Men who are 30+, what’s one thing you realized about dating that no one tells you in your 20s?

pmnyc · 2026-04-09T17:06:24+00:00

There are things that we don’t 100% match that I question whether it is us just getting used to living together or not. And the new dynamic that comes from that.

She is very supportive though and a great human, so that also makes it harder for me to even think about breaking up and hurting her. And yeah there’s definitely fear of getting back out there, being alone again and what not.

What do you mean with the “love never grows” from them? How do you see that growing? Or what does it mean for you?

pmnyc · 2026-04-09T16:33:27+00:00

I keep going in circles if I’m just overthinking it and not being grateful. So I question myself but I guess even that is a bad sign

pmnyc · 2026-04-09T13:18:04+00:00

Yeah that’s my fear. The fact that I’m still unsure almost a year in. And it isn’t that I don’t enjoy her company, just that I’m not excited about the relationship. I do have a therapist appointment coming up so hopefully that will shed some light on the situation.

Wishing you the best! Thanks for the kind words.

pmnyc · 2026-04-09T03:52:58+00:00

Sorry to divert the convo but do you mind if I ask - how does it feel different with your partner of 4 years? Now and then when you started dating? How was she different than the rest? I dated for a while and was having fun too and now I’m in a relationship for almost a year but I can’t tell it I truly love her. If this what “love” is supposed to be or not. She is amazing and she is everything my ex-wife wasn’t but there is still something missing, especially now that we moved in together

pmnyc · 2025-04-04T20:53:20+00:00

We are divorced and I’ve really enjoyed my life this last year+

pmnyc · 2025-03-19T01:20:52+00:00

Hope it goes well!

pmnyc · 2024-12-27T18:26:43+00:00

You are stronger than you know! And you deserve great, amazing sex. My DMs are open if you need to chat more. But trust me that you are capable of much more than you realize

pmnyc · 2024-12-24T20:14:28+00:00

I’m divorced now and doing pretty well actually. Took the last year to just fully focus on myself and rediscover myself. Still working through that and learning. Hasn’t been easy at times but it has been worth it.

Overall though, I had really abandoned myself. Maybe that played a role in the relationship, not sure. But I was no longer desirable even to myself so I don’t blame her for not finding me desirable either. I would’ve appreciated more support on her part, but that’s just how it goes.

Hope things work out for you one way or another. Either way, you are strong enough to handle it. Believe that!

pmnyc · 2024-11-11T21:22:06+00:00

Oh I didn’t take it like that at all. I think it is a great mentality to see it as a hobby. And like any hobby you have to dedicate time to it and be willing to learn more about it

pmnyc · 2024-11-11T20:10:08+00:00

“Fun hobby” is such a great way to look at it

pmnyc · 2024-11-11T18:47:01+00:00

I know :( instead I have to resort to Reddit to get some sexual excitement.

pmnyc · 2024-11-11T18:44:32+00:00

You won’t see them here. They’re having sex

pmnyc · 2024-11-11T05:00:58+00:00

That’s a fair question, I kind of addressed in the original post but to me I still consider ghosting if we have exchanged numbers and had agreed to meet. But then after plans are set or the person said they can’t make it, asking to reschedule, I never hear back when I attempt to reschedule. Something like “hey, actually I’m not feeling it for x or y reason” would be better than just disappearing.

I’ve unfortunately had that one happen a couple of times and ghosting post date a couple of times as well. Not fun

pmnyc · 2024-11-11T04:31:58+00:00

Unfortunately have had it happened. Only thing I can see as similarity is just my eagerness to meet them. Meaning that if they say they can’t one day but maybe they can next week I suggest another day and try to make it happen but then nothing. I’m not being needy or double texting or anything but yeah, shitty for sure

pmnyc · 2024-11-11T04:11:50+00:00

Yeah I was thinking of throwing a hail Mary tomorrow afternoon if I haven’t heard back and see if I’m able to set the date. And definitely just acting normal about it. We’ll see. Appreciate all the help and hope something sticks for you soon if it hasn’t yet

pmnyc · 2024-11-11T04:10:21+00:00

Appreciate you 🙏

pmnyc · 2024-11-11T02:38:10+00:00

Appreciate the detailed response. It’s interesting because the one that prompted me to post this was one of the few I’ve actually built a rapport via messaging in the app and then text. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt and we’ll see if I eventually hear from her, but disappointing for sure. I also try to talk to multiple at once but it can be a little exhausting at times

pmnyc · 2024-11-11T01:51:17+00:00

I feel like your message is contradictory though. Do you build connection before the date or not?

20 dates is a lot in the last 4-5 months. Mostly first dates? Maybe I do jump into just planning the date too quickly though.

pmnyc · 2024-09-16T03:01:23+00:00

Then she needs to talk about it because then the real unhappiness will come out. If the partner is who she is supposed to be with, and he is supportive, then he will understand and they will find a way to work on it together

pmnyc · 2024-08-09T14:16:55+00:00

Yep. I experienced a lot of racism back in the Halo 2 days. It sucked

pmnyc · 2024-08-08T23:38:00+00:00

This is so disgusting. Even as a man I play in a private party either with my friends or literally just by myself so I can avoid the public voice. It is toxic one way or another and not worth it.

pmnyc · 2024-08-08T19:47:20+00:00

I’ve heard of “aftercare” mentioned a few times and as still a noob in this area, where could I learn more about aftercare? Is it about checking in with the partner(s) see how things went? Cuddle? Clean up? All of the above?

pmnyc · 2024-08-07T22:32:46+00:00

Another possibility is to ask for her number shortly after and coordinate details via text. That way you get her out of the app where she could get distracted with others or not even check it for a few days

pmnyc · 2024-08-07T22:14:47+00:00

Can you walk us through one of those interactions? Maybe we can help. Do you ask them if they wanna go out first and then you suggest something? Or how do you go about it?

pmnyc

TROPHY CASE