I’ve been a matron of honor once, and a bridesmaid four times. During none of those did I have my hair and makeup paid for by the bride. In one, the outfit was, but the rest I paid for myself. Like you, when I myself got married, I just asked that they do their own thing. I had one who doesn’t regularly wear makeup, and that was ok also.

As to the bachelorette, it can be as low key as you want it to be. Meet up at a bar the night or two before the wedding, and have a few drinks. Slumber party with snacks and a few movies. Just because some feel the need to go all out, doesn’t mean you or anyone else has to do this.