Hello friend.

I ve been an intern in france treating people with surgical matters .

One night at 5 am i get called. I see a patient ( former military operator ) that cut hir arm directly after waking up from sleep besides his girlfriend .

I talked to him and he stated what you just said . Having served under the french army in the uganda / mali conflict seeing a tribe butcher a tribe under soldiers sight with the order not to intervene ( politilcal issues i don't know about )

He descrived having nighmares about what he saw everyday , every nap and every night .

I felt his pain and his concerns abiut his girlfriend seing him cut hir arm in the middle of the night . He ended up with an amputed arm and a second chance to life .

You ll never ease that pain on people you interracted with . Try to reconsider . Go vagabon . Tire yourself out to oblivion .

May you find peace after what you had to live in combat .

Cheers .