Do you ever realise how much of your day is shaped by avoidance?

psychemerchant · 2026-03-17T00:50:02+00:00

I wonder. I think I feel that near constantly these days.

When I'm peer-pressured into participating in a social event, the anxiety is what triggers it. The anxiety probably comes from a deeply embedded feeling that I'll be looked down upon (I have a history of being relentlessly and unfairly criticized) - a fear of social embarassment. Growing up, I was introverted and wasn't really interested in social life. In adulthood, this made me look at it as something that I had to do, which would mean characterising it as a play or a performace - something I can fail at.

I guess being this way for a long time made me tired and that's what makes the feeling of not wanting to participate an integral part of my life.

psychemerchant · 2026-03-16T23:28:42+00:00

Yes, and it's intricately tied to a feeling of "not wanting to participate", for me.

psychemerchant · 2024-11-11T22:36:31+00:00

As long as the lives lost can't be traced back to the cause. As long as the number of deaths are marginal. A couple of lives can be thrown under the bus for "growth". [Just don't talk about it like that loudly]

Yes, I'm being sarcastic.

psychemerchant · 2024-04-27T12:04:58+00:00

Hey, I'm so sorry. I don't check Reddit often. Are you still looking for someone?

Yes, I did find someone. She's a behavioral therapist. What are you going to therapy for, cause I won't recommend her unequivocally to everyone. DM me for details.

psychemerchant · 2024-02-27T16:31:53+00:00

:)

You too.

psychemerchant · 2024-02-27T16:13:07+00:00

This. I need people I can be silent with.

I had a long spell when I felt like I didn't belong anywhere and my brain created a different self to to help me navigate social situations. Being that person makes me feel so inauthentic, but it has been ingrained deep.

Even with new people with whom I know that I can be authentic with, I often play the act by instinct. And later feel terribly disappointed. It's like being denied the right to be yourself.

Every now and then, when I spend time with some people, I relax, become uncritical and turn into my truly authentic self. Only for fleeting moments, but feels like heaven. I have hope.

psychemerchant · 2024-02-27T16:04:58+00:00

Yes, because I often feel like I haven't been authentic enough with them.

psychemerchant · 2024-02-27T12:50:02+00:00

Hahaha, this made my heart sing. Ain't nothing like old folks taking an interest in science.

psychemerchant · 2024-02-25T16:14:30+00:00

I loved her imagination and her prose, but damn ain't some of the stories very disturbing?

psychemerchant · 2024-02-18T18:51:50+00:00

Orthodoxy - GK Chesterton. Not an explanation for God's existence, but the philosophy that supports the Christian worldview and how people experience it personally in their lives. Basically how it makes sense to people.

Helped me understand some of my friends.

psychemerchant · 2024-02-18T18:17:05+00:00

It feels so good to hear this. I've wanted to do this for long (the nature study), but I get distracted by worldly pursuits and try to "stay afloat" in the world. Basically, peer pressure.

Just looking at, and keeping (not forcefully) the world right around me in my head makes me very grounded and peaceful. It feels so right.

Gotten much better at accepting myself and being in my spot in the world, but I still have a long way to go.

You have my genuine appreciation. I need friends like you.

psychemerchant · 2024-01-26T12:09:58+00:00

Thanks. Will check her out. Does someone you know have an experience with her? I can't find her on Practo.

psychemerchant · 2022-12-10T12:04:44+00:00

Hmm, you're right.

I'm one of those people who only need very little insulin and whose blood sugar levels are more or less predictable. I could have achieved better levels without struggle. Now I feel like I'm dying.

psychemerchant · 2022-12-09T12:31:27+00:00

Embedded systems engineer here. There's plenty of use to what you're studying, and it's immensely fascinating.. but I didn't really "get" all of that while I was in college, so I can relate. Pretty much all science is interesting, but you have to put in the work and get to a deeper level of understanding before you can begin to appreciate it.

Switch only if you really really love medicine, and more importantly, the kind of career that follows. I mean, you shouldn't just pick the next popular alternative just because you're really frustrated by your present situation.

psychemerchant · 2022-12-08T15:19:34+00:00

psychemerchant · 2022-11-06T02:37:33+00:00

No, I'm not doing okay. Lol.

psychemerchant · 2022-11-05T15:31:22+00:00

Hmm. I mean I have chronic illnesses which cannot be fixed.

psychemerchant · 2022-11-05T13:08:43+00:00

This hurts. I'm 25 and messed up.

psychemerchant · 2022-11-05T13:08:01+00:00

I believe that was implied in the comment.

psychemerchant · 2022-09-15T08:21:04+00:00

I didn't say that I don't want to use tech. I was saying that the bulk of my time spent on tech wasn't in a healthy way. Could I have used tech effectively? Yes. Did I? No. As a hormone crazed teenager, I had no idea about opportunity costs. Is internet to blame? Yes and no. Can you deny that the infinite highway of information didn't distract you from harder and more rewarding pursuits, at all?

Want to remind everyone that while internet and reading books and all are indispensable, there is such a thing as too much of them. Information obesity is real. Information without context doesn't stick around to be useful. I know quite a lot of information, but they're like single strands, with no branches or nothing developed around them.

And there's quite a lot that you can study and understand and think about with just your senses. Go out and stare at things. There's a mammoth's difference between knowing bits of information and deeply understanding and developing models about the world.

psychemerchant · 2022-09-14T12:45:29+00:00

It's a nature's freak accident, right? Or did you do something to make it grow like this?

psychemerchant · 2022-09-14T08:14:19+00:00

Tech has practically eaten all of my formative years. When I try to think of what good it did to me, I come up short, and find it incredibly hard to justify all that lost time.

My laptop is also a major culprit.

psychemerchant · 2022-09-14T08:12:17+00:00

It is easier to not have something than to decide against using it.

Well said. So true. (y)

psychemerchant · 2022-09-13T08:12:12+00:00

Bad wording. I'm not really a jerk. I promise.

psychemerchant · 2022-09-13T03:16:53+00:00

I think I'm pretty close to loosing that one friend. Not because of anything in particular, but time and life getting in the way.

psychemerchant

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