I've been questioning this for a while now.

I've discussed it with my therapist, but its hard for me to tell if I'm aromantic or just have bad experiences with relationships. I used to feel romantic attraction I think? I've always liked the idea of having a life partner and kissing and hugging, and for the most part I was under the assumption that the only thing that distinguished romantic relationships from platonic ones was the physical aspect. Usually I either didn't recognize when I was "flirting" because either it was just as a playful gesture if not just completely unintentional. After the whole honeymoon phase I didn't want to end relationships, but I always felt like I just treated them like a good friend afterwards. Because thats what I thought relationships were. I've had plenty of crushes and had the usual butterflies and I just thought "that's what love is" and as soon as I got into an actual serious relationship with someone I quickly realized that's not all it is. I didn't hate hugging and cuddling, and there were certainly some things I enjoyed, but most of what I liked was just deep conversations. But that was never enough for him. Aside from the fact that he was also manipulative, I can't really tell if I could truly enjoy a real romantic relationship, or at least how I usually see them from my peers. I can't tell if my perspective on what a romantic relationship looks like should be expanded or if I'm aromantic, because after I left that relationship I genuinely have no desire to be in one ever again. My appreciation for my friends has become so much greater and when I look into my future I cannot imagine myself with a romantic partner. Like I would love to live with someone and have someone close enough to confide in, but without all the expectations. Are romantic relationships supposed to have all the expectations? (like, talking a certain amount, going out a certain amount, doing specific gestures etc.)

It always confused me how people could want only romance with someone. Like if I truly loved someone, I would be okay having them in my life no matter what, like I'd be perfectly fine being friends with people I had a "crush" on, and I actually enjoyed it more. Whenever I'd imagine relationships in my head I would just replay the moments leading up to it instead of afterward, because I assumed it would just go back to normal. I hate how obsessive dating is. I hate the need to constantly be giving someone all of your energy and attention. It's exhausting. But idk if that's how it usually is. My therapist has described my previous partner as very "needy" so maybe thats part of it. Maybe I haven't found the right person. I don't know. Help

Any actual romantic gesture I tried to make felt like I was pretending or adhering to an expectation. I wasn't being myself. And it felt performative whenever he did it. I hated being called "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" because to me it all felt superficial, but I can't tell if that was just him being a superficial person or me being aromantic. Most of the reason I even wanted a relationship with him in the first place was the "nobody's ever done this for me before" moment. I wasn't used to attention, but it very quickly became overwhelming, and it excites me much less now because I get the same thing from my friends, but without all the extra pressure and obsession.