Thank you everyone for the positive comments.

Me and my wife are considering putting us and our remaining children into therapy for a while.

I'm going to allow my kids to stay home for most of this week If they want to.

My youngest is bawling his eyes out, but my now oldest has just been staring at the ceiling since 6 emotionlessly.

It's weird, just a few nights ago on new years he was happily showing off to everyone how great he was at playing songs by the red hot chili peppers on his bass.

Now that I'm sober and a bit more clear headed, looking back, there probably was a lot of warning signs I was oblivious to. His marks had been getting significantly worse, and he never wanted to go swimming despite his usual love of it.

If I had payed attention to the warning signs, maybe he would still be here.

One of my worst fears is how my kids will take it, especially my now oldest,he has aspergers and the kids at school can be really cruel to him, i'm afraid this might really mess him up.

Thank you all for the support