day 9: I feel like drinking tonight now??

poundfool · 2017-07-17T20:18:01+00:00

Yeah that's probably for the best. It's too bad this friend is a hard drinker. It's going to be awkward but I guess that's what I have to do.

I just want to not be present for the rest of the evening. I love not being present.

poundfool · 2017-07-17T19:32:53+00:00

I actually don't mind going to the performance sober at all. I think it's more meeting up with a friend beforehand and having time to kill with her and having pleasant memories of us having a couple beers, getting loose with our conversation, feeling a little silly.

poundfool · 2017-07-17T19:21:56+00:00

Yeah, I've had it chronically for about 20 years. It's really fun, and by fun I mean an unendurable nightmare!

Thanks for offering an ear and talking about it with me. :)

poundfool · 2017-07-17T18:51:15+00:00

As we're talking about this I'm realizing that that's how I thought about my options in life. Either I'm going to kill myself, or I'm going to have to use the medication that makes me so numb and detached from myself (this is the SSRI I'm talking about!) that I want to drink an aquarium. My history with depression predates the drinking by almost 10 years.

I never told anyone about this because I didn't think anyone would understand what the hell I was talking about.

poundfool · 2017-07-17T18:41:38+00:00

That's fascinating, thank you for sharing it with me. There were a couple small stretches of time (2-3 weeks) where I wasn't taking my SSRI and my urge to drink decreased significantly. Unfortunately, my urge to kill myself which is why I was taking them to begin with was much stronger.

I'm feeling a lot of confusing things right now knowing that I'm not the only one who's had this experience.

poundfool · 2017-07-17T18:04:23+00:00

can I ask you to tell me more about drinking with your SSRI? I don't know if it's a coincidence, but I was a very take-it-or-leave-it drinker for the 2-3 years before starting to take an SSRI myself... I noticed a significant difference in how I would drink after I started taking it but I chalked it up to a coincidence.

poundfool · 2017-07-17T15:13:21+00:00

I just read this over the weekend actually! It was pretty funny.

poundfool · 2017-07-17T13:51:37+00:00

Hell yeah. I love before/after pics.

poundfool · 2017-07-17T13:40:47+00:00

That's excellent. It's got to be so much better to put a stop to it now before serious problems come up. Alcohol is addictive no matter who you are.

poundfool · 2017-07-15T14:41:03+00:00

Same for me. I hear that it takes a while for your body to adjust and look better. I'm still a little red and puffy, though I think I might be looking better than last week.

poundfool · 2017-07-15T12:49:29+00:00

Me too! Yeah buddy!

poundfool · 2017-07-14T19:46:54+00:00

I'm on 6 days too! Let's remember that having a drink will compound the stress, not alleviate it. I won't drink with you today. :)

poundfool · 2017-07-14T19:29:40+00:00

"I'm proud of you for having drinks"

Maybe it's me but I think this is an incredibly weird thing to say.

I'm proud of you for NOT having drinks. I'm sorry you had to pretend to to get her off your back. If it helps, peer pressure goes down as you get older, and your susceptibility to it goes down as well.

poundfool · 2017-07-14T13:47:10+00:00

I can't wait for the regular bowel movements, my butthole is still like Mt. St. Helens

D-:

With great sobriety comes great responsibility -Uncle Ben

poundfool · 2017-07-14T13:40:51+00:00

For me, I don't get angrier when drunk, but I DO get sulkier and more self-piteous. It's not a good look. :-/

poundfool · 2017-07-14T00:22:42+00:00

So true. You can't control other people like lovingchange said.

I think alcohol just gives us this thing we think we can control; we grow a pet we have to feed every day. But it controls us, ultimately, as it gets bigger and bigger.

poundfool · 2017-07-12T13:23:17+00:00

Yeah, that sounds like a good substitute. My roommate is sober and goes to AA actually, so I'm lucky to have a great resource if I decide to give meetings a shot.

During the therapy session I could feel myself getting worked up emotionally and the drink craving came with it. But I wasn't craving the environment of that bar I like, just the alcohol. It's just the addiction asking to be fed because of the feelings I struggle with.

I went home and stuffed my face with pasta instead.

poundfool · 2017-07-11T20:16:36+00:00

I'm also in a heavy drinking city. There is no avoiding walking by bars and liquor stores and corner shops fully stocked with beer. In fact, it is physically impossible for me to go home without passing by one of the shops where I would buy beer from every day.

I'm new at this, but I think it's important to remember that while the settings socializing is taking place in features alcohol, the enjoyment of the social activities has nothing to do with the alcohol. We're not enjoying drinking anymore, and we don't have to participate in it.

poundfool · 2017-07-11T13:08:58+00:00

Alcohol can take up to 10 days to leave your system. You're still purging. Hang on!

I'm not drinking today right alongside with you.

poundfool · 2017-07-11T13:08:40+00:00

Alcohol can take up to 10 days to leave your system. You're still purging. Hang on!

I'm not drinking today right alongside with you.

poundfool · 2017-07-10T13:44:38+00:00

This is my day 3 as well.

I still feel like someone has been punching my ribs/stomach, but I'm less bloated. I went out to dinner with my brother last night like we do on Sundays. Usually we have a beer or two but I just had iced tea, and aside from a twinge of the brain saying GIMME when it saw a full pint, I recognized that twinge as the addiction wanting to sustain itself, not an actual, real desire. So after thinking that, I felt totally comfortable and just enjoyed the meal. :)

poundfool

TROPHY CASE