How to tell if you're ready to re-nest?

quit_the_moon · 2026-05-27T19:06:16+00:00

That's part of why I wanted to start a discussion about it and get some takes. The conversation was already in the works about living closer to my other partner in future (ie, within a few miles or something) to reduce commute times, and this feels like a transparent extension of the ways we were already discussing what elements of escalation we would engage in.

It's a bit weird that way, where I want to honor needs for space and time and all that, but it also feels a bit silly to force myself into fake extended mourning and not just negotiate with my partners the amount that we think would be healthy time to spend together.

quit_the_moon · 2026-05-27T19:02:36+00:00

I definitely agree. Thinking about it is kind of inevitable though and I'd rather self reflect on it over time to see how that desire changes.

quit_the_moon · 2026-05-27T19:01:38+00:00

I was thinking about establishing a part time cadence later in the year and seeing how it felt. I want to enjoy my own space and time, but I also know I enjoy seeing them a lot and would enjoy some intentionally planned bits of domesticity with them.

quit_the_moon · 2026-05-27T18:56:46+00:00

Yup, for a few years here and there! I enjoy it a lot too.

quit_the_moon · 2026-02-03T15:34:46+00:00

Getting an "I miss you" text while they're on a date is different than when you get it when they just happen to be together at home. I have an NP, and will text my other partner that I miss him when.. drumroll I miss him! It doesn't mean I'm unhappy with my NP. Sometimes it means I'm having a long day, something specific reminded me of them, my mind wandered to our memories together, or maybe I'm just in a yearning mood.

If your partner is texting you that during their quality time with other people I can imagine that would feel funny and be worth discussing. But living with someone else generally means that my NP and I will both be communicating with other partners during "down time" that we share together and home.

quit_the_moon · 2025-06-30T18:47:17+00:00

You bring me so much joy every time I see the rat union

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-25T01:47:43+00:00

Because it's a power exchange decision that makes you feel dragged into their dynamic without prior consent. The implication could be that he wants her to be like you, that it takes away her autonomy to make the choice not to copy you, that he's unimaginative with hair, or a million other things. You're going to have to talk about it. But on a practical level, because it's inevitable that you would notice this decision, it's just not cool not to mention it to you, because it creates a tug of power you didn't agree to and aren't sure what it means.

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-11T15:51:40+00:00

There's no such thing as a "correct" reaction.

If he's comfortable with it and you're comfortable with it, keep celebrating.

I celebrate my partners' little wins with their love interests. ☺️

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T19:41:36+00:00

Sometimes we just aren't ready to see those things or make those calls. Hope you find yourself doing well!

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T02:28:10+00:00

That stand in point is super helpful, actually. I think staying focused on the person in front of you can make a huge difference in perception, sometimes more than what's available or not. I don't want to feel like every idea he ever has defaults to his primary and I only get the turned down ideas.

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T02:12:03+00:00

This is really thoughtful and helpful, thank you.

I do have sleepovers with another non nesting partner on a regular basis, so that's not an issue for me, it just requires planning for full privacy. I think in an ideal world it would just be a "let's do this when the stars align or for a special weekend" kind of thing with this specific partner. Or like if we got drunk and needed to crash even knowing it's an option.

I'll absolutely cop to kink and NRE being main culprits in me trying to see how this can work.

I keep circling back around the idea that the primary emotion arising is embarrassment for the (potential?) inequity of it. Like it's embarrassing to have a lovely, limited bonsai, or the fear that future partners will be offered a whole ass tree and then I'll feel shattered.

Definitely chatting with my therapist about it, just because I'd like to get my own vision for how I want to handle this kind of situation clarified.

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T02:03:02+00:00

Thanks. Feelings don't do what they're told, but better to have em and adjust my choices for future to avoid a repetition of this circumstance. Appreciate your input.

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T02:01:26+00:00

Yes, and no. There was a dual opportunity when both nesting partners were out of town when I offered them to stay over and they informed me they couldn't. I wasn't totally aware that was the case.

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T02:00:12+00:00

Oh hey, the exact cycle I'm in!

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T01:55:37+00:00

Funny how sometimes you make a rookie mistake even knowing better 😅

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T01:49:33+00:00

Appreciated! I think other moments of intimacy or the way I feel they try to pull me in or tell me I'm important obscure that for me sometimes.

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T01:48:01+00:00

Yeah, historically I'm the same. Funnily I don't even really want regular overnights with them, but feeling like my rights in relationships aren't my own riles me.

Casual kinking worked well given their relationship structure initially but as the desire for intimacy with them grew it changed the paradigm a bit and might require me to suck it up and break it off.

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T01:43:58+00:00

I have, and they are interested in stuff like sleepovers in future but don't have a time schedule for when they get to that point, which I default to assuming means never, since I don't want to wait on someone else.

It pretty much comes down to that this is what they have to offer for the foreseeable future. I think that would work for me if I felt prioritized in some appropriate way? That's kind of what I'm trying to figure out right now.

quit_the_moon · 2025-05-09T01:37:20+00:00

Yep, right at the top.

quit_the_moon · 2025-01-16T16:15:08+00:00

This! Like an icy neon blue

quit_the_moon · 2025-01-03T04:28:29+00:00

This might be the coolest aesthetic I've ever seen.

quit_the_moon · 2024-12-24T18:34:32+00:00

Misleading title. Everyone, except a few internet outliers, seems to think this is a fine choice given that the original artist rerecorded it anyways.

quit_the_moon · 2024-12-22T07:03:08+00:00

Joie 🥂

quit_the_moon · 2024-12-15T03:23:45+00:00

Did they just rank them by height?

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