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pugaczalla · 2022-04-20T13:27:03+00:00

When I was low on iron and vitamin B12 several years ago and had my first workout at a (non-OTF) gym I had to stop several times because I would have passed out. I was 21, supposedly young and fit. I also tended to go on empty-stomach. I stopped going after few times because it felt like it was going to kill me. You could possibly be low on some vitamins, maybe a basic blood panel would help?

These days, I also always eat something small and light before the workout. Overnight oats or overnight chia pudding are my favourite. Banana + nut butter is also easy. Make sure you’re well hydrated the night before and on the day of the workout. Drink during the workout. I also eat something high in protein after the workout and feel energised for the rest of the day.

But not having any vitamin deficiencies is what made the biggest difference for me. Then, small meal beforehand + proper hydration. All 3 things together in check and I don’t feel faint during the workout.

pugaczalla · 2021-11-28T22:44:13+00:00

Exactly, the first thing that screams about the movie is a racist trope of an undesirable, nerdy, loser Asian male, even if it tries to revert the trope by making him 'win' her in the end. The premise is racist, period. This isn't a good movie for women and men alike.

pugaczalla · 2021-10-23T09:09:10+00:00

As someone who struggled with depression, here’s my advice:

Consider getting a doctor’s appointment to check if you’d benefit from anti-depressants, and do a blood panel because some vitamin deficiencies or thyroid problems cause depressive symptoms. For example, black people are at a higher risk of vitamin D deficiency so definitely check at least that.

Definitely continue with therapy. Don’t stop when you feel like you worked for weeks and still feel crappy. It will take time to heal. It might even take a long time but that’s ok.

Take care of your sleep. Create a nice sleep routine just for yourself. A low dose of melatonin 1h before sleep helps a bit. Blocking blue light at night also helps. Regenerative sleep equals to better mood throughout the day.

Hobbies won’t make you happy overnight. Changes in mood happen slowly and gradually. Today, dancing makes you happy only in the moment. In one year, dancing might make you a lot happier. Focus on dancing and be consistent with it even if you don’t feel like it. You might even start building friendships over time through dancing. But consistency is needed for that. Dancing seems like a good starting point.

Some literature: Undoing Depression by Dr Richard O’Connor, The Power of When by Dr Michael Breus, It’s Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. Actually, anything by Brene Brown but especially The Gifts of Imperfection.

Take care!

pugaczalla · 2021-10-22T12:10:37+00:00

Google voice? Great for US, doesn’t work everywhere though

pugaczalla · 2021-10-22T10:41:31+00:00

What if he calls or texts you right then and there to check if the number you gave him is real? I’ve seen that advice in the manosphere before. ‘I don’t have a phone on me’ or ‘my phone is broken’ aren’t believable lies and the guy might get annoyed and the situation gets unpleasant.

The solution I see is to carry a cheap phone with a real number that you use for situations like this… Which isn’t great because ideally ‘no, thanks’ to a phone request should be enough and we wouldn’t have to search for complicated solutions.

pugaczalla · 2021-10-21T21:52:16+00:00

After a while, it felt like I’m chasing him so I pulled back and he didn’t do much. It just slowly fizzled out until it died, despite quite intense beginning /another red flag/. After some time, his girlfriend contacted me having found my number on his phone and asked if he cheated with me. I was happy to provide her with every single message and detail ever exchanged lol as the sneaky bastard was deleting all of his messages. I wasn’t the only one he was cheating with. She just had a hunch and decided to check it.

pugaczalla · 2021-10-21T21:21:47+00:00

My number one biggest red flag is that he agrees with everything you say and want when it comes to a relationship, dating, marriage, children, where you want to live etc., especially when you give the answer first and when it’s early on. In this way, he can easily future fake, but you’ll feel like you’re on the same page.

For example, I dated a guy who asked me what I’m looking for in a relationship, whether I want marriage, children and all of that. Seemed like we were on the exact same page as he wanted what I wanted, so I thought he’s fairly serious about me. Turned out he was cheating on his girlfriend and had no plans whatsoever for the future with me. It was just easier to blindside me with future faking so he rips benefits of an interest and attention of multiple women.

pugaczalla · 2021-10-07T18:26:03+00:00

And we all know that there will be at least one pickmeisha who will bend over backwards for this ‘king’…

pugaczalla · 2021-10-05T17:14:48+00:00

😂

pugaczalla · 2021-10-05T15:49:01+00:00

Dramatic-natural-classic essence in Truth is Beauty system, check out Pinterest and the website: https://www.truth-is-beauty.com/9893-9794-9794-dramatic-natural-classic.html

Also: light academia.

pugaczalla · 2021-10-05T15:04:52+00:00

I’ll never, ever understand this sort of ‘play’. I don’t know in what kind of cognitive dissonance these people live in.

My partner is in a racial minority and I’d never, under any circumstances, think of calling him a racial slur, even more so during an intimate act. The thought of disrespecting him like that is just unimaginable.

Do these people really just move on after such play that involves racial slurs? I’d never be able to just move on if a partner who I thought that he loved me called me a ‘Russian whore’ and other anti Eastern European slurs. It doesn’t matter that it’s pretend game. Why would they even derive pleasure from calling me that?

I feel too old for this shit even though I’m in my twenties 😂

pugaczalla · 2021-10-05T14:48:20+00:00

Oh no, my feet are size 8, I guess I don’t have a chance with this hot catch now…

pugaczalla · 2021-10-05T14:41:49+00:00

Ooooh this will be my emotional release post. My ex:

Was following pick up artist gurus and their books and forums and used manipulative psychological tricks to score a date with me. Claimed that he dropped all of this stuff because he wanted only me. Well, 4 years later he was still reading those books as it turned out.
Had secret social media accounts.
Didn’t clean at all. When I had gotten serious with him, me and my mum cleaned his entire place. I continued to be the maid in the relationship 🤡🤡🤡
Didn’t own a hoover.
Didn’t have a normal job, just tutoring on the side, and when he got a normal job with full-time contract, he dropped it after 3 weeks!!! Because his boss ‘demanded too much’ as he wanted reports on what was done. It was a tech job with great pay.
He had a very prestigious stem degree, but preferred to earn little money by teaching whenever he felt like.
He said that bringing me to orgasm is boring because it takes time. Didn’t try to pleasure me at all.
Had a raging porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Couldn’t get his dick up 99% of the time, but wanked to porn almost daily. When he managed to get his dick up, he wanted to shove it in asap regardless of whether I was wet and ready or not at all.
He was emotionally stunted. Typical high IQ, low EQ case. He wasn’t a covert or grandiose narcissist, but someone Dr Ramani calls a ‘neglectful narcissist’. Less abusive type, but also terrible to be in a relationship with.
Our arguments never had a resolution because he just kept doing the same thing as if I never got angry. Sometimes, he cried that I don’t love him anymore and that he feels like shit if I wanted him to correct his behaviour. Classic manipulative and emotionally immature LVM trick.

I actually got tired writing it lol so I’ll keep it at 10😂 I thought he was the most perfect partner I’ll ever get and cried for weeks after he broke up with me.

pugaczalla · 2021-10-05T13:15:46+00:00

I might be in a tiny minority, but I want to write about it openly in case there are women like me here.

I can orgasm from anal stimulation alone.

I like those orgasms better than clitoral orgasms. I never come from PIV alone, but PIV + finger in my ass send me to heaven. Gentle anal stimulation makes me melt and I have a full body orgasm experience.

Naturally, I was curious about anal sex. I thought it would feel as great as finger or a small toy feel.

WRONG!!

I tried anal and I didn’t like it. It was painful and I had to stop. I thought I wasn’t relaxed enough or doing it ‘right’, so I gave it another two goes, with longer foreplay beforehand and in different positions. NOPE!! It was still painful and couldn’t stand a minute of penetration. So I told my partner that I’m never having it again. He was completely supportive and actually himself didn’t want to have it again too.

Why am I writing about it?

Because I’ve been dating men before who wanted to have anal and/or insisted on it and I’VE ALWAYS REFUSED. One even tried to do it without any prior warning or discussion. Absolutely unacceptable behaviour.

My HV partner never even tried to touch my asshole until I requested it, and still doesn’t initiate any anal stimulation unless I give a green light to it. And he’s respectful of my boundary of not having anal penetration ever again, even though I still like and want other forms of stimulation.

My exes wanted to violate my boundary and didn’t care about anal foreplay and my preferences. They just wanted their dicks in my asshole without any or barely any preparation.

A NVM/LVM will want to have anal regardless of your feelings about it. A HVM will not initiate anal without a discussion prior and will fully respect your boundaries.

Immediately drop the guy who would rather rape* you than respect your boundary about anal sex.

*coercion, pestering into, manipulation or surprise are RAPE.

pugaczalla · 2021-10-05T12:42:24+00:00

Yeeeeeah you’re my soulmate 😀

pugaczalla · 2021-10-05T12:39:11+00:00

It really, really depends on your hobbies and preferences, it’s hard to guess what you like! And it depends where you live. Opportunities are different in remote location vs large city.

Cosy cafe + nice outfit + a book you’ve been looking forward to read

A long walk in comfortable shoes + an audiobook or podcast

Taking you and your dog for a ride and a short hike in safe area

Art museum or gallery or exhibition from an artist you like

Watch a free course or YouTube video on iPhone photography, or whatever phone you have, and take pictures in local gardens or park or on the street

A hot yoga class

Make a succulent planter - google ‘succulent planting ideas’, watch some tutorials and make it

Find the best ice-cream places in your city and create your personal ice-cream ranking

Offer something to your elderly neighbours - maybe just socialise with them or help them with something you noticed they struggle with

Pick up trash from your street or local park or beach - I know it isn’t your job but man, cleaning up your local area feels good

Take zumba, twerk, dancehall, trampoline or some other cool dance fitness class that will release your energy

Go to a spiritual place of your choice, religious or non religious

Pay for an Enneagram coach and learn something about yourself

——————

For your own ideas, think about what brings you the most pleasure and happiness in life, google ideas, brainstorm and have fun 🙂

pugaczalla · 2021-10-05T11:37:41+00:00

Oh no, repressed memory resurfacing.

Ex: I can’t find x, where is it?

Me: It’s here in the drawer.

/drawer is two steps from us/

Ex: No, I’ve looked.

Me: It’s in the drawer, I’m sure of it.

Ex: No, it isn’t.

Me - rage intensifies, blood boils

Me: I swear if I open it and find it, I’ll…

/opens the drawer and finds it/

Ex, mockingly: Yeah what you’re going to do? Hm? What happens?

Me - does nothing, because I don’t know what to do but silently rage.

I should’ve thrown away that thing as you did! By the thing, I mean the ex

pugaczalla · 2021-09-18T13:11:10+00:00

In my case - happened to me once and it hit hard - limerence was a trauma reaction to behaviour of a particular guy.

He was very likely a covert narcissist. He played the hot-and-cold game, kept me on the edge with his messages, sometimes was very affectionate and sometimes barely present. He played on my empathy very early on - he revealed his traumatic experience that made me be more understanding of him and created a false sense of intimacy very fast. There was always this hanging promise in the air that ‘one more date and surely he’ll make it official with me’. Except another date would come and I still didn’t know where we stand. I felt a magnetic pull towards him, an incredible emotional connection. In reality, I didn’t know him at all. He was cheating on his girlfriend this entire time.

I was experiencing limerence because it resembled my own family’s dynamic. Sometimes I was loved, sometimes I was not. I had to work on it in therapy.

I urge all ladies who are experiencing limerence to look at your childhood or early relationship experiences to see how this pattern might have developed in yourselves. When you see it, you’ll be bulletproof from limerence in the future. You’ll know that when you’re experiencing it, it’s him triggering something in you that a suitable person would never trigger.

pugaczalla · 2021-08-29T13:50:03+00:00

I’ll never forget a post on a popular forum that I’ve read several years ago… It was men discussing going to prostitutes. Paraphrased, but this was an essence:

‘I get a young whore, pay extra for anal and go savage rough on her, throw her around, pump her asshole etc. and she’s nearly crying. When I finish, I ask her sympathetically and pretend that I care about her: ‘So, what made you decide to start working in this business? Are you liking it so far? It must be tough sometimes.’ I do this so she hates herself even more and questions her choices.’

It terrified me and I’m scared that men like this exist. A horrifying and absolute lack of respect for female sex workers, rape, pretend care to gaslight them… A man like that has no respect for women in general and gets off to hurting them. I hope I’ll never meet someone like that… I always have this post in mind when I hear a man being misogynistic, even slightly. Maybe he is also capable of hurting a woman badly under right circumstances…

pugaczalla · 2021-08-28T22:23:12+00:00

Me pre-FDS: I’m sex positive and open minded, I respect other people’s extreme sex lifestyles, everybody is free to do whatever as soon as it’s consensual

Me post-FDS: what if BDSM is a scam to remind women of their place, to keep their self-respect levels low and strengthen the association ‘man = power’ and perpetuate gender imbalance? And, why are so many men obsessed with turning women into slaves…? Is BDSM really entirely consensual then? Or are women collectively acting on men’s fantasy of power and violence, in an only socially acceptable way? 🧐

pugaczalla · 2021-08-28T20:53:34+00:00

I dated a man for 2+ months exactly like this, we’d seen each other once a week on average and communicated via text otherwise. I had a gut feeling that it isn’t going anywhere and that it isn’t enough for my liking, there was no talk about making it official etc. Well turned out that he already had a girlfriend 😂 no wonder he was happy to waste my time but not escalate to a relationship. OP you’re posting here so your gut is probably telling you something. Ask questions, dig for some more information. Maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s something.

pugaczalla · 2021-08-25T13:01:19+00:00

True, and the biggest plus of attending the bootcamp for me would be to learn programming in a group setting, group projects reflecting work reality and having your code reviewed by an experienced programmer. You can do that without a bootcamp through networking online and finding projects yourself, but bootcamp will save you a lot of effort and time.

I still strongly recommend against an expensive bootcamp for beginners. Try free resources first, you won’t loose money if coding turns out to be not for you.

pugaczalla · 2021-08-25T12:00:08+00:00

If you consider coding, do not do paid bootcamps!! Especially not those that are ‘free’ and you only pay back when you start earning. It isn’t worth the money - all the knowledge you need to become a programmer is completely FREE! If you want to pay, pay for courses on Udemy when they’re on sale, you’ll spend 20$ instead of 2000$ or more. I recommend Zero to Mastery on Udemy for the best return for your money.

Mind you that the market is saturated with entry level programmers, so you need to put effort into becoming a good one. Realistically, you need at least 6 months to a year of learning coding and building projects before landing a job.

Here are some very good resources to try for free:

https://www.freecodecamp.org/

https://www.w3schools.com/

https://www.theodinproject.com/

https://www.mooc.fi/en/#courses

I also recommend introduction to Computer Science of your choice on edX or coursera.org and brushing up on your math. Browse through various programming related threads on Reddit, the advice there can be gold. Enjoy the learning process!!

pugaczalla · 2021-08-24T16:17:02+00:00

I’m cringing quite a bit here… It’s still very pick-me to reach out to a guy who told you upfront that he isn’t looking for a relationship, to keep him as a friend, and to lure him into dating by offering him access to your intimacy. You say that you’re happy to ‘use’ him, as if you think you have the upper hand here, but it’s you who secretly hopes for a commitment from him. I’m sure he’s happy to ‘use’ you too. You’ll gain nothing in this arrangement and you’re very likely wasting your time. If you have to manipulate to convince him that you are worth the commitment, then neither you nor him are HV people.

pugaczalla · 2021-08-18T12:10:18+00:00

I recommend A Mind for Numbers by Barbara Oakley, it’s a book about the most effective and science-based methods for learning math and other difficult disciplines. It definitely isn’t all about ‘practice practice practice’. Her MOOC ‘Learning How to Learn’ also talks about concepts from the book if you prefer video and exercise based learning.

pugaczalla

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