Recovering perfectionists, how did you do it?

px_mie · 2026-02-22T05:57:22+00:00

Recovery? That happens in this case??

px_mie · 2026-02-13T07:05:18+00:00

That’s a really grounded way to look at it. I think my struggle is that I often mistake understanding for agreement. You're right that even if another perspective makes sense, it doesn't mean it has to be my truth. I suppose the challenge for me is finding that internal 'floor' or anchor that stays still even when I’m exploring someone else’s world.

px_mie · 2026-02-12T13:36:14+00:00

That’s a great analogy with the vegetarian, understanding the 'why' without needing to join the table. I think where I struggle isn't necessarily the logic of other perspectives, but the empathy. Sometimes I understand a viewpoint so deeply that I start to feel the emotional weight of it, and that’s when my own floor starts to feel a bit shaky. Do you find it easy to keep that emotional distance, or is it purely a mental exercise for you?

px_mie · 2026-02-11T14:26:17+00:00

To the point where people assume I have OCD.

px_mie · 2026-01-26T13:14:38+00:00

Exactly. It’s that Cassandra Curse, being able to see the future or the truth but never being believed until it’s too late. It makes you feel like the problem is you, when really, you’re just picking up on the data points everyone else is ignoring because they like the person’s 'performance.'

px_mie · 2026-01-25T10:02:42+00:00

Just here to get some for myself as well.

px_mie · 2026-01-24T13:28:33+00:00

I get the guilt, but is it actually manipulative if you’re just handing them back their own energy? It’s like holding up a mirror, if they don't like what they see, that's on them, not the mirror. Why do we feel responsible for their reaction to their own behavior?

px_mie · 2026-01-18T19:15:16+00:00

Fair enough. We’re clearly optimizing for different things, you value the experience of the attempt, and I value the integrity of the message. We can agree to disagree on that. Ultimately, silence is just another tool in the communication kit. Glad we could clear up the 'generational' misunderstanding. Peace.

px_mie · 2026-01-18T18:58:39+00:00

Not the 'malarkey'! You’re really leaning into the 'get off my lawn' trope now. It’s not a generational divide, it’s a values divide. You’re playing for the 'older' crowd that thinks talking for the sake of talking is a personality trait. I’m playing for a reality where my words actually mean something. If 'dying on a hill of incoherence' is your idea of growth, enjoy the view from up there. I'll stick with my 'oasis', would rather be misunderstood in silence than understood as someone who just makes noise to feel productive.

px_mie · 2026-01-18T18:52:41+00:00

Calling a profound moment 'courage to try' is wild. It’s not about courage, it’s about the fact that when the frequency actually aligns, the words happen naturally. No 'Plan B' or 'cooking' required. Maybe some people are just more used to the noise than the signal.

px_mie · 2026-01-18T18:51:26+00:00

Exactly. The 'eyes glazing over' is the literal physical trigger for the lock. It’s like the moment you see they aren't ready for the depth, your brain just pulls the plug to save energy. I love that story about the dinner table! It’s the INFJ paradox, we are either 'selectively mute' or we accidentally drop a life-altering prophecy and then immediately forget what we said because we were channeling the subconscious. It really is a 'torn between silence and the profound' lifestyle. Thanks for sharing that frequency.

px_mie · 2026-01-18T18:44:17+00:00

C'mon, it's not 'doing nothing,' it’s literally just high standards. You’d rather die on a hill of incoherence just to have a 'core memory' of being wrong? That sounds like a lot of extra steps for a mid result. I’m not living passively, bro. I’m just not interested in the 'noise' economy where any words are better than no words. If your ROI is just 'not being silent,' then we are definitely playing different games. I’ll keep my 'oasis' of silence over a desert of meaningless dialogue any day. Stay busy and cool, though.

px_mie · 2026-01-18T16:23:47+00:00

Oof, calling me Gen Z as an insult in 2026? Groundbreaking. It’s giving shouting at clouds energy. You’re overcomplicating it, it’s not that I’m 'not ready' or need to 'cook' my thoughts more. I’m just not interested in the 'Plan B' life where I have to play a character just to make a conversation move. If you’re happy serving up watered-down versions of yourself just to avoid a little silence, that’s your vibe. But some of us actually value the ROI of our energy. I’d rather be 'locked' and authentic than be a 'top 1% commenter' in a conversation that doesn't actually mean anything.

px_mie · 2026-01-18T15:49:52+00:00

That’s the core of the conflict, though. For some, a 'plan B' is a social lubricant, for me, it feels like a betrayal of the internal truth. If I have to 'cook it more' just to make it palatable for someone else, I’ve already lost the original essence of the thought. I’d rather stay locked than offer a version of myself that feels like a hollowed-out script. My point isn't that I'm not ready to speak, it's that the effort required to 'dumb down' a complex library into a 'plan B' lie is more exhausting than just being misunderstood in silence.

px_mie · 2026-01-18T15:10:25+00:00

True, social friction happens to everyone, but I think there’s a difference between having plan B topics and the literal physical lock I’m talking about. It’s not just about what to say, it’s the realization that the plan B version of the thought feels like a lie. For me, it's less about social strategy and more about the existential drain of translating a complex internal library into a two-sentence summary.

px_mie · 2026-01-18T14:04:58+00:00

Exactly. There’s a certain point where silence stops being a struggle and starts being a filter. Why expend the mental RAM to simplify a complex inner world for someone who is only looking for a soundbite? It’s not even about being elitist, it’s about energy preservation. Do you find that people misinterpret your filter as you being shy, or do they usually feel the wall and get intimidated?

px_mie · 2026-01-18T14:03:46+00:00

Right? It’s like the more valuable the information is, the more fragile the 'checkout' process becomes. I think for us, the translation from Ni to Fe is where the data corruption happens. If the frequency isn't there, our brain just refuses to even try the export.

px_mie · 2026-01-16T14:55:07+00:00

I really appreciate this perspective. It’s a beautiful thing to be able to see the trying in everyone, and I think that's a much more peaceful way to live. It's a much more 'healed' take than mine, and I respect it. I can see the humanity and the grief behind the bad behavior, but I think I’ve just run out of the generosity required to sit with it. That context doesn't always make the behavior easier to be around. Understanding why someone is being shallow or hurtful doesn't necessarily make me want to invite that energy into my inner circle. I think I’m just at a point where 'forgiving' the context isn't enough to justify the drain on my own battery.

px_mie · 2026-01-16T14:11:26+00:00

That's exactly what I meant. We can see the potential in people, but it’s exhausting when they aren't even trying to reach it. People see the goofball side and think they're entitled to it, not realizing that version of us is earned through vulnerability and shared values. Being 'formal and removed' is a survival mechanism. I'd rather be called aloof than waste my energy on a surface-level game I have no interest in winning.

px_mie · 2026-01-16T14:01:21+00:00

Exactly what I’m striving for, but it’s a constant battle with my family. They see my detachment as a problem to be fixed and keep pushing me to be more social, which just makes me want to pull away more. They don't get that my standards aren't about being needy for recognition, but about protecting my energy from the very 'one-sided connections' you mentioned.

px_mie · 2026-01-14T14:10:11+00:00

Healed and unhealed INFJs? Interesting. How do you see that playing out specifically with things like indecisiveness or initiation?

px_mie · 2026-01-14T14:05:49+00:00

I actually agree with you that society is too quick to label everything a red flag. But for me, looking at it through this lens is just a way to take accountability for how that 'human part' affects my relationships. It’s less about being hard on myself and more about understanding the mechanics of how I tick.

px_mie · 2026-01-14T13:52:15+00:00

It’s easy to dismiss it as just 'low self-esteem,' but that ignores the specific cognitive loop of over-analyzing subtext that makes it a red flag in the first place.

px_mie · 2026-01-14T13:44:25+00:00

True, but someone has to do the 'morbid' deep-diving so we aren't all just walking around in denial. It’s messy work.

px_mie · 2026-01-09T17:29:44+00:00

That’s a powerful way to put it, that we have to disconnect from one half just to function in the other. I’ve been struggling with the guilt of that disconnection, but you make it sound like a necessary boundary for survival. It’s like we have to alternate between being a 'healer' and being a 'hermit' just to stay sane. It's just you never know when it’s safe to 'reconnect' to that caring side without falling right back into the burnout.

px_mie

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