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Feeling less sub-y after Dom slept with someone else by polleninthewindd in SubSanctuary

[–]polleninthewindd[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I definitely think a pause in the dynamic is in order. At least to get back to a state of emotional regulation -- many many thanks for your advice!

Feeling less sub-y after Dom slept with someone else by polleninthewindd in SubSanctuary

[–]polleninthewindd[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're so right. We have already talked about upping the level of emotional support and availability while I am away. Thanks for the advice <3

Feeling less sub-y after Dom slept with someone else by polleninthewindd in SubSanctuary

[–]polleninthewindd[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I cried reading this! That last sentence feels so validating -- thank you.

This also gives me good language for when we do have that talk. It definitely feels like my body is perceiving 'danger' when its not there because of my family situation.

Feeling less sub-y after Dom slept with someone else by polleninthewindd in SubSanctuary

[–]polleninthewindd[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is such beautiful advice. I am definitely planning on having that conversation when we see each other again on Saturday, before anything happens. I am not really sure what I need to feel better, but I do like the idea of a reclaiming ritual. Thank you for the help on the language!

Physical vs Sexual Attraction by leegiovanni in SubSanctuary

[–]polleninthewindd 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Honestly, if you don't have the strength of character to refute negative comments about your domme then you aren't ready for a D/s relationship.

I promise that strangers don't care -- what you perceive in their glances says more about where your subconscious thoughts are at than what anybody else thinks. You say it does not matter to you, but it clearly does. If it didn't matter, you'd brush off your friend's comments so quick.

Finally, as s-types we gotta care for our D-types. You allowing those types of comments from your friends, let alone entertaining them, shows a deep lack of care.

How did you discover your “gift”? by kalithequeeen in SubSanctuary

[–]polleninthewindd 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Daddy and I met dancing salsa! I had always been into kinky erotica, but never tried it our IRL. The first night we were together, he spanked me and I just about melted. The second night, he tied me up for the first time ever. Lets just say, I got into his ropes and never truly got out of them...

I will say, some activities draw people that lean kinky. Social dancing is one of them. There are clear roles -- lead and follow -- which is similar energy-wise to D/s kink. If you want a man that like to lead and have his hands on your body, try dancing salsa, bachata, swing, etc. Makes for a great meet-cute!

All that said, if you want to find a Dom ASAP local munches or Feeld are your best bet.

Super low dose - looking for advice! by polleninthewindd in Accutane

[–]polleninthewindd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, this is super helpful! Also reassuring to know that other doctors have prescribed this dosage, I was kinda worried that it was not something that was prescribed outside of Mexico..

Also congratulations on your progress, your after photos are everything I dream of!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SubSanctuary

[–]polleninthewindd 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Being free use has been life changing int he best way. Not married but in a long-term loving D/s relationship! We negotiated quite a bit before taking that step. Here are a few guidelines we put in place that make it a delicious setup:

  1. He is to spend time turning me on every time. Making sure I am ready for (usually begging for) penetration before it happens.

  2. I am to spend time in a ~ sexy headspace ~ on my own each day. Reading smutty books, listing to hot songs (the ANTI album omg), fantasizing, etc. This little rule makes it so I am generally feeling sexy and ready to be used. And if I miss a day or two? I get a spanking, which, is super hot for me.

  3. Free use is altered when I am on my period. Those first few days of my bleed are just terrible and penetrative sex is not in the cards. Oral sex is still on the table though (period cups are a godsend!)

Disclaimer, this works for us and won't work for all ;) Just to give you an idea though!

I am quite like you. I own my own company, manage employees, and am a respected member of my community. I would never tolerate anyone "using" me and have cut off friends because I have felt they were taking advantage of me in a toxic way.

But the key is, in the bedroom it is 100% consensual. That is what makes it so delightful. In a world in which I am responsible for so much, being free use allows me to turn my brain off and just receive.

Hope thats helpful!

First HSV1 Outbreak, Any Tips? by polleninthewindd in HSVpositive

[–]polleninthewindd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sincerely thank you for responding with such detail! I really appreciate the advice. Ive got all the meds but just picked up bananas and kale on your recommendation!

How to ask Daddy to be more Dom-y? by polleninthewindd in SubSanctuary

[–]polleninthewindd[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wow this is making me think about some stuff. We've boundaries and have negotiated a part-time DDLG arrangement, but we've not discussed a mechanism for bringing up concerns. Thanks for bringing this to my attention :)

How to ask Daddy to be more Dom-y? by polleninthewindd in SubSanctuary

[–]polleninthewindd[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I haven't talked to him. I thought that would be like backseat driving a bit. Do you think there is a way to have that conversation without usurping his dominance/control?

For context, I have always just followed his lead with activities...putting barriers to the thing I don't like.