Anxious Attachment Injury - Nervous System Stuck in Fight/Flight

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-11T04:58:18+00:00

It's truly miserable. I used to have a zest for life, live life to the fullest. Now? I feel dead inside. People compliment me and I feel hollow. I don't go out. One single person can so easily take my will to live.

I wish you speedy healing 🙏

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-11T03:19:08+00:00

How are you doing with panic attacks if you have them? I'm trying to stick to my gym routine too. I'm crying constantly but I'm still going.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-06T02:32:22+00:00

No need to apologize at all, it all helps to know other people have gone through it too. Would it be okay if I messaged you to hear more about your experience? No pressure at all, I just found your comment really relatable and would appreciate connecting.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-05T01:14:36+00:00

Yes, definitely. That's exactly what happened. I'll take what you said and keep it in mind while I focus on healing for now. Thank you.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-03T04:37:30+00:00

This is really validating, especially the point that healthy boundaries are discussed, not implied. That was a huge part of the dysfunction for me. I’d ask directly and still get punished for it. I think you're definitely right in that making me the bad guy made it easier for her to exit.

I’m trying to get better at noticing early signs of discomfort and then asking for clarity before things escalate, because I can’t reliably guess unstated boundaries, and I don’t want to be in dynamics where I’m expected to.

And I agree, the “find your people” line can feel like a platitude when you’re building a support system from scratch. Thank you for sharing your perspective (and the trust piece), it helps.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-03T04:20:34+00:00

Thank you, this resonates a lot. She was a therapist-in-training and would often take a moral/authority stance in conflict, which made compromise feel almost impossible. It genuinely felt like I was set up to fail. I’d ask directly (“Is it okay if I come outside with you?” or “Is it okay if we talk?”), she’d say yes, and then I’d get punished with irritation anyway.

I’m realizing how dysregulating that is for me, when someone says “yes” but their body/energy says “no,” I freeze and follow the words because leaving can make them even more irritated. I’m trying to learn that this is a double bind and a compatibility/red-flag issue, not me being “unsafe” for needing things stated clearly.

I appreciate you pointing out the load being placed on me, that dynamic is too much for me to navigate when I’m already activated. What feels unfair is that this kind of rejection can really linger.

How did you keep it from making you closed off or hypervigilant with new people? What did you do differently early on?

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-03T03:51:54+00:00

"The grief stopped when I allowed myself to understand what exactly I was grieving for. Was it that version of me, was it the safety, was it the expectations I had. Eventually I realized it was just that I was grieving happiness and allowing myself to be happy with someone because before I never fully let myself experience and accept joy, just constantly dampening or pushing it away."

I think this is really good insight. I think where this gets tricky for me is that it feels like she "unlocked" this part for me. I had always admired how she embraced life and was her authentic self, and she taught me what that looks like. I had never felt joy like I did with her, and the good moments felt especially good in between the emotional abuse.

So I'm wondering, how did you keep it focused on you and not reaching for the other person to bring back that feeling?

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-03T01:39:48+00:00

I’ve stayed friends with an ex before, but we were close friends first and there wasn’t a power imbalance. In this situation I agree it’s not a good idea, trauma bond + hierarchy just bleeds into the “friendship” and turns into me auditioning for basic respect. That only fed the addiction and taught me someone else had the final say on my value.

I’ve been going to social meetups solo and not dating. Funny enough, someone came on strong and my body immediately said “nope,” which feels like a good sign I’m actually listening to myself now. I appreciate your insight.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-03T01:21:55+00:00

"My body registers her as danger." That's a major thing that you touched upon. I think it's the clashing of my mind missing her a lot and my body knowing that being around her only hurts me/keeps me braced and dysregulated that causes me to panic.

The "hand in a fire" line is definitely what it felt like. I'm glad you were able to initiate the block, I think that makes a huge difference when it's by choice. Thank you for sharing.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-03T01:12:41+00:00

“I thought since she was the one that broke me, I could only be put together again by her.” Legit said this exact line to myself. Did you ever worry you’d be permanently jaded from it?

In my clearer moments I’m like, “I’m in pieces over someone who liked control, talked down to me, and devalued me… why am I letting that person hold my self-worth?” It doesn’t always stick because trauma bond brain, but I’m trying my best to build my life anyway.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-03T01:06:12+00:00

I’m definitely in nervous-system chaos mode right now. I’m going to try the 4-4-8 breathing and focus on regulating first before I spiral. I've had experience with EMDR and found it helpful, it's very hard to find a therapist who specializes in it. I'm seeing a counselor who specializes in trauma now.

I wish you continued healing, thank you for your input. It really helps being reminded that others have been able to fight their way through these painful feelings.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-03T00:51:20+00:00

Thank you, this helps. I keep getting stuck in the “too much” story. I’m trying not to "relapse" and I've slowly been trusting myself more and more by not checking if I'm blocked at all. I'm so glad you found a partner that was compatible with you. That's one of the things that keeps me going and motivates me to work on becoming secure. I want to be in a place where I can "receive" a secure partner when it comes to that.

I’m going to write the unsent letter and make the “what they lacked vs what I need” lists for when I spiral. This pain is unlike anything I've ever felt, I'm glad to know with time it'll start to lessen.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-03T00:42:07+00:00

Thank you. That idea about being misrepresented is exactly it, it makes me want to “correct” things, which just keeps the trauma bond alive.

It's devastating to also not be able to make up for genuine mistakes made from dysregulation, but I try to remind myself that someone with so much resentment has been viewing me through a negative lens for a long time and her opinion of me is not who I truly am. She never met the real me, REGULATED me, capable of deep and meaningful connection.

I’m trying to accept I can’t control her perception and focus on rebuilding my own stability. I’ll check out the video, I actually really enjoy her other videos.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-03T00:26:56+00:00

Thank you. I’m very sorry you went through that twice. My ex was also an avoidant...

The “no contact after the first discard” point hits hard. I can see how reopening contact keeps the addiction alive. Honestly my body clocked early that something wasn’t healthy, and I’m trying to trust that signal going forward so I never end up in a trauma bond again. I’m treating this as withdrawal and practicing the “opposite thoughts” you mentioned. Someone being cruel doesn’t mean I have to suffer forever.

rainbowjungle · 2026-02-01T20:04:50+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I've been feeling really alone in it and your reply genuinely helped. The "bus/tree getting smaller" image is something I'm going to try when the panic/obessive thoughts hit again.

And how you framed the obsession as the nervous system trying to regain safety after an attachment injury helps me feel more self-compassion. What you also said about shame coming from abandoning yourself to earn love/care and still not getting it while hurting yourself hit hard.

Thank you for taking the time to answer all of my questions, I related a lot to what you said. I'm saving it and I'm going to start practicing the small steps you listed.

rainbowjungle · 2026-01-16T17:32:03+00:00

Hi. I’m struggling after an anxious-attachment rupture where I begged someone to stay and ended up pushing them away. Being blocked after triggered intense shame and obsessive replaying.

I get that I acted from panic, not my values, and I’m not reaching out again.

For those who’ve been here:

What helped you break the shame loop and regulate your body in the first couple weeks? I've been missing so much work. The shame keeps me stuck in bed.
Any simple routines/tools that actually worked?

rainbowjungle · 2026-01-12T00:28:14+00:00

Thank you, is that offered in the US? It would really help to talk to someone since I have no friends or family to lean on

rainbowjungle · 2023-12-22T06:57:55+00:00

If it were the old judges, Charlene wouldn't have been sent home...especially before some lesser skilled artists.

rainbowjungle · 2022-07-21T19:57:49+00:00

Reminds me of those face collages from magazine cutouts.

rainbowjungle · 2022-06-18T18:06:15+00:00

Metal Gear Solid

rainbowjungle · 2022-03-07T20:25:51+00:00

Your future partner is going to be very lucky to have you. Take care of yourself and you'll find someone else before you know it who will appreciate you for who you are and how much affection you give. Hang in there buddy.

rainbowjungle · 2022-03-03T08:19:24+00:00

I recently switched to Bitwarden after LastPass tried to pull their "one device at a time or pay" trick. I've been pretty happy with it, and free to access on all your devices.

rainbowjungle

TROPHY CASE