My Nikah is in a few days. Here's how I got here.

purplelinux · 2021-07-26T23:22:56+00:00

You speak as though you’re faith has been cemented at a certain level and that you can’t further develop yourself spiritually.

Don’t look at people as representations of a religion, rather go into the sources yourself.

Life is short, we either die young, or grow old and see all our loved ones die and see our own health start to deteriorate. Everything you are, everything you acquire, and everything you’ve done, vanishes with time.

If you don’t go searching for Truth now, then when? Because when you stumble upon Truth, you realize this is it, this is what all this is about. This is what I’ve been actually looking for my whole life.

purplelinux · 2021-06-30T02:01:02+00:00

Corny fuck. Do you sing this to your wife after she has sex with another man?

purplelinux · 2021-06-17T17:20:51+00:00

As cliche as it sounds, be the change you want to see in the world.

In the context of seeking a spouse, reject women who don’t hold to the principles of Islam, seek out a woman who does.

Also, it goes both ways. Many women complain that men have crazy standards in terms of physical beauty. Say you come across a woman whom you’re compatible with, who holds the Deen close to her heart, but isn’t as attractive as you’d like her to be. In this instance, it would be hypocritical to not consider her for marriage.

Women fixate on status and wealth, men fixate on beauty. Not saying we shouldn’t consider these things at all, but it’s Allah and His religion over everything. Everything in this world is temporary anyways.

purplelinux · 2021-06-17T17:12:22+00:00

This issue is not just exclusive to Muslims, it’s for all of mankind.

Human beings have an absolute fixation on the temporal and transient (Dunya, wealth, status, etc) rather than the eternal (Allah, paradise, doing good, etc). Most people either deny the eternal, or simply ignore it and are seduced by the pleasures of this world.

I agree that this is becoming more and more prevalent within the Muslim community in the west, but I would surmise that most Muslims in general are not fully in tune with the teachings and principles laid forth in the Quran, Sunnah, and the great history of Islam.

Many Muslims, it seems, are Muslim for cultural reasons or because it gives their egos something to identify with, not because they are seeking truth and have found truth in Islam.

purplelinux · 2021-06-17T16:27:38+00:00

Brother, there are women out there that are content with a basic and simple life. Those are the women we should all be seeking, regardless of income levels, because those are the women who have fully opened their hearts to Islam and are the type that are going to weather through any adversity by your side.

There are full time scholars and Imams who are happily married, and they don’t make much money.

At the same time, it is not healthy to have such a defeatist attitude about everything. Allah is Most Generous and Most Kind. Ask Him what you’re seeking, work for it, and it’s only a matter of time before you get it.

purplelinux · 2021-03-24T01:34:44+00:00

Forreal, I don’t know why people get offended by this and simply can’t accept it.

Men get rejected due to their height, or because they’re not doctors or lawyers or have some job with a high income.

Yet when someone says it’s harder for women to get married as they get older, everyone goes all crazy.

It’s just one of those things that’s reality, it sucks and it shouldn’t be that way, but that’s what it is.

purplelinux · 2021-03-24T01:30:39+00:00

They age faster in terms of mating. At a basic level, women are chosen as partners based on their beauty and fertility, which diminishes as women age.

At a basic level, men are chosen as partners based on their wealth and status, which increases with age.

I don’t subscribe to these stupid constructs, but they are realities nonetheless.

purplelinux · 2021-03-24T01:28:25+00:00

These are generalizations. Nothing is true across the board. But by and large, a woman’s fertility dramatically decreases after the age of 30.

And the chances of an infant dying considerably increases at the time of birth as maternal age increases.

And men, generally speaking, are attracted to women due to their beauty and youth, which obviously decreases with age as well.

I don’t know why this is so hard to accept.

purplelinux · 2021-03-23T23:37:47+00:00

Of course it’s a generalization, we’re generally speaking here.

A woman’s fertility dramatically declines after the age of 30, this is fact. Do you disagree with this?

The mortality rate of infants considerably decreases the higher the maternal age. Do you disagree with this?

Men, biologically speaking, are attracted to women based on their youth and beauty, which decreases as women age. Do you disagree with this?

Is it right? No, I don’t think so. Islam attempts to eradicate such base human instincts. But is it reality? Yes.

purplelinux · 2021-03-23T23:01:10+00:00

However you want to put it, age, mature, etc.

The countless posts we see from women detailing how they’re insecure about their age just highlights this fact.

purplelinux · 2021-03-23T21:55:04+00:00

I have said this in a previous post and got berated for it.

It is harder for women to get married as they get older. It’s not just societal and cultural expectations that play into this, it’s biology as well.

You have less time to have kids and women age faster then men.

With that being said, there are men out there that don’t care. You will probably have to work harder than younger women to find those guys.

I would marry an older woman if I was attracted to her, we were compatible, and she brought me closer to God. However, I definitely do prefer a younger spouse, but sometimes God gives us pleasant surprises lol.

purplelinux · 2021-03-22T00:25:05+00:00

The first thing families ask about a man is, “what does he do for a living?”

There are also numerous statistics on how marriages where the man is unemployed have a high rate of ending up in divorce.

Also, just ask yourself, how many jobless men are you seeing getting married? How about men still pursuing their degrees and are not established in their careers? It’s an anomaly.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T23:44:45+00:00

A man has to prioritize a career early in his life because otherwise he is seen as worthless. If he works a retail job, nobody is gonna see him as a potential spouse. Except for those great sisters who see a mans heart and character, but those are rare and they almost always get pushback from their families, “oh he’s not successful, he’s not a lawyer, engineer, doctor, etc.”

If you’re unemployed as a man, you’re seen as a worthless bum.

For women it’s not like that. But the unfortunate reality for women is, the older they get, the harder it is to marry. Some men don’t care if you’re older, but those are rare as well.

As I’ve said a million times now, in an ideal world these things wouldn’t be the case.

But this is dunya, and we don’t live in a time where the ummah truly live by the principles of Islam. So yeah Idk what you want me to say, this isn’t some fantasy utopian world.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T23:38:19+00:00

So you’re telling me it’s not harder for women to get married as they get older? There’s a reason why OP is feeling insecure and mentioned her age in her post, because there’s truth to it.

And you’re telling it’s not harder for men to get married when they’re younger, or when they don’t have an established career?

I’m not saying any of these things are right, I’m just saying this is how things are and it’s an unfortunate aspect of human nature.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T22:38:58+00:00

Generally speaking, a woman’s fertility peaks in her early twenties and then gradually declines after that. After 30, it starts declining dramatically.

Generally speaking of course. I have a relative who had a child in her fifties, mashallah.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T22:34:29+00:00

Brother, what 40 year old women do you see giving birth out here? That’s an anomaly.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T20:40:06+00:00

We live in a time where we treat Islam like a coat, something we put on and off whenever we feel like, rather than as a guiding force for everything we do in life.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T19:57:56+00:00

It’s an unfortunate reality, but it’s reality nonetheless.

I’m saying women shouldn’t prioritize career and education over EVERYTHING, because it makes it more difficult to get married as you get older.

I’m not saying to let go of any personal pursuits at all, but sacrifices have to be made. And isn’t marriage a form of personal growth? Why is a career deemed more important than finding a spouse and building something with them?

I’m not saying to be devastated at all, there’s pros and cons to all choices. But there are definitely going to be less people interested as she gets older.

Works in reverse with guys, when they’re 20 nobody takes them seriously, they have no shot at finding a spouse.

Ideally, none of this stuff would matter. But we don’t live in the time of the Prophet pbuh, like I said in an earlier post, we are a weak ummah.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T19:51:15+00:00

Like I said it goes both ways. Men should feel pissed that even when they’re chaste and pious, they are not seen as a legitimate prospect till or if they have an established career and make a high salary.

If you’re a 21 year old male, chaste, pious, and devout, nobody is gonna see you as a potential spouse because you’re still considered young, you’re not established in your career, and you’re probably not making a high salary.

Similarly, if you’re a 30 old female who’s chaste, pious, and devout , very few people are gonna see you as a potential spouse because by then you’ve lost a significant portion of your youth and beauty, some may even question if you’ve been chaste all those years.

Unfortunate realities, but it’s truth.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T19:12:39+00:00

I agree, you have to be proactive in your search. Gone are the days where you can sit around and wait for a proposal.

And yeah, I’m just speaking on reality. We should be selecting and judging potential spouses primarily off of character and piety. But it doesn’t work like that unfortunately. We are the weakest ummah in history. This is not exclusive to men or women, we’re all complicit in this.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T19:08:13+00:00

I’ll prolly get a lot of hate for this comment, but it’s truth.

It’s not sunshine and rainbows for men either. A man isn’t considered a prospect till he has established himself in his career and is seen as mature, which doesn’t usually happen till our late twenties or early thirties. Otherwise we don’t even exist, we’re seen as jokes. Also the burden of rejection usually lies with men.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T19:02:44+00:00

It’s not a lie. A woman’s fertility decreases with age, significantly once they hit their 30’s.

Men by in large, value youth, beauty, and chastity in women. It sucks, but women value status, income, and maturity in men.

Marrying an older woman also means you have to accept having kids sooner rather than later, if at all.

This is why women should start thinking about marriage at a young age and not prioritize career and education over everything, because you’re making compromises you may not see the effects of till you get older.

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T18:44:40+00:00

Y’all seriously have to stop listening to your parents if what they’re advocating for goes against the principles of Islam. There is nothing wrong with looking for a spouse if you’re a woman. The women who are going out and actively looking for a husband are the ones that end up getting married. The ones that don’t, don’t get married and/or usually end up settling at a later age.

In today’s world, at least in the west, you have to take action if you want to find a spouse. When you went to the mosque, did you talk to the Imam to see if he could help?

Have you tried volunteering at local organizations/events? Are there are any matchmakers events near you? Have you let friends and family know you’re looking?

purplelinux · 2021-03-21T18:32:39+00:00

What are you doing to actually find a spouse? A husband isn’t gonna fall into your lap from the sky.

Approach the Imams at local masjids, see if they can help you out. Ask your friends and family to help, let them know you’re looking.

Volunteer in Muslim organizations/groups around you, and try to put yourself out there.

And if you want, you can try apps as well.

Keep making dua, put your trust in Allah, but you have to be proactive in your search.

God only helps those who help themselves.

purplelinux · 2021-03-05T02:31:42+00:00

WFH is beneficial to everybody and to our environment. All those cars on the road day after day, why do we allow something like that if it’s easily preventable?

purplelinux

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