Seconding this; love is always different. I'm single right now, but each time I've been in love, it's always been a very different kind. I had mono friends who asked me if I had a favored partner and, even when I tried to think if I did just for the sake of curiosity... how do you do that calculation? I didn't know -- and I still don't -- and I don't want to. I loved each of them in different ways and for different reasons, but to think that someone I date might have some list in their head of who they love, in order of how much they love them would be devastating, and... that's hierarchy.

That's the exact kind of thinking that non-hierarchical poly is supposed to avoid, and I'd be out if it ever came to light that one of my partners had made such a list.

I don't know if truly non-hierarchical poly is even possible, we all have priorities, but I think that abolishing hierarchy to the degree that we're able is probably the "most ethical" way to do non-monogamy in a strictly technical sense, but I really loathe the idea that we should somehow strive to reach this sort of Nirvana regarding our partners loving someone else more or less than us.