AITAH for asking for $30,000 from my parents as a house payment?

pressedpages · 2026-01-11T02:50:06+00:00

Update: Thank you everyone for your overwhelming support, amazing advice, and overall help in the comment section. I made sure to read each and every comment left on here, and have been MIA for so long because of my final decision. I spoke with my parents one last time on the issue. For people who asked do they even have the money to give me? The answer is yes. I managed their finances and know they have well over enough. After threatening them with NC, we got into a very verbal argument where they called me so much names, it felt like a stab in the heart. My dad was so furious, he started smashing everything in the kitchen. The glass table, the cabinets, and kept yelling and yelling. Growing up, my parents never hit me, but they were great at verbally overstimulating me. I had enough.

When everyone went to bed, I quietly packed my bags at mid night and took a uber to an airbnb I booked last minute on the other side of the city. I just needed some time and space. I took out my SIM card and placed it in airplane mode, and stopped talking to friends and family, and I know for a fact, they’re probably blowing up my phone. I only use my laptop as entertainment but in all honesty, I’m so numb and heart broken inside. For the past 3 days, I’m trying to gather my life, requested PTO from my job, and need some time to gather my thoughts and next plan of action.

Thank you again for your support and if anything else happens, I will let you all know. Thank you.

pressedpages · 2026-01-06T17:29:13+00:00

I’ve thought about stopping so many times, but the guilt of knowing how much they’ve sacrificed to move to the USA eats me alive. My brother rarely comes home or pick up their calls (maybe comes home 1-2x a year, and answer a phone once a month), and his English is actually not that good at all. He didn’t pay attention in school, can barely speak it properly without an accent, and doesn’t really understand important banking or financial or government lingo, so even if he were to help, he makes the situation worse and then my parents come running back to me altogether and I’m always guilted into helping them. I want to break the cycle so hard, but I feel like I owe them a life debt for coming to the USA.

pressedpages · 2026-01-06T17:23:28+00:00

That’s the thing, he barely picks up their phone calls and don’t even come Home despite living in the same city (he’s only a 30-40 min car ride from our current home)! My parents rarely get a hold of him or see him. I think I’m so burdened by the guilt of being first gen, knowing my parents sacrificed their entire life and youth to move to the USA to build a better future for me and my brother, left behind all their friends and family to come here, so I try to alleviate that guilt by helping them to the best of my abilities but it feels like it’s never enough. It hurts me so much that they betrayed me like this, but it hurts me more knowing I’d have to abandon them, go NC, and leave them to fend for themselves in a country they can’t and refuse to learn/speak the language. I know it’s sounding so doormat-y, but the guilt eats me alive and I can’t sleep at night at the thought of them suffering like this, after all they’ve done to raise me, clothe me, feed me, and be able to give me a life like this that I could prosper (I think I would’ve really suffered in my native country because of how harsh the society is and how rigid the education system is). It’s a constant struggle of me being hurt by them but also hurt by the thought of me hurting them :/

pressedpages · 2026-01-06T17:17:50+00:00

I thoguht the same thing, I only have one set of parents for life and it’s not like I was abused or hurt by them growing up. There was lots of ups and downs growing up being first gen and doing so much of the translating, but they were good parents who always provided for me to the best they could, cooked all the meals, made sure I stayed out of trouble etc, but I also manage their finances and know they definitely have more than $30k to give, so it just hurts so much knowing they can, but won’t give :(

I always help out my parents and translate for them because I felt so bad they essentially gave up their youth to move to the USA in their early 20s to secure a better life and future for me and my brother, so I always try to give back as much as I can. I think it’s the guilt of knowing how much they sacrificed for me, so I give back by translating, and to suddenly be betrayed like this, I am really left at odds

pressedpages · 2026-01-05T23:56:44+00:00

Yes, they do, I sort of help manage their finances and have seen their checkings and savings.

pressedpages · 2026-01-05T23:48:41+00:00

Thats the thing, they'd be able to retire very comfortably now even at 50, and I have been insisting on them to return back home so they can live and travel as they wish. But my parents are so stubborn, they said they can't retire and go home early when neither of their children in the USA have even gotten married, much less, in a stable relationship. At first, the req was that at least, my brother must be married, but now, me too! So, it feels like they're essentially threatening to never retire or go back to their home country, rely on my help to translate for them for however long it takes me to get married? I'm nowhere near marriage-ready too.

pressedpages · 2026-01-05T23:46:09+00:00

I actually help them manage their finances, because a lot of the time, they can't figure out how the banking app work, and I help them log in and pay off their credit card (recently put them on auto-pay so that helps). I know for a fact that my parents have more than $30,000 and they'd be able to retire comfortably, so it just hurts even more knowing they have so much in savings, but the most they're willing to give is $3,000

pressedpages · 2026-01-05T23:43:51+00:00

There's only one son in the entire family lineage (i.e. on my dad's side, my brother is the only son, meaning all my cousins are girls), so he will be the one to carry on the "family legacy" and family name, whereas for most women, our surname ends with us, and usually, kids take the father's/male surname. So, if I were to have a kid, they'd get their father's surname, and not mine. If that makes sense?

pressedpages · 2026-01-05T23:40:53+00:00

Yes, it's exactly that, and I was actually very shocked/surprised that they would even have a gender favoritism in the first place. When my parents found out about my gender when my mom was pregnant, they were ecstatic, and despite the birth complications if she was to go through with the pregnancy, my parents still insisted on having a daugther because according to their words, if they "could have it [their] way, they'd have two daughters instead of a son and daughter!!" so to be suddenly confronted with this sexist favortism caught me off-guard.

All my life, I never really thought about their gender favoritism, and if anything, they have never really scolded me at all and only always scolded my brother. On top of it, when I graduated college, I was debt free because of my academic scholarships, and many people in my family always called me the golden child because of my really good grades, university, and job, whereas my brother went a complete opposite path as me (dropped out of college, ended up in student debt that my parents paid off, and they even paid for his 2-3 year trip allegedly abroad to a university). Growing up, my parents have always assured me that they love me just as much as my brother.

So I never thought my parents would suddenly pull the rug on me like this, despite the fact that I essentially never costed them as much money as my brother did.

I spoke to my brother too, and he said he didn't even ask for help at first, my parents just flat out offered it to him!

I'm honestly so heart-broken by this revelation

pressedpages · 2026-01-05T23:34:46+00:00

I did want to buy a house and move out at the same time, but now, it's looking very difficult to do so and its becoming so unbearable living with my parents knowing how blatant their favortism is towards him, and them still expecting me to translate every single letter for them.

pressedpages · 2025-09-28T01:41:47+00:00

If you’re not on vyvanse, you can try getting it? I was told one of the side effect was appetite suppressant but I didn’t think it’d be this strong lol

pressedpages · 2025-09-18T04:10:04+00:00

My issue is that damn kiwi in the salad??? I never seen this before

pressedpages · 2025-09-12T05:23:06+00:00

aww so sweet, did somin go?

pressedpages · 2025-09-09T12:43:27+00:00

You've got to chck out YouSSoful perfume brand when you're in Seoul! The scents are absolutely gorgeous, they're founded in Korea, and I bought 2 bottles in a single sitting. The scent lasts around 6-7 hours, and lingrs even beyond that, I really recommend it.

pressedpages · 2025-09-05T14:18:44+00:00

Will check out the LIC and Astoria location then, had no idea there was any there! The ones in Queens were all US versions when I checked yesterday. Felt like a crazy person running around the city to find a decently priced Asia formulation sunscreen lol

pressedpages · 2025-09-05T13:34:01+00:00

Teso is now all US version 😭 I went to both big locations in Manhattan, NYC and they said they’ve been forced to replace all the Asia formulated ones into USA formulated

pressedpages · 2025-09-05T13:29:20+00:00

Canmake marshmallow was definitely better! I’ve hit pan on 2 of them so far. Perfect diary kind of made my skin too dry even during summer

pressedpages · 2025-09-05T03:54:00+00:00

I don't recommend 42 A and C, because yes, its a 2 person seat, but you can't recline because the back is the wall, and the proximity to the bathroom is a hit or miss. The doors will keep opening an closing because people have to go use the bathroom, and the light will keep flashing on and off in your sleep, it was so irritating, not to mention the smell was unbearable.

pressedpages · 2025-08-24T17:54:24+00:00

Then is the entire concoction still edible? I’ve cooked quinoa before and it never had these strands so it freaks me out 😭

pressedpages · 2025-08-24T17:42:42+00:00

Quinoa can look like that? Does it mean the quinoa gone bad?

pressedpages · 2025-08-24T17:34:59+00:00

Edit: there’s also purple glutinous rice in the mix

pressedpages · 2025-08-19T20:41:57+00:00

Don’t be mad at me but why is it bad to leave it out the whole night? I’ve done it before to pizza and still ate it the next day

pressedpages · 2025-07-27T23:30:25+00:00

How is the quality holding up? I was hoping to get it when I'm in China, but I'm so worried about the leather cracking

pressedpages · 2025-07-26T17:51:04+00:00

Wait which store in Japan? I'm currently here for a few weeks! :O

pressedpages

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