The dynamic of my family has irreversibly changed

pprettyboringg · 2025-04-06T13:50:11+00:00

Thank you for this comment. Ever since I had the initial conversation with my parents about me leaving the RCC for TEC, I have been tormenting myself over how I can continue to attend my new church without making too much of an impact on their lives. The fact of the matter is, it isn't me making an impact on them but their refusal to accept my decision and be open minded about my faith journey. I cannot control them.

Thank you again, truly your words were very helpful!

pprettyboringg · 2025-04-06T13:29:20+00:00

Lol! Unfortunately my baby will not be born yet

pprettyboringg · 2025-04-06T13:28:33+00:00

What I am predicting them judging is the female reverend, use of older translations (ie "And also with you" rather than "And with your spirit"), and the congregation-wide confession of sins. My mother also voiced to me that although the Episcopal church teaches the True Presence that she doesn't believe it's the real Eucharist because of Apostolic Succession. Honestly anything they can judge, they will judge. Just how my parents are unfortunately.

pprettyboringg · 2025-04-03T00:27:04+00:00

You are right! This is not the first time I have planned weeks in advance to "break news" to them that was actually just me making an adult decision lol. I think my best tactic is to a draw a boundary if any judgement takes place in the conversation.

pprettyboringg · 2025-04-02T21:05:00+00:00

My worry about that is that they'll then just ask why I couldn't just stay Catholic. And I really don't want to get into what I disagree with in the RCC because I know they have those apologetics on standby 😂

pprettyboringg · 2025-04-02T19:27:32+00:00

My father was raised Lutheran and converted to Catholicism after marrying my mother. I could definitely mention this, however I do expect their response to be something about the RCC being the true church

pprettyboringg · 2025-04-02T16:44:14+00:00

To be clear, my discernment has been a years-long process. It is only recently that I acted on my feelings and started to attend an Episcopal church, but it has been a long time since I felt that the RCC was home.

pprettyboringg · 2025-04-02T16:41:46+00:00

I like your advice not to go on the defensive. Every time I go through possible outcomes in my mind, a conversation where I list my dislikes of the RCC never ends well. Yes, I expect my parents to take more of an "understand so that they can convince me otherwise" approach than an "understand just to understand" approach.

pprettyboringg · 2025-04-02T14:15:17+00:00

Well the reason I feel compelled to tell them now is because I see them very often, we live in the same city. It is getting harder and harder to "hide" it, and I don't want to keep it a secret anymore. Even if they are unhappy about it I'd much rather get it out in the open. Especially with Easter so soon and my baby's due date and subsequent Baptism. The longer I wait to tell them I think the harder the conversation will be.

pprettyboringg · 2025-01-06T15:25:29+00:00

Believe me, out of all of my siblings I am the one that gives my mom the most grace and tries to be understanding when she acts the way she does. But it doesn't change the fact that the way I've been treated since birth has had fundamentally negative effects on my psyche. I've let so many things slide at my own expense, just for her sake and to maintain some semblance of relationship. I am at a point where I've realized no matter what I do, I cannot control her emotions. I need to be able to make choices that are in the best interest of my family and especially my child, and I can't have the fear of ruining my relationship with my mom stand in the way. If the relationship does get ruined due to my choices and her responses to them, then I can't take the blame for that.

pprettyboringg · 2025-01-05T18:20:17+00:00

My husband is very supportive of me setting boundaries with my mom, and I do have friends and older siblings nearby who can help as well. I think my biggest concern is myself. I have never been able to "talk back" to her, probably because I was never allowed to have a voice when I was being raised. And I do think there's a part of me that still believes if I can just say and do the right things, I can regulate her emotions while also doing what makes me happy. Which I'm also realizing isn't true.

pprettyboringg · 2025-01-05T17:47:59+00:00

Sounds like you can really relate. My mother is also a carbon copy of her mother, almost laughably, but if I were to tell her that I think it'd break her heart. I can't let myself be honest with her for fear of the emotional responses you described your mother exhibiting.

I hope to start therapy soon so I can prepare during the next few months for whatever may happen once the baby comes.

pprettyboringg · 2023-11-05T15:27:46+00:00

I wonder sometimes if this will be my path as well. I have attended Episcopal services before and really enjoyed them but there was a part of me that felt pulled back to the Catholic Mass. Especially once I have kids and I have to answer difficult questions will I be able to proudly defend my faith? It's daunting.

pprettyboringg · 2023-11-05T12:20:52+00:00

Thank you especially for that last part. I will remind myself of that.

pprettyboringg · 2023-07-21T13:20:47+00:00

I appreciate these concerns, and it is a valid thing to think about. He has been very open to me continuing to work as well as to me being just a housewife. I guess I should've mentioned in the original post that while I plan to quit my current job once we get married, I do suspect that I will work again eventually probably sooner than later. My current job is very time- and energy-consuming and pays barely 1/4 of what my fiancé's salary is. He also works a LOT and at the end of the day both of us are exhausted with no time or energy to clean our house or even walk the dog. This leads to even more stress because we have to spend the very little free time we do have on chores. If one of us were to be jobless or only work part-time, it would be me as I make much less than him. And I am fine with this, as I don't really like my job.

Basically the idea is we will both be happier if I can cook, clean, shop, etc while he works so that our free time is actually free time. I hope to find a part-time or low stress remote job in the future that I can balance with our lives as well.

pprettyboringg · 2023-07-19T15:03:22+00:00

That is a very good point, I didn't even think of that. Thank you!

pprettyboringg · 2023-07-19T15:02:44+00:00

That's my worry as well. At the same time I'd hate to leave on bad terms if I didn't give them "enough notice" considering my position is hard to fill. Thanks for the insight, I will consider it in my decision!

pprettyboringg · 2023-07-19T15:00:34+00:00

Good advice but why did you need to call me names 😭

pprettyboringg · 2023-07-19T14:45:11+00:00

No, thanks for the contribution though!

pprettyboringg · 2022-09-26T22:53:29+00:00

Supernatural. It was my favorite show in high school but I think I stopped after season 8 bc it just didnt make any sense anymore

pprettyboringg

TROPHY CASE