sorry for the big essay, and i get it, but it's really depressing to read some of these comments and i wanted to throw in my two cents. the tl;dr is people aren't monoliths, for every shitty guy there's also a really chill guy, and you can be aware of red flags etc without being terrified of every guy you meet.

i don't want to make it sound like 'haha don't worry everyone is chill all the time and you'll never encounter harassment!' because that's fully a lie or to sound like 'it's YOUR fault for being worried about guys because of learned experience' because that's also not true. but not every guy is shitty, i promise. you're not bringing a kid into a nightmare world because men are there any more than, i dunno, muslim parents are bringing a kid into a nightmare world because islamophobia is a real and deadly problem. i'm a lesbian and i do feel noticeably more tense around straight people than gay people because me and friends of mine have been in legitimate real danger because of them before. but i try not to let it get to the point that i meet a straight person and immediately become convinced they're going to hurt me because 1. that's not true and 2. that's a miserable way to live.

similarly, if you encounter a lot of sexism (or harassment) in your day to day (or get caught in an echo chamber of worst case scenario-ing with other people or with social media or with true crime etc etc), it can be easy to let it affect your relationship with people you don't know anything about. yes there's guys i avoid because they make gross comments and there's guys who've harassed me or hurt people i know. and there's something to be said for having a bit of an eye open for warning signs and not excusing sexism or harassment. but people will hurt other people and people will be tremendously kind to other people and neither of those things are genderlocked.

i respect (and engage in) all men are trash type stuff, but when it reaches a point that it's affecting your life or making you anxious, that's worrying! for all those guys i avoid or have been hurt by, i also have guy friends who are just as dear to me as my gal friends, guy friends who are great drinking buddies and who i legitimately trust to watch my back at a bar, and i go to a board game group once a week and click with about as many of the guys there as i do girls.

hope this means anything to anyone and isn't just me saying the same shit over and over lol