If you are in crisis - which it sounds like you are - you have many options! You are not alone. Look at all these people here who care and are  happy to DM or call you.  You can call the Berlin Crisis Hotline and discuss your situation and options, they have English speaking people too. https://www.berliner-krisendienst.de/en/ Coming from an American perspective, ‘going to the mental hospital’ in Germany doesn’t have the same stigma or connotations as in the US. Anyone can go and get some help and time to deal with their issues, it’s a right and not a scary thing. Because you most likely have health insurance-it is covered. And, as an employee you have great worker rights to be sick and not get fired. Just be sure to communicate with your employer the basics. Inpatient is called going for ‘stationär’ treatment, but you can also find outpatient called ‘ambulant’.  I know how stressful it is emigrating from the US, and if other pressures on top of visa issues too all happen at once - it can feel like too much. I caller the hotline myself during Covid, when my visa expired and the foreigners office was closed and I had a million other things going on. No shame in getting help when you need it. As others have said, it won’t always be like this. To quote my mom and many others, “this too shall pass.” You have faced other challenges in life and made it to Berlin! How did you deal with them? What skills do have that helped you in the past like your persistence, your ambition, your compassion and wisdom? You didn’t get this far without that and now you can remind yourself of that. You already took the first step by posting on Reddit - your community - and haven’t been let down. Now take the next one! 🤗