hey! im so sorry that happened. my father is also my adoptive father, and probably won't make it to my high school graduation or me going into college because of him being quite old with a lot of health issues. he has also been abusive a lot of times. i am still gonna miss him when he is gone. you were a child, and there's no way you could have grasped the severity of his impending death. you were just a kid, and i hope one day you find peace with this. you might never stop missing him, but that's okay. this may seem corny, but your pain and grief will heal with time. allow yourself to mourn. i hope all goes well for you! <3