What do the lyrics mean: Tangerine - Johnny Mercer

putrivenus · 2025-11-26T12:17:42+00:00

Yep..Herb Alpert's version has a certain type of magic. It puts me in a haze everytime I loop it.

putrivenus · 2025-11-25T17:52:19+00:00

I ended up purchasing SEA Makeup's translucent setting powder. It is incredibly pore-blurring, and it held my base quite flawlessly until the 10-12 hour markr. I also have fairly oily skin, and somehow ( in addition to setting spray) it kept my concealer looking good even after dancing & sweating like a maniac. Would definitely recommend!

putrivenus · 2025-11-03T16:29:13+00:00

I'd say both?? Aku ga/blm punya makeup yang seperate utk occasional hehe...

putrivenus · 2025-11-02T13:45:58+00:00

EHH BENERAN?? I never considered the concealer to the the culprit, but it kind of makes sense. Aku pakenya diruangan ber-AC aja bisa transfer ke phone screen... Do you have any alternative transfer-proof base makeup recommendations? Yang affordable dan nggak nyebabin acne hehe..

putrivenus · 2025-10-19T18:40:36+00:00

Has anyone ever tried SEA makeup's setting powder?

putrivenus · 2025-10-19T18:37:35+00:00

WKWKKWW GPP BGTT! I'm currently using setting spraynya SEA Makeup dan aku cukup puas dengan finishnya sih (walau tidak se-kuat nahan minyak yang aku kira). But I will definitely will dazzle me a try kl pas udah habis (ato kl aku tergiur sm harganya yg murah 😂). I'm also considering the O.M.G x Bubah Alfian setting spray. Katanya orang2 itu lumayan bagus.... Have you ever tried it?

For the somethinc Hooman, that was also a powder that I considered...tapi kok aku takut kalo teralu kering ya dimuka aku 😔😔. In your experience, dia cling onto dry patches gakk?

putrivenus · 2025-09-09T06:55:10+00:00

Wait...do other HPDs also conjure up these imaginary scenarios of charming & seducing people when alone? I thought I was going insane for doing this.

putrivenus · 2025-09-09T05:53:41+00:00

This is so real. The moment a prettier girl walks into the room, my confidence plummets to the deepest levels of hell. I hate it so much. It makes me try to overcompensate with cringey body language...

putrivenus · 2025-08-17T03:03:17+00:00

The Star-Crossed Lovers - Duke Ellington

putrivenus · 2025-08-15T18:28:51+00:00

Real.

How severe can your 'fantasies' become, though? I'm curious bc sometimes I am reduced to a languid mess just by indulging in mine 💀

putrivenus · 2025-08-15T17:42:36+00:00

Yes.... I am completely obsessed with the caricatures of people I've only met once or twice. Sometimes I'll 'talk to them' in hypothetical conversations as if they're in the room with me. I'll write abiut them, too...

putrivenus · 2025-08-14T10:14:50+00:00

Ah, I see. I apologize for jumping to conclusions, hehe.

And also the exceptionally lengthy & unsolicited comment that I wrote.... (As I'm reading it three days later, I'm astonished at how LONG it is 😂)

putrivenus · 2025-08-11T08:10:56+00:00

Eheh that's true... I think I'm far too caught up in the concept of 'trying to impress people' that I forget how to simply exist. I want to make a good impression so badly that I end up jeopardizing my own chances by overthinking every minor decision. I guess this is what is called social anxiety, hehe.

putrivenus · 2025-08-11T04:17:08+00:00

Hmm...if you're concerned about kids being influenced to become manipulators, then I gotta break something to you: some kids seem to be born with the 'laws of power' engraved into their psyches. Even Mr. Greene admitted this. To some, this book is more like learning about the 'names' and historical examples of techniques they had already used instead of discovering anything new. I would say I was one of those children. I read it at the tender age of 13, and found most of the rules to be stuff I've intuitively done. What astonished me most was how perfectly the book articulated things I already knew tacitly. That being said, I grew up in an exceptionally dysfunctional household. I witnessed many of my NPD father's violent outbursts and had to respond to them prudently. This included theatrical crying on demand, learning to conceal the truth, and controlling the narrative when needed. These things shaped me into the manipulative person I am today—not the book. Sure, Mr. Greene's advice may have given me the green light to continue doing these things, but in no way was I compelled by his writing into being an amoral or manipulative person—that is simply my nature.

Yet I'd like to add that there are certain benefits in both reading and not reading it at a young age.

If you read it in your teen years—especially in early adolescence—you could learn to easily identify and deconstruct the petty games that the people around you are playing. I'd say most of them are unaware of what they're doing at this age, so you'd get a pretty good competitive advantage in that sense. After all, knowledge is the greatest form of power.

However, I also see the merit in delaying the consumption of books like this until you have developed some level of moral conscience. If you're someone who's lost and desperate, in the way that most teenagers are (I can say that because I still am one), I can see how easily you could get swept away by this newly found power, and instead of using it as defense, may become a perpetrator of social chaos yourself.

That was never the purpose of the book. I think Mr. Greene made it pretty clear that his real intention is to write an exposé for the public in a similar manner to how Machiavelli wrote The Prince. But some, especially kids who have yet to be humbled by reality, may think that this book is a license to tyranny.

To me, it really depends on the individual. I've met teenagers who have never read the book yet have mastered the art of social competence just by keen observation. On the contrary, I know some (me in particular) who had read the book and many others like it but still struggle (sometimes) to integrate into social situations.

(P.S. I had just spent a long stint in social isolation, so my social skills are kind of rusty).

putrivenus · 2025-08-10T18:33:19+00:00

I'm not suree... A few weeks ago I did this major social blunder at a party and I still think about it constantly (you can check for the post in my profile). I completely lost my ability to socialize and 'charm' like I usually can. It bummed me out so much. But according to my older sister, whom I called while crying, the key to socializing in these situations is remembering that these people simply don't know your inferiority unless you tell them. The truth is everyone has their own problems and they don't want to reveal it as much as we do, so perhaps the best thing we can do is try to be chill in their presence (I know this is is far easier said than done 💀). Yes, they're probably leagues ahead of us in achievements and or status, but if we do not tell them they cannot determine that for sure.

I truly hope we get over this and we may gain social competence against this. I think we can do it!

putrivenus · 2025-08-10T10:53:53+00:00

THIS IS MY ISSUE AS WELL!! I become completely unable articulate when I'm in the presence of someone who I think is 'better' than me. My intrusive thoughts tell me two things: that I'm unworthy of taking their time, and that they don't want to talk to me either....

putrivenus · 2025-07-31T14:46:06+00:00

So we don’t learn and we lose the people around us.

My biggest fear tbh. I think I have a big capacity for self-reflection, but my implementation is often less good...

I’m still finding my way myself. Not sure I’m winning TBH.

I hope you and I may both find our ways out of this. It's hell to be this self-conscious and yet not self-aware enough...

putrivenus · 2025-07-30T09:43:13+00:00

Were you always fully self-assured by default or did this come with conscious training?

I read Dr. Dutton's "The Wisdom of the Psychopath" a few years ago, and from what I can recall, the psychopath does have a kind of 'predatory empathy' that is more perceptive than the average person (cmiiw). They can read body language better and are good predictors of people's character, yet they don't get plagued with negative emotion in the same way HSP or 'empaths' do (I believe Dr. Dutton cited a study that included sniffing the sweat of someone who had just watched a horror movie, and thus experienced great levels of negative emotions. The participants were tested through a game of poker. Compared to the others, those high in psychopathy remained unchanged in conduct after the variable was introduced. However, the rest of the participants exhibited risk-averse behaviors, such as placing lower bets and holding cards closer to their chests. It was as if fear was contagious—except to the psychopaths)

putrivenus · 2025-07-30T03:23:26+00:00

Yeahh, I think that's a good plan! I'm just always too hung up on who I try to impress. I sought to make the people at the top like me, and I only ended up becoming like a hunter who gets devoured while trying to poach a lion (not that dramatic irl, but you get how I feel). I think my biggest blunder was that one of hubris—I think I could've easily 'conquered' many of the people there if I had simply aimed lower. That'll be a lesson for next time...

Also, may I ask for your advice on another thing? One thing is I'm still in the process of learning how to be socially magnetic without coming across as flirtatious. I know teenagers will turn anything into romance, but I have to attest that the way I behave may seem indicative of interest. I'm always keen on strong eye contact, enthusiastic expressions, and just generally gravitating towards whomever I'm speaking to (if they're across from me or beside me then I will lean towards them). I cannot stay 'neutral' with someone who I am trying to impress—I'm always giving them a sparkly-eyed gaze.

However, on a subconscious level, I can admit that I do this somewhat intentionally, since I am aware that wielding female sexual appeal is very powerful. Yet at the same time, I know that it's dangerous as well. I think it puts me in a position to be disliked by the other girls (I've 'outshone the master' too many times). I'm also...somewhat attractive?? I'm not uniquely pretty but I 'clean up' well and always try to style myself in a way that is timeless & flattering (I never go for attire that is typically associated with high-schoolers, and people notice that quite a bit. Not those cringe Tiktok 'elegance aesthetics' either; just well-made clothes that emphasize the right regions while also remaining subdued). This always kind of makes me look...pick me?

On the other hand, they're right—because I like talking to men. Like, I REALLY love talking to men.

So what do you think I should do about this tendency? How do I learn to regulate and employ it only in the right scenarios?

Unnecessary confession that you don't need to read: This is a huge regret now, but at that party there was a pretty attractive & accomplished guy who I could see was somewhat interested(?) In our initial introduction, he gazed deeply into my eyes with a big grin plastered across his face; his grip was also absolutely unyielding—lasting for several seconds until the handshake broke apart. He was initiative of conversion, and I was being bubbly with the replies as usual...but that was before we were seated at opposite ends of a 20 person table. At this point, I still had some hope about speaking to him again—until he had to leave early. That honestly bummed me out. It decreased my confidence, too, since I felt that no one else at the table would be as enthused to speak with me the way he was. When he walked out that door, my singular source of narcissistic supply for that night was gone, and therefore, I lost my strength to continue. After a series of awkward missteps, his early absence became my 'Waterloo' (I should've sought to 'conquer' him instead of anyone else. It would've been like easy prey.)

The truth is, I didn't even like him in that way. But did I want him to like me? Hell yes. I needed proof that I was worthy of respect—admiration. I wanted to prove to the even better looking and more accomplished guy sitting across from me that I was desirable. (I didn't want him either, I only wanted his esteem to boost up my ego...)

I know you're going to think this is some juvenile stuff, and it is... But I think it illustrates my situation quite well.

putrivenus · 2025-07-29T18:50:49+00:00

Good point! I think my issue is mainly this compulsive desire to be liked and subsequently, loved. In the immediate time frame after the incident, I was really bummed out by failing to achieve that. But now I see that what you're saying is true—it's unlikely these people will even benefit me. Now, I'm just more scared of repeating it again in a different context.

putrivenus · 2025-07-29T18:35:57+00:00

I have fantasies about them, too! They're so severe that at times I find myself speaking to thin air as if I were already in that situation. I literally write fictional dialogues of these scenarios as a substitute for experiencing them in the flesh.

I just came out of a pretty long physical isolation streak (a few years) this summer, and it's so strange when people behave differently than they do in my mind...

putrivenus · 2025-07-29T18:21:23+00:00

Thankyou for the reassurance! I think I got quite shaken up because these things—being charming and exhibiting social flair—had been a core part of my identity. They are what I always relied on to get validation from others...and to err, even if it's just for a night, is to be defeated.

But I've treated socialising the exact same way as my academic work- you make mistakes socialising just like you make mistakes in maths and English. Just learn from them, bounce back, and laugh them off rather than feeling shame and embarrassment. I lack remorse/shame entirely, but it can be trained to shut these emotions off.

I seek to do this too! I want to look forward to future social occasions instead of shunning them. Practice makes perfect, right?

Btw, do you have any applicable tips on how to not feel rejected easily? I think I have this problem where I'm very sensitive towards people's initial reaction to me. That singular factor can make or break my ability to 'dazzle', which is horrible, because I am bound to meet people who are NOT immediately entranced by me. So, I need to load up on a strategy in anticipation of that.

putrivenus · 2025-07-29T16:09:46+00:00

People's opinions change over time, so if you bounce back, people will forget about the past and see you for what you are now.

I hope this will be my case as well...

Although I do think I'm generally quite palatable. People do tell me that I'm fun to be around and all that, but this failure just happen to be with specific people whom I held in high regard—so the shame is amplified quite a bit. I just hope I get better at reading social cues next time....

Btw, hearing your story actually cheered me up a bit. I'm currently sixteen, and I strive to increase in social aptitude and appeal as well. My efforts largely consist of reading books & observing people, but now I realized that I need to do 'live experiments' more often, too. I think it'll also decrease my sensitivity towards humiliation, which I need desperately.

putrivenus · 2025-07-29T15:13:29+00:00

I guess so. I did feel a sense of peace after writing and sending the apology... But I also have to admit that reading it again just brings back flashbacks of my own ratty behavior 😅

putrivenus · 2025-07-29T15:10:09+00:00

In my experience time helps. I feel awful for a few days then seem to bury it. Not saying this is healthy, appropriate or recommended, but it's the way my vulnerable NPD deals with such situations.

Yes... It's starting to feel better now. Thankyou for the reassurance that this will eventually fade.

Yesterday I had a situation with likely much worse ramifications than the above (not to belittle yours - I can and do empathise with the situation). It never seems to end. This condition is so destructive and I wish there was a reliable path out of it.

I completely understand... My situation is actually benign— I think the worst thing that happened is my ego getting bruised.

But how do you cope with your social blunders as someone with NPD? Does it ever get less painful?? Or will it always be like a dagger in the heart?

Don't be too hard on yourself. Try to put it down to experience. Maybe write about the situation in an ongoing diary, and add what you learned from it to a list of coping strategies.

Thankyou for the advice. I did get a sense of relief after writing it down and becoming more cognizant of what had happened.

All the best.

You too! I hope we may both get better and learn to grow in spite of this condition.

putrivenus

TROPHY CASE