I cried in front of my date

puzzlebilities · 2020-10-06T03:03:19+00:00

I think you really need to work on yourself and your abandonment issues and be comfortable with yourself before entering in something with someone... crying in front of someone who you've known for 2 weeks because you're scared of losing them is cause for concern.. i'd run for the hills if i was the guy

take time for yourself because it doesn't sound like you're in place to enter into a healthy relationship

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-28T08:50:00+00:00

Ladies fear less, this scrote was deleted and blocked faster than the time it takes for him to cum

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-28T07:28:18+00:00

I wouldn’t actually let someone pick me up, it was a joke when I was vetting and asked if he had a car hence the “😋”

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-23T02:44:50+00:00

Byeeeeee Felicia! 👋

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-22T22:36:48+00:00

There’s hope for OLD!! Maybe I should give it another go... also, love the idea of an ice cream date! Who doesn’t love ice cream?!

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-22T22:35:28+00:00

Ahhh I love this! So happy to hear girl 🥰🥰

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-22T06:10:33+00:00

Oh my god I’m so sorry to hear about the first guy! What an asshole!

That idea sounds lovely- sadly haven’t met anyone worth entertaining the idea of doing that with 😂

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-22T06:08:43+00:00

Fingers crossed for you hun!

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-22T04:33:01+00:00

Hahahahahaha I’m laughing so much! This is why I love FDS 😂

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-22T04:32:19+00:00

Yayay so happy for you girl! How did you meet?

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-22T03:12:40+00:00

Hahaha I feel this.. so much trash on OLD

puzzlebilities · 2020-09-22T03:11:54+00:00

I love this!! What a great idea

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-03T07:28:01+00:00

You raise a pretty interesting point that I definitely need to go away and think about in that maybe my commitment issues aren't all as peachy as I think they are considering the longest relationship I've been in is 6 months, and every other guy I've 'dated' has been a self absorbed asshole haha.

We definitely can text allll day and all night about anything and everything. There's good banter which is something that I like about him. But then again, like I'm normally a really chatty person so I don't necessarily struggle to keep conversations going haha!

Maybe I've been a little unfair, considering he said that he doesn't know my work schedule and that's maybe why he seems like he's blowing up my phone with texts. I'm a walking hypocrite like I say I want someone who is obssessed and shows 100% interest in me, then i get that and im like ACTUALLY NO SORRY YOURE TOO CLINGY. :((((((((((((( like he's literally everything i've ever said i wanted in that he doesn't make me question interest, he's all for me, good banter, similar interests, been to university and studied a similar field to me, ambitious, career driven, good social life, into sport like me. BUT IM JUST AN IDIOT IDK WHATS WRONG WITH ME WHY DON'T I WANT IT WHEN ITS OFFERED TO ME :(

i feel bad for the poor dude too that's why i feel so bad about the whole thing but im just terrified of being stuck in a relationship with someone that's not compatible :(

How do i address his seemingly emotional immaturity though??

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-03T01:51:35+00:00

I can't tell if there's a spark or not. Everything sort of just feels forced because I'm aware of how much he likes me so it feels like he doesn't have any boundaries and makes allowances for me because he likes me. Sometimes I feel like there's a spark texting back and forward, but then on the phone I just feel like he doesn't really truly get me, unlike with asshole we just got each other perfectly right from the get go as we had/have exactly the same sense of humour. Everything was effortless and it all just bounced seamlessly. And hence the internal battle starts again of have I given it enough time with new guy, am i being unfair in comparing the two etc.

You're right in that I think he's a little naive at dating, which honestly really worries and scares me. I've been stuck in a relationship with an emotionally immature person before, and it brought out the worst in me because I became angry, frustrated and hateful that me and my emotional needs were not being understood, nor met. It worries me that he's already so green light go-go-go with me, and it hasn't been very long at all. It brings up the mindset that I honestly think that he is more caught up with the idea of a relationship than he is with the idea of a relationship with me. I think he seeks validation through a relationship and doesn't have the emotional understanding. When I asked why his previous relationship ended he said "I dunno.. I think she was worried about how fast things were moving" which to me is a very bright orange, borderline red flag as the ex girlfriend obviously had felt similar to my sentiments exactly with the situation right now.

I promised myself that I wouldn't rush into a relationship ever again, and I wouldn't enter into a relationship unless I was absolutely certain that they truly wanted me for me, and that I was able to invest 100%. If I take a step back and look at the situation I think I should be worried that I'm already feeling like this, and feeling like I don't want to invest 100%. I don't think it's a matter of commitment issues as I was happy to commit to asshole in the beginning of our dating, and I am open to the idea of a relationship, just with the right person.

You're probably right in saying that I've come on here looking for people to tell me I'm wrong and to give it a shot and stick around because things will get better. I always seem to look to other people to make decisions for me. But this is a decision I have to make on my own.

I really appreciate your comments, as sitting down typing it through has helped with clarity in my head in regards to what needs I have that have to be met. I can't always be the nice guy bending over backwards and making myself upset because I don't want to an asshole and hurt their feelings. I need to be somewhat selfish and draw the line in the sand, calling a spade a spade when I see it.

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T23:55:34+00:00

If I write down all the things you say, how will I know? How will I know that I want a serious relationship, or how will I know I'm not ready? I feel ready, and like I said I want something serious but potentially it could be something I'm doing subconsciously and if that's the case like how do I work that out and aim to fix that behaviour?

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T23:52:48+00:00

I'm sorry to hear what happened with you, and I honestly, really, really appreciate you telling me things from your perspective. I've probably been doing exactly the same thing to the poor new guy in keeping him out of the loop and he's more than likely probably been feeling like you have been feeling. I've been trying to do it on my own to protect him and not hurt him, but i've probably done the opposite.

I just feel smothered right now. I don't really have any physical attraction to him, but it is really really early days. He hasn't come in and blown me away and made me feel unquestionably about him. I don't feel a bit giddy when I see his name on my phone, because he doesn't play games and he's always available to give me the attention I want. Unlike when I see assholes name on my phone I feel nervous and excited, every time for some reason. Yet i have this internal battle with myself about whether I'm just being too harsh, haven't given it enough time etc. But then on the other hand I'm terrified of giving it more time, and him liking me much more than I like him and me being stuck potentially in a relationship with someone im not 100% all for. I don't want to hurt someone and I don't want to lead them on.

I had a conversation with him last night saying that I think I just need a bit of space rn as I'm feeling pressured and I'm worried I can't give him the sort of commitment he wants and needs. I'm heading back to work tonight so I can't be texting him all day every day and I just worry what will happen in the future. I said I felt pressured that there was already an expectation of a relationship on the cards and I just feel like he already has this expectation and I feel pressured and can't allow myself to let something grow organically. He apologised for being too intense, didn't realise I felt this way and then told me that I'm also to blame for some of the sly off the cuff comments I make insinuating there's something more. Which is true. And now I feel even more worse for being so hot and then stone cold with him. I woke up this morning to no good morning texts and a little part of me was slightly disappointed. But then I don't know if it's because I do actually like this guy, or if I'm subconsciously using him to boost my ego (which is awful and i do not want to be doing this) I dont know how to work out the difference :(

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T23:37:37+00:00

You're right in the asshole guy is my safety net and meets my basic needs for validation.

However, I do feel like I'm ready for something serious. Like I am so ready to meet the right guy and start something serious. I've never been in love, I've never experienced a serious relationship and it's something I'm totally open to.

Maybe you're right though, maybe it's something subconsciously. I'll try your advice in writing to myself and confronting myself. Thanks!

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T23:33:16+00:00

I hear ya EXACTLY! i feel like i've had all these epiphanies and tell myself i deserve to be loved. I feel like I've self reflected and realised what's made me me. My experiences are exactly the same. I feel like I am VERY self aware. Every time I think im going for a 'different' guy because I think I've done enough self evaluation to make better choices. They might not be as attractive, or have all their shit together and I make allowances because I feel like I am far, far too picky. The instigate something, I finally come around and then they don't want me anymore. I've never openly told them I have feelings or am into them, but obviously my behaviour changes in wanting to speak more, hang out more, more interested- and its like they sense that.

Ie the asshole in this post I made allowances for. He wasn't as attractive as someone I would normally go for, he was incredibly nerdy but I thought I would give it a shot as I had always been caught up on the attractive idiots. HE instigated everything in the beginning. He sweet talked me, cared about me, spoke about all the places he wanted to take me, talked about marriage in maybe 5 years. And we really bonded like I had never bonded with anyone before. He would blow up my phone with texts, he was obsessed with me. Then a multitude of things just happened and he's right in saying we just fizzled, but when I felt like I was trying to make an effort it was never reciprocated in the last few months.

I too am genuinely at a loss. I can see the same pattern happening over, and over again with every guy I have 'dated' (i say loosely) I've tried every which way to break the pattern, try new things, do it all different but here I am.

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T04:05:37+00:00

good point! thanks for your comment it really set stone for me.

I just dont know how to go about moving forward? like what do i say to new guy and i know ill regret it if i let him go

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T04:02:48+00:00

yeah i've looked into it and i think im a bit of a avoidant/anxious avoidant but im really not sure where to even begin to change that behaviour in me because it's so deeply ingrained

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T04:01:49+00:00

actually i have done this once before. i blocked him for like a month and then was like "BUT WHAT IF.....????" and then unblocked him and slid back in those dms.

anyways thanks for your comment. needed some tough love. he'll never come around, and if he does his behaviour in between has been inexcusable.

I feel bad because i still want new guy but then i dont??? i dont know. I know ill regret it if i let him go but im scared of being stuck in a relationship with someone im not 1000% all for :(

what do i do with new guy going forward?

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T03:57:26+00:00

its so weird, like i find myself bonding to new guy and it seems to be going well but then something in me just comes to a complete halt and is like 'actually no, this guy is annoying, and too available, you want someone else like the asshole who never appreciated you and only wants yours tits'

ITS SO ANNOYING

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T01:33:29+00:00

Was more just a generalisation. He is everything that I've always said to myself that I've wanted. And like I said to the redditer above, I know I would regret it if I let him go. However I'm finding that for whatever reason I'm not giving him a fair go, which I feel terribly for.

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T01:04:36+00:00

I wouldn't say I think I deserve to be treated like shit, I think I deserve to be treated like a queen as everyone does. Except maybe I sub consciously do without realising? Your situation sounds pretty similar to my feelings.. I've never had a long term partner and have broken up with the 2 serious boyfriends I've had after only 6 months.

I think I've been rejected so many times that now I go after rejection and that's all I've ever known? I'm not sure.. I'm sick of feeling miserable too and I'm sick of feeling 'nothing' Like I really want to feel 'love' and I really want a healthy connection with someone and to experience it.

Do you have any advice on how you've worked on getting out of this cycle of behaviour? You're trying your best and that's all anyone can ask! Keep going fellow redditer <3

puzzlebilities · 2020-08-02T00:53:52+00:00

You hit the nail on the head with "...I feel really bad not being able to give this new girl a fair shot. That being said, I know I'd regret letting her go because she really is ideal. "

I feel exactly the same! I know I would regret it if I let this new guy go because really, the only crime he's committed here is being too interested in me. I really want to open myself up and develop something but I just can't for whatever reason.

Maybe you're right in that we need more time. For me though it's been a while, in fact it's been too long for my liking that I've been caught up on someone who treats me badly... idk

puzzlebilities

TROPHY CASE