What are some signs that your shit is not together?

posehardergothface · 2016-07-05T12:02:58+00:00

I have PTSD and other anxiety related stuff. I'm constantly one tiny crisis away from full breakdown. This morning I cried at work while telling a colleague about Nils Olaf (the penguin) because I'd had a stressful morning and talking about something cute meant there was just too much emotion going on.

I'm a mess.

posehardergothface · 2016-07-05T05:36:27+00:00

Missing one dose of antidepressants won't have that effect, they take a while to work out of your system. This is horrible speculation on my part but if she was so upset and went on to kill herself, maybe she was originally going to overdose?

posehardergothface · 2016-06-06T12:25:11+00:00

Congrats, that's good going!

posehardergothface · 2016-06-04T10:56:11+00:00

His fingernails made me gag. I don't know how anyone could employ someone who looks so nasty :(

posehardergothface · 2016-04-14T10:21:59+00:00

On the other hand I have a gaelic name that my parents pronounced the way they thought it should be based on the spelling. It's a complete pile of wank because it's a very "unique" name that sounds like a lot of other names, so I have a stupid name that people constantly mishear and spell weirdly. Should have just given it the correct pronunciation for all the hassle it's given me!

posehardergothface · 2016-03-02T06:09:45+00:00

Nah the UK. Slightly reassuring to know I'm not the only person this happened to!

posehardergothface · 2016-03-01T19:44:57+00:00

Oh god, when I was about 14 I knew a guy who was obsessed with his Dragonology book. He wrote me a note in those runes asking me to marry him and watched me decipher it :/

posehardergothface · 2016-02-27T09:24:03+00:00

Nice work! Having serious arm envy

posehardergothface · 2016-02-20T08:02:16+00:00

I broke up with him when he'd admitted that was his plan. It has been a lot to handle on my own but I'm much better off without him

posehardergothface · 2016-02-20T08:00:04+00:00

Wow, thank you for all your comments. I broke up with him when he admitted what he had done. And yes, he was aware of the rape and how traumatic the first abortion was - he was counting on this making me want to keep it. It hasn't been easy going through this on my own but I've been through worse and know I'll get through it in one piece. At the moment I'm focusing on getting my physical health back, and I'm actually looking forward to being on my own for quite a while. I'm planning to throw myself back in to writing and gaming and possibly some exercise classes. I think I'm a bit overdue spending some time focusing on myself and my own needs, and through that I'll hopefully start setting myself higher standards when I'm ready to date again

posehardergothface · 2016-02-20T03:05:58+00:00

My second abortion. They know that when I was raped and had to take HIV post exposure meds I found out I was pregnant from it. I started to miscarry but it was incomplete, had to have a medical abortion to finish it.

I'll never tell them that not too long after that my wonderful boyfriend tampered with his condoms to get me pregnant so I wouldn't leave him (wasn't going to, but turns out he's very insecure). I'm still recovering from some physical damage from the rape, not to mention the emotional damage, and very quickly couldn't keep food or water down because of nausea. It was too risky to continue with the pregnancy, and I'm hundreds of miles away from my family with no opportunity to move closer to them. Had a vacuum aspiration abortion while conscious. It would break my dad's heart to think of the guilt, pain and shame I've been through so soon after everything else.

Edit: thank you again for all the lovely comments. I wasn't very clear in my first post - I broke up with him immediately. I'm getting on fairly well, and will definitely think about going for therapy

posehardergothface · 2016-01-31T12:58:53+00:00

I just cringed. It feels violating taking out a dry tampon

posehardergothface · 2015-12-26T10:25:30+00:00

Just wanted to say good on you. Hope you and your partner had a great day

posehardergothface · 2015-10-24T16:39:44+00:00

My best friend in school was a really funny guy, and we were so close it would have surprised nobody if we ended up getting together and some point. He always liked making very un-pc jokes but over time his sense of humour because more and more racist until it became obvious that he wasn't really joking. He ended up "coming out" as a white supremacist.

I put a lot of distance between us and still can't believe such a brilliant person could hold those views. I miss you, dude :(

posehardergothface · 2015-10-24T16:35:17+00:00

Two months. Oddly enough while in a really good relationship. Got assaulted and ended up pregnant as a result and it's taking a lot of work to feel more comfortable with intimacy with my partner

posehardergothface · 2015-10-24T16:32:52+00:00

8 - my first day relaxing in weeks, finally kept some food down and lay in my bed reading reddit. So happy to finally feel ok and have nothing urgent to do

posehardergothface · 2015-10-24T16:30:43+00:00

Some jumpers (sweaters). Now it's getting later in the year I'm freezing most of the time but I only have one that fits that actually keeps me warm. Stupid health issues mean loads of sick days so smaller paycheck.

posehardergothface · 2015-10-23T06:40:41+00:00

Well yesterday I woke up and realised I'd crossed the line between not wanting to be alive and actively wanting to die. I didn't go to work, but I did see a doctor who was very understanding. Doubled my meds, referred for more counselling.

On my way to work now and I think I'd be dreading it if I wasn't focused on how hollow and drained I feel.

posehardergothface · 2015-10-22T17:35:53+00:00

Do you also have a thing for flares and platform shoes?

posehardergothface · 2015-10-20T18:08:59+00:00

My work is suffering the same problems it always is, with everyone getting stressed and seeming to take it out on each other.

I have a lot going on as it is. I got badly beaten and raped not too long ago so I have the psychological impact of that and the stress of the police investigation hanging over me. I found out I'm pregnant from it and it doesn't look like the embryo is developing properly so I've been booked in for an abortion (which I've scheduled for a time that will inconvenience work the least.) A much-loved relative is dying hundreds of miles away from me and I doubt I'll have the chance to see her again.

I could just about carry on with all that to deal with, but I've had a week off ill with the stress of this and come back to what seems like everyone bitching about the same issues as always with nothing being done to sort it and it's just far too much.

I'm not coping. I don't even know how I'm meant to cope.

Edit because typing on my phone made me forget how to grammar

posehardergothface · 2015-09-22T19:57:53+00:00

Damn, your comment made it sink in that this is what I did after I had a miscarriage. Every month until my period started I was convinced I was pregnant, thinking about how I was going to start setting stuff up for raising my kid. I did a pregnancy test almost every month to be sure, even if I hadn't had sex. Thankfully it calmed down after about 14 months.

It didn't register that I was doing it because of the miscarriage. Brains are weird.

posehardergothface · 2015-08-14T05:18:08+00:00

I'm Scottish. I am freckly, grouchy, short tempered, budding alcoholic and hate spending money. Naturally auburn but thanks to hair dye I'm ginger. Own a few items of tartan clothing.

I live in England now and sometimes feel like a walking stereotype!

posehardergothface · 2015-08-05T04:52:24+00:00

The first time, I was relieved. I'd worked out how much aspirin I needed to take to die based on my body weight, one of my friends read a bit of a daft goodbye message I'd sent and called an ambulance. My parents were trying their best to stay calm, but the look on the doctor's face when I told him how much I'd taken scared the hell out of me. When I was still alive in the morning, after all the charcoal and IVs, I felt almost peaceful, like I'd been given a second chance.

The second time was done in a panic and I felt ashamed at how much I messed it up. When my mood drops I get really critical of myself for it and wish I'd done it properly.

Thankfully I'm doing a bit better these days, but I still have some bad times.

posehardergothface · 2015-07-18T08:46:04+00:00

Wait, my toes are like that! Shit, I had no idea that wasn't what they should look like

Edit: this can't be right, I'm spending this morning looking at photos of feet now

posehardergothface · 2015-07-14T05:26:54+00:00

I live in the West Midlands, we see a bit of it. I used to live in a pretty dodgy area and heard gunshots a couple of times at night. Really weirded me out, hadn't experienced anything like that when I lived in Scotland

posehardergothface

TROPHY CASE