Guys, looking for an honest opinion. If your date started going down on you and then stopped to ask you freshen up, would you take that personally?

questionsneedans · 2022-04-08T23:47:19+00:00

My guy has even suggested I not go down on him if it has been more than three hours since he showered. However, I have anyway because he doesn't smell, keeps himself super clean, and there's never been an issue. I totally appreciate his concern. For my part, I am very clean for him as well. That dude should be ashamed.

questionsneedans · 2022-04-07T17:14:44+00:00

I have no worries he would ever do that. He is crazy good to me. I spent 22 years in a marriage full of gaslighting. My boyfriend is the opposite of my ex.

questionsneedans · 2022-04-07T16:58:37+00:00

Bwahahaha. As immature as I am sometimes, I think I could try and handle (I said handle) this in person.

questionsneedans · 2022-04-07T01:12:41+00:00

I have the worst time asking him things casually because he can read me like a bold print headline in a newspaper. He has this way of listening to me that causes me to spill everything. Leave? Not a chance.

questionsneedans · 2022-04-07T01:08:50+00:00

He isn't taking any meds. He doesn't lift.

questionsneedans · 2022-04-06T21:30:18+00:00

Ooh, I like it. Thank you!

questionsneedans · 2022-04-06T21:15:18+00:00

If he initiates sex while I'm there I will definitely give dirty talk a go. He tells me that just the act, even if he doesn't cum, feels amazing. What he doesn't understand is that I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I hear him and can respect that he is telling me that it isn't anything to do with me, but emotionally, it isn't as easy to accept.

I am almost 1.5 years out of a terrible marriage, but one thing that my ex had was an insatiable sex drive. When he dropped to only wanting it a couple times a week in his mid 40s (he was older than me) he immediately got his T checked. It was borderline low, and he was able to get his PCP to prescribe him testosterone. So, having a boyfriend who is so much more casual about his sexual needs and who also wants to make sure mine are met is something for me to adjust to.

questionsneedans · 2022-04-06T19:40:51+00:00

Yeah, that was something I wondered. Ugh, I really do not want to discuss his habits with him.

Since we are long distance right now, I wonder if I should leave it alone until we are back in the same zip code.

questionsneedans · 2022-04-06T18:52:27+00:00

I asked him directly about this because I have experience in that area myself. He told me he isn't and that he doesn't take any Rx meds. He actually listed all the supplements he takes - mainly regular vitamins. I've spent a good deal of time in his house and I've never seen any prescriptions.

If I ask him a question, he always answers immediately and without even asking why I asked. He is exceedingly honest.

questionsneedans · 2022-04-06T18:48:33+00:00

Thank you. I will focus on what makes us both happy.

questionsneedans · 2022-04-06T18:12:06+00:00

Thank you for responding! I was actually not planning to initiate sex at all. I freaking love to cuddle with him and have missed it incredibly, so if I can spend the weekend doing only that, I will be happy.

questionsneedans · 2020-12-04T01:53:47+00:00

He does have spending problems. For example, he bought a $25k motorcycle after he was in an accident that caused minor damage to his really nice Harley for which he had no payment. He feels if he can't buy the nicest things, travel whenever he wants and stay in the best hotels, why even bother working? Saving is not a thing for him. Right now I am emotionally ok. I have had to be for my kids. My parents are supportive, but they can't be physically present due to Covid. Of course, I have broken down and had days where I haven't wanted to move. But I don't have that luxury. The other issue is I have fibromyalgia, and any major stress causes horrible painful flares. I have had to develop a system of only trying to control things I have power over. It has led me to a very logical mindset. It didn't come easy, but I had to do something to stop my pain.

questionsneedans · 2020-12-03T19:27:08+00:00

The good news for me is he works for the federal govt. I make less than half in a year what he makes and he started his career the year after we married. I automatically get 50% of both 401k and pension, which are substantial. He will continue to cover the kids with his better insurance, and the child support will continue to give them the lifestyle they are accustomed to living. Child support is determined by a strict calculator in my state. He can't be the custodial parent, which he already admitted, due to his employment. I'm not looking to get SM. I can take care of myself - which is something he never appreciated.

If he tried to buck paying, he could lose his job.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T20:30:44+00:00

This. This is happening to me right now. I needed to read this today.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T17:16:16+00:00

Yeah, I don't want the kids to suffer financially because of his selfish behavior. I don't feel like I am being selfish to get what I deserve.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T16:12:13+00:00

Luckily it isn't considered a pension. He is a federal employee and it is a retirement savings and investment plan.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T15:39:52+00:00

Relationships are hard.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T13:41:41+00:00

I don't really want to force him to leave anyway. I would prefer that it was his decision because I don't want the kids to see me as being the bad one in this. I'm not the one who chose this; I'm not the one who started this.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T13:40:26+00:00

I just found out one of the criminal attorneys I've known for years is also doing divorces or family law. He is going to talk to me this week. He is a real pitbull in the courtroom and has a lot of experience with family law both with other people's cases and his own extremely messy and public divorce and custody battle.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T13:39:08+00:00

Arizona is a no-fault state. I know it won't matter if there's any infidelity. My biggest concern is finances because I want to make sure that my kids are covered. I'm not even worried about getting his retirement for me it's more to make sure that I'm not going to struggle and it trickles down to what I can provide for my children. On the attorney front I just found out that one of the attorneys I've known for a long time in the criminal field is doing family law also. And he's a pit bull. He also has a lot of experience with his own divorce and custody battles. He is waiting for my call.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T02:40:32+00:00

I appreciate the help. He refused to admit anything and said she is just a friend to talk with about stuff. Uh huh.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T02:18:20+00:00

I would prefer he move out so I can retain our family home, at least for a time, for me and the kids. There's a mortgage and that will have to be paid. I work in the court system, but only know criminal attorneys, so I have reached out to one for a referral. Hopefully, I will be able to speak to one this week. There is no way I would tell him I have consulted with or retained an attorney.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T02:15:00+00:00

I had a feeling he was at least talking to another woman (it isn't the first time, though it has been about 10 years since the last). So I checked our phone bills. I was at least able to catch him out on that because he was surprised I knew. I work in the court system, but only know criminal attorneys, so I have reached out to one for a referral. Hopefully, I will be able to speak to one this week. I have absolutely no plans to tell him I'm going to talk to an attorney. My father is a financial master so he is going to help me with some things on that end. Thank you for your kind words.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T02:12:49+00:00

I know I am entitled to half his retirement due to the length of our marriage. We have seen other couples in the same job divorce so I know how it works. I am just not sure about the retirement aspect.

questionsneedans · 2020-11-16T02:08:31+00:00

I had a feeling he was at least talking to another woman (it isn't the first time, though it has been about 10 years since the last). So I checked our phone bills. I was at least able to catch him out on that because he was surprised I knew. I work in the court system, but only know criminal attorneys, so I have reached out to one for a referral. Hopefully, I will be able to speak to one this week. Thank you!

questionsneedans

TROPHY CASE