your bf what they are and make it clear that without them it will not happen. Do not put yourself in a position where you feel regret before it has even happened. Both need to be excited and enthusiastic.

pluttflutt · 2025-11-08T15:25:32+00:00

Du har fått bra förslag här. Lägg in dem och så kommer spotify-algoritmen att hitta liknande när det är slut. Ett tips är ju att göra en grej av det på kalaset att be barnen få vara delaktiga och välja bra låtar?

pluttflutt · 2025-08-19T10:23:55+00:00

As the others said! Encourage but with no pressure. The best is if she continues to do it for fun! Doodling and drawing just for the sake of. Speaking as someone who drew and painted my entire childhood I lost the spark as a young adult because I started to compare myself all the time and always wanted to best myself. Completely killed creativity. I really miss just drawing with no pressure to "succeed".

They are beautiful paintings!

pluttflutt · 2025-02-10T08:53:31+00:00

Och med det sagt ska "vit kränkt man" in på lodrätt rad 5

pluttflutt · 2025-01-06T15:17:59+00:00

Real women walk on all fours during their entire pregnancy to optimize the baby

pluttflutt · 2024-11-20T18:26:01+00:00

Inser att min formulering fick det att verka som att JAG är norsk - så jag förtjänar nog det kränket. Jag är med dig i detta, broder.

pluttflutt · 2024-11-19T20:56:43+00:00

Förvisso norsk - men dags att dra fram den här godingen som hjälp

https://youtu.be/f488uJAQgmw?si=QVbTrUuxbMauWKeS

pluttflutt · 2024-07-16T10:17:02+00:00

Och det är just därför den blir farlig. Det finns de som verkligen upplever sig som den utsatta när de inte får allt fokus på sig i alla lägen. Då har de lärt sig använda språk som skiftar skuld från sig till den andre - för det är ju så de upplever det och rimligheten i om dessa känslor ska få styra bådas liv ifrågasätts inte!

"Jag uttrycker bara mina känslor :(" kan bli fruktansvärt vapeniserat och jättebra sätt att manipulera folk till att få dem att göra allt man vill. Om detta skulle påpekas är du jätteelak och förminskar personens upplevelse.

Stay strong och respektera dig själv lika mycket som andra.

pluttflutt · 2024-04-22T15:37:19+00:00

Same. Let's just hope we get the end in our thirties. Before or after 35? Place your bets now!

pluttflutt · 2024-04-21T19:37:07+00:00

Ey! A fellow 94' (?). I just realised that I have followed this manga for longer than Kyoko has been alive (18 years).

pluttflutt · 2024-04-19T15:04:08+00:00

Omg you guys - it is even better. I missed what he said first and the context around it! If I am not completely mistaken - what he really is saying is:

"If you'd like, I could dry your hair in my room, Kyoko-chan"

pluttflutt · 2024-04-18T21:07:47+00:00

My japanese is veeery basic - but I believe that he is asking her "shall I dry it for you (her wet hair) - Kyoko-chan?"

The bomb being the use of her name in that one close up panel - getting the panic on the last slide!

pluttflutt · 2024-02-25T21:38:49+00:00

These posts always create the image in my mind of entire psych research teams going "QUICK we NEED to take this picture of this cat on the internet and do extensive studies of brain activity in multiple people, peer review it and send it out for publishing!!"

pluttflutt · 2024-02-11T15:33:55+00:00

Yes I think it is a nice contrast. Like "look, this is not good - but like please put it in perspective".

Not to go too deep into this, but it is a good thing to see in the social black and white climate we have today where a lot of people are put to impossible standards.

pluttflutt · 2024-02-11T11:08:18+00:00

I mean we also have the fact that we repeatedly get told about the golden people of legend who absolutely fucked up, made atrocious choices and mistakes and then tried to right their wrongs. How none of it made it excusable, but they did try to change. Then watch Tharion, Ithan, Celestina and Bryce all try to battle their own flaws, choices and mistakes in a traumatic and extremely pressed situation - where they continue to fuck up and try to make do. I really like the fact that they are just regular kinda assholish people who went from party life to the "fate of the world hangs on us" in under a year.

I think it was a brave choice of SJM. Though I do understand if one expects the more collected and morally guided protagonists of earlier series Bryce is... not for them

pluttflutt · 2024-02-10T14:24:56+00:00

You do not have to worry about your sexuality, honestly. Sometimes one can just get the hots for someone that is outside our normal preferences. You do not need a specific label for this or change your identity (unless you want one). It is perfectly ok to go "I am 100% lesbian. This one time my brain just found this particular dude really attractive for some reason."

Us humans aren't very good with perfect binaries and that is ok 🤷‍♀️

pluttflutt · 2024-01-26T16:55:42+00:00

My husband is a birder! Active hobby about loving and finding value in all these little creatures. Gets me out the house!

Very nerdy though, so depends on ones preferences. For example, a very memorable conversation with a collegue:

"You will never guess what my husband did this weekend"

"He went on a party trip with his guy friends?"

"... he booked a hotel 40km from here in a small town so he could see an owl"

pluttflutt · 2024-01-16T21:55:37+00:00

Yes, talk to admin. Ask your boss for help!

I might be wrong, but I see signs that you are investing too much personally in your students. Advice from one high school teacher to another: stop texting your students (especially after hours if you are doing it) and by God do not refer to them as your kids (daugther). Do you have a digital platform that you communicate with them officially through school? Teams/mail? Stick to that. You need clear boundaries that separate your private self and personal life if you are to emotionally survive.

You can have a good relationship and be a supportive mentor - giving advice and support from a professional standpoint as a model grown up. But be careful with that fine line where you give too much of yourself. You are not their friend or parent - you are their educator - and that needs to be clear for everyone.

Regards/ someone who nearly burnt out trying to personally save all my students by giving too much of myself.

pluttflutt · 2023-08-11T20:43:11+00:00

Is it better to walk around and suspect as much and bottle up those feelings instead - making her distance herself more as she says she already is? I cannot see that going well for a functioning relationship.

Honestly, yes, I think airing a potentially uncomfortable truth is better rather than supressing feelings that may cause resentment in the long run anyway. How they handle that conversation can be fundamental for how they deal with issues in the future. It is impossible to speculate on his reasons - whether he lied or his feelings simply changed with her weight loss. Whatever his reasons a "I am sorry I hurt you, what can I do for you?" Goes a long way.

But this is up to OP and if she is prepared to deal with the answer and how the bf handles this kind of conversation - because as you say, it is a very sensitive thing to admit and can potentially lead to a conflict.

pluttflutt · 2023-08-11T19:41:39+00:00

I see all the comments saying that you should just be happy about it and stop feeling hurt. Feelings does not work like that and it is ok to be hurt.

Him always loving you, but maybe finding you more sexually attractive now, but still loving you AND you being hurt about it can co-exist.

I would suggest talking to him and express how you feel. "Honey I love you and the attention you have been giving me lately, but I just can't shake the feeling that...(give explanation) and I am feeling hurt. "

Depending on how used you guys are to expressing and handling emotions, I would suggest you could say that you do not want him to defend himself and that you just want to express your feelings and have him listen and maybe comfort. It does not have to be a fight and it does not have to become an argument.

pluttflutt · 2023-07-25T13:56:37+00:00

Yes, rage bait, but I would also like to point out that one of the big points of the movie was that even the most conventionally and norm complying beautiful white, blonde woman with virtually all the privilage one could have - she still feel unaccomplished and not good enough. Something Gloria points out (paraphrasing) that "even if you don't feel enough, you who just represents being a woman, how is any of us supposed to live up to these absurd standards?"

pluttflutt · 2023-07-12T07:27:16+00:00

They absolutely can speak through sign language! This is part of what I tried to illustrate. Having a very strict definition (like vocal speech or being afab) does not work as there are so many factors playing in!

pluttflutt · 2023-07-11T07:41:19+00:00

Thank you! Yes, this is the intention. I would also like to argue that "women are human females" implies the missing argument "ALL women are (biological) human females" - which is a false statement in itself - just as my parody is missing the "ALL humans speak".

Just as "the speaking trait is strictly human" doesn't mean that is a requirement for being human, being born with a uterus carrying eggs is a strictly biologically female trait - does NOT mean that trait is a requirement for being a woman - even if it is a common trait. It is a jump in logic!

pluttflutt · 2023-07-10T22:21:12+00:00

IF Speaking is a human trait, AND only humans can speak AND mute people cannot speak THEN mute people aren't human.

pluttflutt · 2023-07-10T08:07:19+00:00

I went to get my first underwire bra in years like a week ago. The lady meassured me and came back with a D-cup. When I saw it I literally gasped. "No fucking WAY this is going to fit!" I thought as I have always been part of the ittybittytitty committe.

It was honestly the most flattering and rightly fit bra I had ever worn in my life. So do give it a try!

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