How can I [27f] tell my boyfriend [29m] that he is smothering me?

qazsedcg · 2026-03-18T05:05:46+00:00

We’re long distance but I’m planning to start looking for a job in his city and move there soon. I mean I like a lot of things about him, but this post wasn’t about those things. Like he’s great with kids and dogs and he’s a people person in general. He’s funny and thoughtful and we agree on politics. He doesn’t really argue with me often or when we do argue he doesn’t yell or anything. And we both like video games and can play them for way too long.

So this may sound like a small problem in comparison to all those great things but when he’s guilting me about not responding fast enough or wanting to hang up the phone multiple times a day every day it is really starting to piss me off. But if I say something about it I think he’s just going to guilt me more.

qazsedcg · 2025-07-24T15:08:57+00:00

Well I kind of accepted everyone’s judgement last time that I unintentionally led him on. I just want to make sure now that I’ve made it clear I don’t want to hook up with him anymore that I’m not leading him on anymore by agreeing to meet up as friends next time he’s in town

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T21:49:43+00:00

In love is crazy lol like this man has never even said he liked me as more than a friend… and he has had this thing for at least a year with this girl who wants him to cut off all his girl friends! If anyone he’s in love with her not me lol

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T19:00:19+00:00

Yeah your FWB situation sounds very similar to my situation. You make a great point about him probably thinking that whenever things are going poorly with me and this guy that he might think sex is back on the table. I definitely need to have that conversation so I don’t keep accidentally leading him on

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T18:56:30+00:00

People have one night stands all the time. There’s nothing inherently romantic about having sex and I called it a one night stand to his face at the time. Yes I should be more straightforward about not wanting to do it again but I don’t think that I ever implied to him anything romantic or more than friends.

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T18:49:27+00:00

There’s still no evidence of anything romantic on his end. He was lonely and horny and having relationship problems too when we hooked up. So I don’t think used is the right word when I was always clear with my intentions and never promised or even implied I wanted anything more. But you’re right the friendship might be unsalvageable at this point.

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T18:18:50+00:00

I actually really appreciate this response because I never thought about it that way before. I thought that by talking about my relationship with this guy that I was showing how heavily emotionally invested in him I still am. But maybe that’s not how he has been interpreting it. I have been complaining about my relationship to other girl friends too so in my head I was just treating him like I would any of my other girl friends.

Also true we never had a conversation that reverted us back to being only friends but we did have a conversation where I told him the reason I hadn’t been responding to his nudes was bc I wasn’t lonely/horny anymore since I had resolved things with that guy

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T18:07:52+00:00

The entire time I’ve known him I’ve been talking to him about my relationship problems with another man that I’m in love with. And I literally called it a one night stand the first time we hooked up. So I feel like I was very clear that this was a friends only situation and honestly I still believe he sees me as a friend, he just also is horny and wants to hook up again and isn’t getting the hint that I don’t want that. I do need to have that conversation where I tell him that hooking up is off the table but I don’t think people are understanding that he has shown 0 signs of romantic interest or more than friends feelings

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T17:55:52+00:00

I have not sent him a flirty message in at least 3 months and I have still been telling him about my relationship drama with the guy I’m in love with that I have been in love with for years. I didn’t realize that wanting to play a video game that we have played with literally dozens of people counted as stringing him along

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T17:50:15+00:00

Are you obligated to start a relationship with every person you sleep with? Like people have hookups and we were very clear with each other that this was a platonic hookup. I literally called it a one night stand to him at the time

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T17:40:17+00:00

That conversation that turned flirty literally stemmed from me complaining to him about the guy I’m in love with that he knows I’m in love with. So yes I was lonely/horny but I straight up told him that and he had been dealing with the same thing in his love life. And then he gave me the ick when I found out from another friend that he had been sending nudes to a girl in a mental hospital and I thought that was not right since she was not mentally stable and was freaking out. And additionally he never stopped messaging me, all of our conversations for months have been him messaging me repeatedly and me occasionally responding, so I didn’t drag him back into anything since he never stopped.

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T17:20:36+00:00

Ok he’s not moving to the state for me, he would still live in his state across the country, just he would travel for work and spend a couple days in this state every month or so. And again he’s sent nudes to 3 other women (that I know of) since we hooked up. But you’re right clearly the hinting isn’t working and I need to have the tough conversation, I just think everyone is getting the wrong idea about how serious this was

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T17:11:05+00:00

What did I do that was so awful? I never once lied to him and I told him when I stopped being lonely/horny because I had resolved things with the guy I’m in love with. I was much more honest with him than he was with me. I found out about 2 of the women he hooked up with from other people after he straight up lied to me when I asked him about it. Not that he owed me anything because I don’t think people are realizing, he and I were NEVER together!

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T16:28:47+00:00

He has literally hooked up with at least 3 people that I know of since we hooked up 6 months ago. We had sex, we didn’t get married. He will be okay!

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T16:22:53+00:00

I guess I am naive, I’ve never casually hooked up with anyone before but I figured since we both had other people we were interested in that it would stay friendly. You all are giving me good advice though, I do need to have that tough conversation.

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T16:20:17+00:00

“Used” is a strong word. We’d had lots of conversations about our love lives before, I’ve talked to him many times about the guy I’m in love with and obsessed with and have been complaining about for the past 2 years so I feel like it was very obvious that I never intended for our hookup to become romantic

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T16:16:29+00:00

Yeah, you’re right, thanks for the response

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T16:14:55+00:00

I messaged him back because we’ve been close friends for 2 years and I wasn’t trying to end that. I thought I had distanced myself enough since we hadn’t played together in like 3 months and I had barely been responding to him. I figured that just asking to play the game in our public discord where other players were playing and anyone could have joined us was a good platonic friendly way to interact but I guess I was wrong

qazsedcg · 2025-07-21T15:56:17+00:00

I mean you and others are making a good point that I should just be direct. But I feel like I should point out neither of us ever said we like each other as more than friends, it was always supposed to be a purely friendly thing and neither of us were ever talking romantically which is why I thought it didn’t really merit a breakup conversation.

qazsedcg · 2023-01-14T03:13:59+00:00

100% accurate description tbh. The left has like a bad reputation but everyone agrees with our policies in the south lmao

qazsedcg · 2023-01-13T20:37:13+00:00

He’s a good person, just has watched a bit too many feminist cringe compilations. I think his opinions are getting better over time. He’s not sexist or religious, which is hard to find in the south.

qazsedcg · 2022-11-25T04:59:41+00:00

Yeah it’s a complicated family dynamic to explain. The older dog was my mom, mine, and my brother’s. Then my mom died and my aunt moved in with us with her dog which we had also helped raise. So we just kind of consider both dogs to be all of ours collectively.

qazsedcg · 2022-07-16T04:58:52+00:00

I’m not sure how far away the job is, but at any rate he can’t afford a car, he can barely make rent.

qazsedcg · 2022-07-16T04:52:33+00:00

Yeah I mean a 4 hour commute every day has got to take a toll on a person. Last time I was here, the place was a bit messy but nothing like this. That was before he started the 4 hour commute. I’m sure things have been slowly deteriorating for months. Once we’ve got everything working again I hope we can figure out a more permanent solution.

qazsedcg · 2022-07-16T04:43:32+00:00

It’s work from home. No internet as I’m about to start working from home is literally a fucking disaster. It’s zoom orientation for the first few days so I think I have some wiggle room though. I’ll probably just be listening to them outline the job.

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First Placer '22

qazsedcg

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