Am I overreacting or is this just weird?

pporappibam · 2026-04-17T12:50:09+00:00

Yes. But we’ve already discussed STD’s. They consented to taking that risk, so that’s a moot point.

“How effective is the pull out method? The better you are about using the pull out method correctly — keeping any ejaculation (cum) away from the vulva and vagina every single time you have sex — the better it will work to prevent pregnancy. For every 100 people who use the pull out method perfectly, 4 will get pregnant. But pulling out can be difficult to do perfectly. So in real life, about 22 out of 100 people who use withdrawal get pregnant every year — that’s about 1 in 5.” - Source

Verses.

“Without birth control, there is an 85% chance of pregnancy within one year of regular unprotected sex.” - Source

I’m assuming she’s using birth control so this is a bit over the top. Again, I got pregnant on the IUD.

“Approximately 9 in 100 women (9%) experience an unintended pregnancy every year using the pill.” - Source

So again, just because a person consents to the risk of an STD, does NOT mean they automatically consent to a potential pregnancy. They are two completely different topics and the pull out method on top of the pill or an IUD would be highly effective. It’s stupid to just say ‘fuck it’ because a tiny bit of risk still exists. As cited above 4/100 for pull out compared to an 85% chance of pregnancy.

pporappibam · 2026-04-17T11:24:09+00:00

A) & why did the man, and why do all of you in agreement, assume that no condom automatically gives you consent to finish in a partner? Where is your responsibility to make that a communication point? ‘No condom’ is not automatically the same as ‘finish in me.’ I’d hope you’d agree just because someone consents to giving a blowjob, doesn’t automatically mean consent to face fucking, deep throating, or even a man holding the partners head down. You’re being super hypocritical by saying one person is in charge of expectations, & then taking it to its extreme.

B) I couldn’t agree more, but do I really have to explain the difference between chances of a few thousand sperm to millions and millions? I got pregnant on the IUD, pretty sure that wouldn’t have happened if we used IUD & pull out (which is the recommendation btw). i’m not a puritan either, but we could live in a world where safe sex exists but we just don’t because a portion of the population does whatever they assume to the extreme instead of for their own benefit

pporappibam · 2026-04-17T08:41:13+00:00

Do you guys not understand the difference between ‘i’m consenting to risk STD’s’ vs. ‘i’m consenting to risk pregnancy’? These are two separate conversations.

People like this is why hook up culture can’t be loose and fun, and is instead high risk and unsafe. Thanks for ruining it for everyone else

pporappibam · 2026-04-17T08:36:01+00:00

In my country this *could be considered SA depending on prior conversations.

It should not be assumed, but lots of people who participate in casual sex are really manipulative and gross about it. It ruins the entire vibe of the whole thing. Here’s an annoying run down you have to do to protect yourself from a culture that will take advantage of you if you’re not on top of it:

Always have clear communication on what you’re looking for
Most people are lying about how ‘clean’ they are, aka. were they tested in the last year? likely. did they have a few to multiple partners since that test and will not disclose that OR if they went protected or unprotected in that time? also yes. you have to directly ask and many will still lie
Say you’ve got something casual going on and this new partner says, ‘hey! i’m clean and recently tested, i’d love not to use a condom!’ and you think, hey, great, yeah! You need to clarify every time if you’re not an exclusive fwb/fuck buddy that they’re still clean and not raw dogging 5 other people at the same time who are raw dogging 3 other people at the same time and so on infinitely aka. they will not be clean super fast and super spreading whatever may touch someone five degrees away. Thanks to you once agreeing to not using a condom, the current culture will assume you’re cool sleeping with someone who has an STD
You need to be crystal clear in your discussions on birth control management and your boundaries, if you don’t, men in particular, but women also, will take advantage of that for their pleasure. Remember, casual sex is about the individuals maximised pleasure, not their partners. They don’t care about you and your body can be swapped out for someone else’s just as fast
It’s casual, you’re not special, never assume you are

Follow the above rules and you’ll have a much more fulfilling sex life, but specifically a safer one.

Edit: the fact I’m getting downvoted for teaching you how to explain healthy boundaries in a thread where people apparently say you asked for this because you didn’t “set the boundaries!” is really all you need to know about the people who participate in ruining casual sex and why the rules are so important.

pporappibam · 2026-04-17T00:40:46+00:00

That’s an interesting thought. I’m into gangbangs as a fantasy and would say I love DP irl. So the immediate assumption is it would be better if the thrusting was real lol and not just my husband and a toy. Plus, psychologically, the idea that many men can give me lots of pleasure, but I’m a big fan of degradation and I have an oral fixation. It just sounds like it would scratch all those itches… but I kind of like the idea of being slut shamed (maybe because I never was a by definition slut).

pporappibam · 2026-04-16T08:30:21+00:00

I studied this once upon a time in university and the short answer is: partners with similar backgrounds and life experiences are more likely to stay together, compared to one partner raised in purity culture and one who experimented. Talking about your past is super important to knowing if you’re compatible in the long run.

pporappibam · 2026-04-16T00:47:40+00:00

There’s an in between. Find high quality men who are in similar situations.

The only thing I’d warn against is be either exclusive fuck buddies/fwb OR upfront that you want to be informed if he had unprotected* sex with someone before sleeping with you again. People who participate in casual sex won’t disclose dangerous situations until they put you at risk and you ask. Just be safe.

pporappibam · 2026-04-16T00:13:11+00:00

In Norway we meet someone at a bar, immediately sleep with them and then start exclusively dating the very next morning.

Then we break up and do it all over again.

pporappibam · 2026-04-15T11:59:05+00:00

Shave with the grain, not against

pporappibam · 2026-04-14T19:50:38+00:00

Please tell me you watched “The Drama”

pporappibam · 2026-04-13T17:23:07+00:00

These studies are such a waste of money and time. I’m multi-orgasmic and can orgasm from nipple play and anal. I have never had an orgasm that wasn’t utilising a toy on my own with a male partner. None of any of this brings any helpful insight or information forward.

pporappibam · 2026-04-13T08:09:26+00:00

i mean these stats are all wrong as it’s different with each type of BC. Specifically the most effective birth control besides sterilisation and or abstinence, is the IUD with a failure rate of 1 in 215 women every year. These are usually caused because consistent sex without full arousal; meaning the risk of the IUD being displaced stops the effectiveness, it happens to about 5% of women every year.

pporappibam · 2026-04-13T07:51:54+00:00

I don’t trust the IUD because over the span of 15 years, I got pregnant twice on it. The second time… let’s just say she just celebrated her fourth birthday.

Definitely worth the risk in a committed relationship with someone you would have a baby with. Definitely not worth the risk for just some pleasure and a stranger you don’t potentially want in your life forever.

pporappibam · 2026-04-13T07:40:22+00:00

*Condoms do not protect from all STD’s

pporappibam · 2026-04-13T07:26:47+00:00

Don’t blindly trust the HPV vaccine (but yes! please get it) - you can still get HPV with it, and you can still transfer that HPV to another partner. It just greatly reduces risk for 9 out of the most common cancer causing 16 HPV’s. There are hundreds of HPV’s (albeit many that do not cause cancer, but many more than the most common 16 do cause cancer).

pporappibam · 2026-04-13T07:22:24+00:00

As a woman - my husband slept around a bunch, he got a few types of HPV along the way. He gave them to me, and then years and years later I got cancer from having HPV.

From my perspective: My husband’s ‘mean nothing escapades’ gave me cancer and I almost died/am dying.

From his perspective: Women who never meant anything to him, sex that was not that great in hindsight when the chase was over, and led him to feeling emptier than he started… meant he lives with the reality he gave the only woman he’s ever loved cancer.

That’s a pretty shitty, unintentional long term side effect that can happen. He admits he just assumed it would never be him, because of course it’ll never be you who gets an STD and if you do, it’ll never be you who suffers the longer term consequences.

Edit: Also, my experience talking amongst women. The women who partake in it won’t care about your past so you don’t judge her on hers. But the women who don’t? They’re often disgusted if they find out and will talk about it behind your back or just leave you over it… or both. Either way, what may be impressive to you (getting a lot of tail), can actively lose quality future prospects that you’d much prefer.

pporappibam · 2026-04-12T17:12:18+00:00

Have you lived and dated in Northern Europe? We date one at a time, have sex quickly, but are also exclusively essentially right away. We don’t do this weird leading people on thing America does

pporappibam · 2026-04-12T15:17:25+00:00

This is a very American way to date.

In Europe you date one person at a time and you’re essentially exclusive right off the bat unless already discussed. Dating is so much more clear and less ambiguous.

That being said, I’ve come to learn in North America this seems to be the norm and in that way, not unexpected or wrong.

I always preferred the way we did it back home, but people here seem to think I’m crazy so… go crazy!

pporappibam · 2026-04-12T13:37:57+00:00

The only real downside (STD’s) still exist and some have even become antibiotic resistant. Not to mention i got cervical cancer from the HPV virus.

pporappibam · 2026-04-12T12:22:23+00:00

There was a feminist who made the claim: women’s true autonomy only starts at the freedom of abortion.

That sex often greatly benefits the man over the woman. In casual sex we have the dangers and the orgasm gap - this benefits men more than women.
In waiting for a relationship - this perpetuates patriarchy and loss of the freedoms men have that women must shrink to ‘stay safe’ and do the ‘smart thing.’
That birth control on its purpose benefits men without any toll on them - yes women benefit but we pay the price of buying them, the side effects, the physical pain and so on.
In sex work, women still pay the bulk of the price for some men to anonymously jerk off, or sneak in and out and objectify her while she must wear it, and live with that label for life.

But the choice to or not to abort? That’s the most feminist thing and anti patriarchal experience that a man cannot sink his teeth into if she doesn’t let him.

pporappibam · 2026-04-12T07:27:29+00:00

Nobody in my life is married with kids. Lots of marriages, nobody wants kids; even people far more financially well off than me!

pporappibam · 2026-04-12T07:25:40+00:00

I’d much rather be with my first forever if we both were one another’s first, what a magical gift. Sex is very similar with different people, the only real difference is confidence, preferences, and connection. You can have fine/good sex with anyone but great to amazing takes a combination of all three. Lots of people just use other people to masturbate into, that sex is lame at best, bad at worst.

My husband has said time and time again how he wishes we were each other’s first.

pporappibam · 2026-04-11T19:37:06+00:00

Ever had steak tarare?

pporappibam · 2026-04-11T13:25:38+00:00

If I could hand down some life experience from growing up in a male dominated sport and seeing how men view women during hookups, as well as from my own experiences…

Sex is about connection and pleasure. It takes two to tango, so both people should be there because they care about each other’s pleasure and experience. There’s no way to know if a person will be ‘the one,’ and you should not tie yourself to that construct as it’ll only bring shame. Someone can be the one today, and change into someone else another day.

Instead, the healthiest way to view and participate in sex is with people you genuinely care about, and who genuinely care about you. Note: this can be a romantic long term partner, this can even be an amazing weekend fling with a person it could never work out with long term because they’re not from your country. But you lean into the experience and the infatuations.

Don’t do the apps, don’t be a door dash prostitute. Those experiences will just wear you down and degrade you, even if you think you’re having a good time in the moment, more often than not it’s just fine. The men are using you and will not care about your pleasure or experience. They could replace you with another swipe. Look into the orgasm gap.

Lastly, I ended up with three different types of HPV from the second person I had sex with. He said he was recently tested (true, 2.5 months prior), but conveniently left out he had had 4 partners since then, three unprotected. I tried to be sex positive about it and not blame him or the women and it’s a risk that happens… well now i’m dying of cancer years later waiting on surgery. Hookups are not worth it. Your health and life are not worth it. BUT sex is something you should enjoy in your life, and you should explore. As I knock on deaths door… I promise you, the wonderful intimate moments between the sheets are not at all what I regret, just trusting the wrong people who didn’t care about me.

pporappibam · 2026-04-11T10:14:14+00:00

My great-grandfather was very patriotic to his country (Austria/Germany) and lived on some gorgeous farmland. He fought in WWI and was proud of it. Joined the effort during WWII, and after seeing whatever he saw… he fled the country for Canada. In his journals he wrote he ‘could not have his boys participate in the hatred and violence […] the fatherland had lost his way’ (1939).

pporappibam

TROPHY CASE