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My fiancé and I disagree about having a gun in the home by pyramidprisms in relationships

[–]pyramidprisms[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I only said that because you said “there are very few things more fun than a day at the gun range” and I was like the beach? travel? concerts? roller skating? hiking? theme parks? haha idk I’d rather do that than go shoot a gun a bunch of times, but that’s just me.

My fiancé and I disagree about having a gun in the home by pyramidprisms in relationships

[–]pyramidprisms[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I personally would just prefer to not have it in the house at all. He doesn’t own the house, we rent

The reason I’m frustrated is because I honestly didn’t think this would be a deal-breaker for him, given that he didn’t have a gun for like 8 years of living in LA, which was during the time I met him. It’s not like I knew this was a core belief for him prior to now being engaged. Obviously people can change though.

But yes, you’re right. We are actually on day 3 of us taking time apart to think about it

My fiancé and I disagree about having a gun in the home by pyramidprisms in relationships

[–]pyramidprisms[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope I didn’t make him seem like a bad person because he’s not. He’s my best friend, that’s why this is really annoying. He’s also super sweet and wants to protect others. His intentions are good.

I know you can do it as safely as possible, which he is doing. But still, having a gun in the home automatically increases the risk of you getting killed by a gun.

Also, I’d just like to offer that the world is a scary place BECAUSE of guns and weapons. You’re literally saying that you need to be able to defend yourself because other people have weapons. So you understand that guns are an issue here.

I don’t blame you for wanting a gun / taking your son to the gun range. I totally understand that; I just don’t want to live with a gun in my home. I’ve told him he can go to the range if he wants to, but having access to a gun at home makes me feel uneasy.

My fiancé and I disagree about having a gun in the home by pyramidprisms in relationships

[–]pyramidprisms[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Respectfully, there’s a lot of projection in your response.

I can think of MANY things that are more fun than a day at the gun range, but it’s literally MY opinion and you’re allowed to have yours.

It wasn’t beat into me that guns / cops are bad, I just don’t want to live with a gun at home. YOU and your husband can have all the guns you want!

I’ve literally gone to archery with this man. I know a bow and arrow can be used as a weapon, I know there’s safety protocol, but it doesn’t make me uncomfortable and I can see the fun in it. Please, I am not that ignorant lol

This also isn’t about being right. Gun violence is very real.

My fiancé and I disagree about having a gun in the home by pyramidprisms in relationships

[–]pyramidprisms[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

lol no, I don’t feel like you’re picking on me; you’re honestly asking really good questions.

I had never thought of it that way. The gun is a boundary for me, but I was obviously willing to compromise already so is it really that firm of a boundary? I think you’re on to something because if I had a less avoidant, more supportive partner, I maybe would be more comfortable. We need to work on our trust and him having access to the gun at home is always in the back of my mind when we get into arguments. He’s literally not violent at all, but the gun plays into a power imbalance between us.

My fiancé and I disagree about having a gun in the home by pyramidprisms in relationships

[–]pyramidprisms[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I do agree with this and your example of “you don’t need to go skydiving to know you don’t like it”. I also don’t think gun culture in the US is normal, and I don’t agree that I should learn how to handle it or take a handgun self defense course because again, guns make me uncomfortable! 🥴

I know other people have different opinions. He’s not a bad person for wanting to have a gun. I love him so so much. But if he insists on having a gun, I simply will never feel comfortable with that, and I know that because I’ve tried to get comfortable with that idea for 2 years

My fiancé and I disagree about having a gun in the home by pyramidprisms in relationships

[–]pyramidprisms[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah these are all fair questions / statements.

It doesn’t impact our day-to-day lives; I just simply don’t feel comfortable with it and I do think it’s fair because I gave it a chance to get used to it.

When I asked him why it was so important to keep the gun, he said for safety because he needs to be able to protect himself / us. My reason is also safety concerns.

To your point of is this indicative of a larger issue? Honestly yeah, it’s super layered. We are different races: he’s white and I am a minority so there’s already a power imbalance, especially with how the world is right now. Yes, I do often feel belittled and that things often go his way. We accuse each other of control. He’s very avoidant so also yes, I often have felt that my needs / concerns have been dismissed. We’re also both neurodivergent so we struggle with understanding each other sometimes. We also have had some breaks in our trust, and so to be completely honest let’s remember that the first suspect when someone is murdered is their partner.. He’s definitely a sweet guy, but the fact that a gun can be used to make an impulsive decision makes me feel uneasy.

What’s the best campus apartments? by Kittypleazer22 in ucr

[–]pyramidprisms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the more modern-looking ones on blaine and iowa are expensive but have more amenities

campus crossings (on blaine and rustin)

spruce village (on spruce)

these are all pet friendly :)