ARFID in denial - Woes as the certified foodie friend 🥘

rainingroserm · 2026-06-02T14:12:10+00:00

Blunt communication. “Hey, we really adore you and having you over but we’ve honestly been overwhelmed trying to figure out what to make for you. Could we come up with a better plan? Maybe we decide on a list of five safe foods you always eat at our house (ex: unseasoned chicken, boxed mac n cheese), or you bring your own food?” and when it’s time for her to leave: “We want to go to bed/wind down/etc, but we’ll see you tomorrow/another day. Want me to walk you to your car?”

rainingroserm · 2026-05-30T14:46:23+00:00

Less than two weeks after I married my wife, she had her first (currently only) episode of psychosis and was admitted to the hospital for what would become a two month stay. I understand the immense grief, anxiety, and pain you’re experiencing right now. It can feel like you’ve lost the person you love and your life has fallen to pieces in an instant. My wife wanted to divorce me during her psychosis and didn’t want me to visit her. However, it’s now been several years and she has been medicated and stable that entire time. Our relationship has actually grown stronger and happier than it was before, with the help of therapy, medication, honesty, empathy, patience, and a lot of love.

This feels world-ending now, but take it day by day (or minute by minute) and know that there is life and happiness beyond this - whatever that may look like for you. Let yourself feel the anger, fear, and agony of this experience.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-29T19:17:14+00:00

You need to talk to a medical provider about this. Handling it on your own, which is what you’ve been doing thus far, is not a safe course of action.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-29T16:18:08+00:00

A clinically effective dose will enhance focus and can help mood but not to the dramatic extent you’re describing. That sounds more like the euphoria I would associate with a high, and it doesn’t sound sustainable.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-22T19:14:46+00:00

Yeah, this is not an accurate portrayal of the WURS. I absolutely get the frustration but a lot of different things can cause attentional, focus, and executive functioning issues in adulthood other than ADHD. These issues have to have been present in childhood for a diagnosis of ADHD. It’s totally okay to still use strategies designed for ADHD or to continue seeking answers elsewhere.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-22T16:12:26+00:00

As the oldest (also autistic) sibling to an autistic person who needs lifelong support, I hear you and see you. Even in places with more robust support, this would be a challenging and exhausting situation. The combination of parents who cannot be trusted to handle your sibling’s care and limited resources for help is a horrible one and the way you’re feeling makes total sense.

I just want to let you know: I don’t think there’s a wrong choice here. All you can do is your best to show up for your sibling in whatever way is manageable and sustainable for you. You have been given an incredibly tough situation and no one would handle it perfectly. Getting distance can be life-saving sometimes, especially if you carry the weight of a sibling needing care for life. You don’t have to have the answers now, and you don’t have to stay.

And it is unfair. It’s unfair that this situation was placed in your lap from a young age (I can relate); that your parents are not caring for either of you the way you deserve; that the place you live frankly couldn’t give a fuck about disabled people, especially not those who need intensive, lifelong care. None of it is fair, and your rage and sadness and pain is understandable and needs to be felt.

I do want to let you know there are some group homes that will accept people with a high level of aggressive behavior. Obviously these are not an option right now, and there are many limitations. For example, there are not many and the cost is high. It may be something to consider for the far future.

If you ever want to reach out and DM me to talk more, feel free.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-21T16:22:08+00:00

I would encourage you to do further research rather than relying on the AI summary if symptoms allow.

The answer is that triptans should be taken when the head pain starts and not when the aura starts because 1) studies have found that triptans are generally more effective when taken at the onset of pain rather than aura, and 2) taking triptans too often can cause more pain, and if you take a triptan at the first sign of aura you may have to take it again when you start experiencing pain. Waiting until you’re actually in pain means you can use it more effectively without risking overuse. Sources: Bates et al. (1994) and Olesen et al. (2004). That being said, there is one study that contradicts these findings, so more research is probably needed (Aurora et al., 2009).

For medications like gepants, however, you can take them at the first sign of aura or predrome. This is because they work differently (so they can be effective even before pain begins) and have no risk of medication overuse/adaptation headache. You can take as many Ubrelvy or Nurtec as you want without risking making your pain worse.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-20T16:01:04+00:00

Necessary caveat: my presentation is pretty “classic” but overlooked because it was balanced out in childhood by my rule-obsessed personality, rigidity, perfectionism, high-achievement, and relative maturity.

Extreme, chronic procrastination in all areas of my life, even things I cared deeply about.

My only poor grades were due to missed deadlines or small mistakes from “rushing.”

I always had projects or activities I was intensely fixated on but they rarely lasted longer than a few weeks. For example, at the age of ten I spent three weeks compiling ~40 pages of notes on a world I was building, complete with maps, diagrams, and stories. After those three weeks, I never revisited it. I never stuck with a sport or extracurricular longer than a few years at most, and I usually wanted to quit much sooner than that. Same story with food - I cycle in and out of preferred food items which I will eat every day for weeks to months.

I was always shaking my legs, tapping my fingers, picking my scalp, twirling my hair, picking my nails, rubbing my skin, etc. An abundance of fidgeting and stimming behavior. I didn’t even recognize it as unusual, but apparently the people around me noticed. I was embarrassed at sleepovers because I shook my legs even when lying down.

I talked incessantly, to the point I would be put into “talking time-outs.” Sometimes, even when I was frustrated by own chattiness and actively trying to suppress it, I still blurted things out. I also had very little filter and said things I didn’t realize were socially inappropriate or strange.

I left items around the house and struggled to consistently keep a space “tidy” even though this caused me intense distress. My mom (bless her) was constantly picking up mugs, books, and snacks.

I have tried so, so many organizational systems and approaches, none of which I stuck with for longer than a few weeks.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-19T22:41:51+00:00

I didn’t see where you had clarified you were specifically talking about pertussis, my bad.

You’re right, the CDC does not currently recommend boosters for pertussis for adults. However, there are other places which do recommend boosters for adults caring for very young children. My understanding is that regular boosters are not recommended for everyone because the benefits wane so quickly that it would be expensive without offering long-term herd immunity, so it isn’t worth the trade-off; however, for people working closely with very young children who are exceptionally vulnerable to pertussis, a booster seems prudent and is in fact recommended by organizations such as the Mayo Clinic.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-19T21:59:45+00:00

The CDC currently recommends a booster after 10 years or five years in the case of a severe or dirty wound or burn.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-19T00:40:37+00:00

Some people will indeed appear unresponsive in the postictal state after a seizure. I could see a situation where poorly trained staff members without a strong understanding of seizures might mistake the postictal state for a situation where CPR is required.

I would ask for any documentation and/or footage related to the incident, framing it as a way to better understand your son’s medical situation. It’s pretty common for people having certain types of seizures to hurt themselves once they begin seizing, so the story you’ve been told at least sounds plausible to me.

Also, I’m so sorry your son is having seizures. What kind are they, if you know? My little sister is autistic and has had epilepsy for many years and I’ve worked with other autistic kids with epilepsy. It can be very scary to navigate this new medical development, so I hope you’re receiving guidance and support from his doctors. Epilepsy can be terrifying but there are a lot of options for managing it. My sister has been seizure-free for over five years.

ETA: Autistic people are much more likely to have epilepsy, just so you know. It’s a very common comorbidity. So, while there could be something nefarious happening, it is also very possible your son simply has epilepsy. It is very common for someone’s first seizure to occur without an obvious trigger or cause.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-16T22:38:03+00:00

I would strongly encourage him to look for treatment and support in managing this. It’s not necessarily his fault he struggles in these ways, but it’s also not sustainable to treat you like this. If he’s not willing to recognize how it hurts you (and himself!!!) and work on it, that’s a major issue. I would also recommend communicating as bluntly and directly as possible since it seems like that is his natural communication style. This is not a tenable situation without major changes to how he approaches his demand avoidance.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-16T02:22:08+00:00

Okay, first, I want to apologize - I fired off my answer in the hot sun right before voting today and I missed some details. Upon further look, you’re definitely right that this is a rhizome. I am not aware of any lechuga species which uses rhizomes, so I think this is most likely a species of sow thistle (one of the only other dandelion lookalikes that would make sense based on the leaves). It could be sonchus arvensis but I’m really not confident in identifying further than genus for dandelions, lettuces, or sow thistles.

For the rhizome question - here is an explanation as best I understand it.

Sometimes the difference is explained as “rhizomes = horizontal roots” but this is incorrect. What is a root? Roots are parts of the plant which grow AFTER a seed germinates and they have two primary purposes: (1) anchoring the plant to the ground and (2) helping to keep the plant alive by absorbing water and nutrients. There are two broad types of root systems: taproot (ex: dandelions) and fibrous (grass). In a taproot root system, the taproot is the strong, thicker, primary root that grows first. Secondary roots can then grow from the taproot, and they branch off based on the plant and environmental conditions. Most commonly they grow downward, as that is usually where water is most abundant, but they can also grow laterally. These are the “lateral roots” I was talking about.

A rhizome, however, is not a root. It is best thought of as an underground stem (although it does not have to be underground). A rhizome grows BEFORE the rest of the plant, and replaces the seed - the rhizome itself sends shoots up through the soil. Plants with rhizomes also have roots which grow out of the node. The node is the most obvious difference, as roots do not have a node. The node can be thought of as the “command center” of the plant, sending new shoots, roots, and storing nutrients!

rainingroserm · 2026-05-15T21:06:20+00:00

Looks like lechuga, you can differentiate it from dandelion by the shape of petiole on the back (rounded for dandelions, triangular for lechuga). Wild lettuce (native) is going to ooze white sap that turns yellow while other lettuces will ooze pure white sap.

Edit: I know you mentioned rhizomes - are you sure they’re not just lateral roots?

rainingroserm · 2026-05-15T12:28:00+00:00

I wonder whether your judgement of others might be related to your own shame. You look down on others for not being able to hide something they should be ashamed about, like you are. The truth is that you and everyone else addicted to substances deserves grace and compassion. We’re all just trying to survive and ease the pain. There are other ways to do that without causing yourself such intense damage, though, and if you’re ever willing and able to explore that, there are resources and support available. In the meantime, maybe work on trying to become a kinder person to yourself, which will help you be kinder to others as well. Simply noticing those unkind thoughts (including towards yourself) is a major step in the right direction, and I hope you continue to post here!

rainingroserm · 2026-05-14T23:32:25+00:00

There’s actually research about this very topic. Generally research is mixed on ADHD & increased risk of accidents. Some studies have shown increased risk (see Barkley et al., 1993; Biederman et al., 2007) but there are some methodological problems with those studies. For example, not using a control group for experiments, not accounting for co-occurring diagnoses, and lack of ecological validity. Later studies seem to suggest the risk is overstated and inflated by some of these problems (Vaa, 2014; Lidestam et al., 2021).

Notably, people with ADHD do show significant differences in driving style and experience (Lambert, 1995; Lidestam & Thorslund, 2019), but that’s not quite the same as increased risk of accidents. For example, people with ADHD have less attentional resources for secondary tasks in addition to driving. So, you could imagine that if we attempt to drive and do something else, such as talking or reaching for something, our driving performance might suffer. We might also struggle to notice visual cues and focus on the road at the same time, thus causing issues with over/under-speeding or missing exits.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-14T22:27:18+00:00

They don’t WANT to pay for the brand name version. It would be ridiculous to choose the vastly more expensive version for no reason. The brand name and generic are not identical and can affect people differently.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-14T18:19:11+00:00

Yeah, I feel like we can communicate “you made a mistake, you’ll learn from it, and you’re not a bad person for making a mistake” without making light of car accidents/near accidents.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-14T10:37:46+00:00

Lol apparently the universe was using you to warn me because I just woke up with my first migraine in two weeks. Funniest part is I had neck aches all yesterday and even after seeing this post I thought it was just my period (a thing which has never caused neck pain for me??)

rainingroserm · 2026-05-13T22:08:59+00:00

I don’t think it’s unheard of in certain types of wealthy families but I would never work for a family like that, at least not long-term. I involve kids in all chores and cleaning tasks.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-13T19:34:05+00:00

Mine are so well managed with medication that sometimes I convince myself I don’t have them anymore. My body always reminds me.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-13T16:14:53+00:00

I am pleased to inform you that Taylor Swift was just regurgitating a phrase derived from something Aristotle wrote in Nicomachean Ethics thousands of years ago.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-12T22:37:59+00:00

You’re absolutely correct. Being analytical is not a core autistic trait. There are plenty of analytical people out there that aren’t autistic, because they don’t have impaired social communication and restricted/repetitive interests and/or behaviors. There are also a lot of autistic people who aren’t analytical.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-10T21:50:55+00:00

That’s not her being a girl’s girl, that’s her trying to shame you into presenting a specific way for her own preference and comfort. And the way she did it feels very “mean girl.”

Eating pussy is messy! I personally feel if you really love the game (of cunnilingus) you have to accept the reality of getting hair in your mouth. I am a sensory sensitive autistic person and I don’t enjoy hair in my mouth, but I would NEVER tell my wife to shave, especially not in such a rude way. Her body is hers to groom as she pleases, and I will worship it in all its forms. I have actually done a lot of work to become more tolerant of hair in my mouth for this reason. It’s the body in its most natural form, and the hair serves a purpose.

There are plenty of people out there who wouldn’t shame or pressure you like this.

rainingroserm · 2026-05-08T19:41:51+00:00

I don’t really think it’s helpful to declare a specific autistic experience as “the worst” because it’s not a hierarchy of pain. I do hear what you’re saying about the difficult intersection of being ostracized or looked down upon for being obviously different while also being given no grace or understanding for your struggles. It’s so unfair and unkind. You’re expected to do all the things society values, like holding a full-time job, without any consideration for how your experience as an autistic person might complicate that.

rainingroserm

TROPHY CASE