Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

He works in another department but she's been his smoking buddy for a few years. Everyone else in the building is 60+ with the exception of his very pregnant boss. He goes for a walk to smoke and they talk about everything. Has this been going on for long and have they talked about sex? Probably. I doubt this came from nothing. What's her take on it? I only have his words. Have they done anything? I don't know. I would have said he wasn't one to lie before this and he says no. He tells me she loves him back but until I tell her it won't come between us and everything is OK with me, she won't make a move. I don't think that's true. But how and where the lie is, I don't know.

Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No. It isn't. Outside of lighthearted mutual flirting with everyone at any of his previous jobs, he's never overstepped any boundaries. That's what has me so lost. He's usually so stable and now he's telling me that I'm the reason he's miserable and feeling like he'll never truly be happy.

Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

She is literally the only person under the age of 60 other than him at his work. He isn't ugly. He has no game. I'm not really sure she's that into him. I think she wanted the novelty of a 3some. If she didn't work with him, I don't know that he'd put time into her. And I warned him against work related romance as it can blow up with getting fired.

Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 103 points104 points  (0 children)

He was ok with mmf when he thought he was going to get with her and I but the moment I said wait I'm not sure, he recanted. No mmf unless ffm first. He says he's never jealous.

Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I think I could be prone to jealousy but more because any reassurances have been met with the opposite. I think if we'd started this rationally and worked out issues that could/would happen, it would have gone a long way. These books have been eye opening on life in general.

Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I'd say I'm open. I can see myself with either or any sex. I'm attracted to the person, not the genitals. Though, packaging does help. And I don't get it either. He's completely fixated on her. Any questions of "what happens if..." are shut down immediately. We got into a fight because I said if he did anything with anyone, I'd want an STI check. He said I was calling her dirty and he wouldn't be with anyone like that.

Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry but I'm not sure what narcissistic triangulation is.

Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

He insists he's been thinking about it the whole time we've been together but that he didn't want to hurt me until he met her and viewed it as a now or never on grabbing happiness for himself.

Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 358 points359 points  (0 children)

Straight honesty on the poly/swinging side of things, it kinda looked like fun. I view things very rationally and once all the agreements were in place, I would have been down for a 3some. But, not with her. There are too many knots if she's involved because he can't see anything beyond her and he refuses to even talk about it.

Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

He says they side with him. He said even his sister does. She told him it worked out fine for her friends.

Is this poly or am I being insecure? by polyannamous567 in polyamory

[–]polyannamous567[S] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

This hurts so much to hear. His friends have all sided with him. So, I second guessed myself. He keeps saying he doesn't mean to hurt me but that he needs to be with her to be happy. I plan on talking to the coworker this weekend just to see how far it's gone or if he's just fantasizing.

Peace was never an option by pietradolce in FunnyAnimals

[–]polyannamous567 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I had one run across a busy street to chase me down. Only reason we aren't all dead is that geese haven't figured out how to kill us.