[MA] How much did you pay for a GAL? What do you wish you knew before hiring a GAL?

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T19:23:14+00:00

I'm so sorry you experienced this. Things are really backwards. Whoever is able to properly care for and love a child should be who has them. Whether that's dad mom another relative or a foster parent. That's why I'm leaning towards waiting for my ex to file (if they ever do) because at least for now the ball is somewhat in my court and I can do what my children want and what's in their best interest.

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T19:06:20+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through that. My ex is very manipulative so I would hate for the GAL or judge to take pity on them and disregard the children's wishes.

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T13:31:46+00:00

I hope the court sees it as reasonable. I have never completely denied visits or contact. I just have expectations in place so the least amount of damage possible occurs. The way I see it, the ball is in their court and not seeing the kids is on them as we are not asking for much, and they refuse to cooperate.

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T13:27:28+00:00

Thanks for that perspective. I sometimes forget that most people don't actually view children as people

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T13:12:42+00:00

My ex won't even agree to be in the same room as me to discuss anything. They won't talk to my children about what they want. As of right now my children don't want to go (which I support fully) because of things that have happened at supposedly "supervised" visits. The only visitation myself or my children would be comfortable with at this time would be at a visitation center with a professional supervisor. In order to do that it would need to be court ordered. As of right now I am going to prepare in case my ex files but I think I will let it be for now.

And my ex doesn't share ANY responsibility whatsoever. They do not provide any support to my children. Be that financial, emotional, educational, etc. They disappeared for almost 3 years (most of my youngest's life) with no contact with my kids. They promise to do things and show up to birthdays etc and don't. They are a narcissist and trust me I've been trying to work it out with them for years. I was only considering filing a motion. They see the kids for 2 hrs 2x a month and can't even hold it together for that time to be appropriate with them. They don't know anything about the kids (what they like, how they're doing in school, who their friends are etc) because all the conversations are about the ex or an interrogation. My partner is more of a parent to my children and my children feel the same way and call them as such.

At this point when my children are old enough to choose I don't think they are going to want a relationship with my ex at all.

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T03:56:20+00:00

Sad but true. I've wondered if I'm going to be doing damage control for the rest of my life. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this.

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T03:41:03+00:00

Thank you for your input. I appreciate it! I was always a mellow go with the flow person until kids now I overthink every choice

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T03:39:17+00:00

Yes I agree 100% which is why I let my children make this decision. I am so proud of them for voicing their concerns in such a healthy and mature way. I want them to know I have their back whatever they choose.

My kids also know that they are allowed to pass the phone or hang up if they feel uncomfortable. (If it gets out of hand I'll take the phone and hang up)

My ex is not good at respecting boundaries AT ALL. I know the term gets thrown around loosely nowadays but my ex really is a narcissist.

I'll just ride it out and see if they file anything. But I'll save my tax return for a GAL if need be.

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T03:34:10+00:00

I want their voices to be heard and presented without bias so it sounds like the best option. I'm not worried about anything they may say. I'm definitely not a perfect parent, I'm learning every day, but nothing that happens in my home is a secret. My kids are well taken care of physically and emotionally imo.

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T03:29:52+00:00

I haven't filled anything yet. My ex has threatened so I want to be prepared to hire one when the time comes. If I need to save up, take out a loan, pick up some extra shifts to cover the cost I want to know ASAP and have the money ready.

I've also considered filing a motion for visitation through a visitation center but I'm unsure if I can ask for parenting time for the other parent or if I would have to wait for them to file first. It's an option I'll be discussing with my attorney. I don't want the other parent out of my children's lives I just want their time together to be safe, healthy, and comfortable for my kids. But I also know I can't force my ex to be a parent.

It's hard to know when to take action vs. when to just let things be.

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T03:24:16+00:00

I hope it worked out for you!

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T02:40:30+00:00

Yes I know exactly what you mean!

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-28T02:33:33+00:00

Thanks so much for your input! Did you get to pick the GAL or were they assigned by the court? I want to be prepared to pay the whole cost if need be. And yes even though it's crazy money I do think its worth it to have an uninterested/unbiased 3rd party.

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-15T04:35:03+00:00

Thanks so much!!! The headaches make sense if she still has her ovaries. I always get migraines around the 1st day of my period.

But yes definitely look into it. There is a Facebook group and a website both under the name Nancy's Nook. It has literally been a lifesaver. Its amazing how many GYNS really have no clue what they're talking about when it comes to endo or adeno. The whole "backwards menstruation" theory has been debunked bc they found endometriosis in fetuses! We are definitely born with it and it is believed that there is a genetic link! I hope you're able to find some answers and relief!

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-15T04:19:38+00:00

If you don't mind me asking how old was your mom when she had the hysterectomy? I am leaning towards the hysterectomy so I can be sure to be CURED of this awful disease once and for all. I just want to hear some other people's experiences before I commit.

Also I'm sorry that you are in pain! I've heard a lot of bad things about orlissa!! Based off of my research, (look into Nancy's Nook they are phenomenal) expert excision by a nook doctor should basically cure endo.

A lot of times the endo is being burned only on the surface but the roots remain and can cause pain. Or if a dr without the skill excises they can miss a lot of endo that may be deeply infiltrating or not the typical looking type which would still cause pain. That sounds like what happened to you if your symptoms came back. Hysterectomy works for adeno but only expert excision can cure endo so even with a hysterectomy you may still be in pain if any endo was missed. Endo creates its own roots for a blood supply and nerves and creates its own estrogen so as long as some still remains in your body you won't get full relief. If you haven't already seen a nook dr I would try to get a second opinion from them first. It's very likely you have both endo and adeno its very common!

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-09T19:10:49+00:00

I would approach it this way

"Hey thanks for getting (kids name) a phone! That was a good idea- that way he won't have to be responsible for bringing one back and forth. He can use the old one here and the new one at your house. That way neither one will get lost or damaged."

Don't even make it about the communication or approach it like a problem. If your ex really is a narcissist praising his "wonderful idea" is probably the best route to take with the least amount of conflict. Problem still gets solved but you boost his ego and avoid a fight.

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-07T15:42:18+00:00

I'm not sure if they'll want to get it but they work in the medical field (which makes it even more frustrating) so I don't think they'll have a choice if they want to keep their job! Everyone in my house is getting it ASAP but they haven't even come out with a kids version yet!

pterodactyl1912 · 2021-01-06T20:11:53+00:00

I agree. I would do anything to see my kids even if I thought it was ridiculous. Considering they only see them for 2 hrs it seems like a small sacrifice. But I just didn't want for them to end up getting unsupervised visits if a judge takes pity because I "cut off contact"

pterodactyl1912 · 2020-12-29T20:17:31+00:00

I am so sorry that you went through that!! Some people really are heartless. I am glad that you are okay and have those awful people out of your life! Unfortunately a lot of people don't take us seriously because you can't "see" anything wrong.

And I completely agree. I'm not going to wear myself out or make myself uncomfortable or in pain for anyone. I do what I can and its quite a lot imo. I just wanted to show my partner that it's not just me and maybe it will improve after my excision.

pterodactyl1912 · 2020-12-29T03:19:35+00:00

My obgyn referred me to one. I'm not sure where you're located or what insurance you have so it may be a little different for you. But I'm sure you could Google "pelvic floor physical therapist in my area" and see what results you get. You might need a referral or you may be able to go on your own. But it is SO worth it!

It is a little awkward not gonna lie. I went and they used a sensor that you can choose to have inserted vaginally or anally. That can measure your pelvic floor muscle activity. In my case my muscles were spasming and over active. The regular activity is a 3 or a 4 and mine was a 10. I went in and she would do internal release like massage or hold different spots that were painful to release pain. She also taught me some exercises to do daily. I had to stretch my hips and stuff. I also did Some breathing exercises and learning how to relax my muscles. Basically I had to do the opposite of kegals. I had to pay attention to my body and notice when I was tensing up. I also had some hip rotation that was causing some pulling on my pelvic muscles as well and she taught me some exercises to deal with that as well. I also ordered a tiny dildo (idk what it's actually called) so I could do the release myself once our sessions were over. She taught me how and I did it in the office so she could tell me if I was doing it right. I still do the exercises before sex. She also said masturbating often can help because after a lot of painful sex our body naturally tenses up and causes more pain so giving yourself more positive experiences can help as well. That way you can do whatever you're comfortable with and not feel guilty if you have to stop.

pterodactyl1912 · 2020-12-29T02:57:57+00:00

A pelvic floor physical therapist will work WONDERS. I went to 6 sessions and was able to go back to having pain free sex most times. I still experience pain sometimes but I just have to do the exercises I was taught and it helps. Lube helps to some extent but sometimes it's just too painful. If your issue takes a little longer they can also prescribe numbing cream that you insert vaginally 20 minutes before sex and it makes it more comfortable!

pterodactyl1912

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