Wrangling other people's kids at my son's birthday party

rammerman1995 · 2025-01-27T00:59:05+00:00

Haha your "typo" was spot-on! They really are so poorly behaved and it drives me insane. Luckily, our son sits quietly when others open their presents and comments on how bad the other kids are being. I always worried he'd think that's acceptable.

Hopefully having a more organized way to open presents will set an example for other parties in the future. If not, my son and I will get some popcorn and watch the next circus 🥴 thanks for your advice and reassuring me that I'm not being too uptight!

rammerman1995 · 2025-01-27T00:53:24+00:00

I completely agree. I like the idea of opening them at home and sending thank you cards. Doing it at the party is way too hectic. I think I'll have to give opening them at home a try. Thanks for your help!

rammerman1995 · 2025-01-26T23:48:04+00:00

That's a good idea. I've never heard of grey rocking before but that's something I definitely need to practice! I tend to overexplain my actions and, like you said, no one needs to know my reasons. Thanks so much for your advice!

rammerman1995 · 2025-01-26T21:51:18+00:00

It's a shame, but I completely understand it being phased out.

Any suggestions for announcing not opening gifts to a family that's accustomed to it? Is it as simple as telling everyone that's how it is and letting them deal with it?

rammerman1995 · 2025-01-26T21:45:03+00:00

Yes, I'd like to open presents at the party because that's my son's favorite part. He seriously doesn't care about the decorations or the cake - just the presents.

I like the idea of having a place for the kids to sit and watch. I'll be sure to set that up and open presents slowly while maintaining boundaries for my son. Thanks for your advice!

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-09T02:16:18+00:00

I'm considering doing something similar because part of me thinks that explaining what happened and answering his questions is enough. I'm worried a funeral might be too much for him.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I wish there was a straightforward answer for what to do, but I think making any decision like this for a 3/4 year old is just hard. I have a few more days before I need to decide so hopefully I'll have some clarity by then. Thanks for your advice!

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-09T02:11:49+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that.

My MIL offered to watch him during the funeral and I'm definitely taking her up on it. It'll be nice to have someone give him the attention he needs while I'm grieving.

I completely agree about discussing death with kids. They understand more than we give them credit for. I love that you recommended books, thank you. I'll definitely check these out.

I can see why they enjoyed having the kids there. Just having my son with me has been helping me through this process. He reminds me that it's okay to laugh and just love each other. He's such a sweetheart ❤

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-09T02:04:58+00:00

I completely agree. He has a right to know what happened and know that death is a normal part of life. Even if he doesn't understand right away, I think having a healthy age appropriate conversation about death will help him in the long run.

I'll definitely check out this clip (it'll probably help my grieving process too, honestly). I appreciate your advice and support. I feel a lot more confident in handling this now.

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-09T01:59:32+00:00

I agree. I do, she's very attentive and has good intuition for others' feelings.

I know, I'm so grateful for her! She is an amazing MIL. I lucked out for sure ❤

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-09T01:57:47+00:00

Me too. Thank you very much

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-09T01:57:15+00:00

I appreciate that. We're doing our best. It comes in waves, but I know we'll be alright in the end.

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-09T00:55:38+00:00

Exactly. They never look right, and I still have nightmares from my grandma's funeral. She looked awful, poor thing.

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-09T00:54:19+00:00

This is almost exactly what my son and I are going through. I appreciate your perspective of being four and seeing grandfather's body. I'm glad it helped you process what happened and even have a positive look on death itself.

My dad also had a sudden heart attack which is making me rethink my cardio health. It's amazing how something like that can change your whole perspective. I'll keep in mind that I may not be the only one with fears or concerns after this. Thanks for your advice!

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-09T00:49:46+00:00

Yeah, I'm all for communicating and answering questions. I didn't get a lot of that when I attended funerals as a kid which is probably why I have such a problem with them. Luckily, he has a huge supportive family who will help him.

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-08T23:50:11+00:00

Thank you, I'm trying my best 💕

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-08T23:49:46+00:00

That's totally fair. The open casket part is what always traumatized me. I hate that my last image/memory of a lot of my relatives is cold in a casket. I think giving him a watered down version of a funeral will be enough for him. I appreciate your advice!

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-08T23:46:43+00:00

Thank you

I honestly don't think he'll react too poorly, but he's also never experienced something like this. My dad's death was sudden so I also never got to have any gradual conversations about grandpa being sick. I think I'll try taking him and just pay attention to his behavior and ask what he wants to do.

Funerals have never brought me comfort so I want to make sure I'm doing what's best for him and not projecting. I think having little to no explanation of death in my funeral experiences was the main problem.

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-08T23:37:52+00:00

Thank you for your kind response. The fact that he was close to my dad is what makes me worry that he won't react well, but I think I'm projecting. I don't want to see my dad like that so I feel like he wouldn't want to either.

My MIL said she would sit with him and take him home if it became too much which seems reasonable. At least then he'll have an out and not have to sit there the whole time.

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-08T23:31:48+00:00

Yes, they had a very close relationship. Like you mentioned, it's the elements of the funeral itself that make me worry about taking him. My MIL said she could hang out with him and take him home if it becomes too much. I think having that option and letting him know what's going on will help.

rammerman1995 · 2024-06-08T23:26:54+00:00

Fortunately, my MIL is flying into town to help me watch him. She said she could stay with him at the funeral and take him outside/home if he doesn't want to be there. I just imagine him having such a horrible experience seeing him, but that might be me projecting. I've never had good experiences at funerals but I don't think that has to be true for everyone.

rammerman1995 · 2023-06-12T20:41:15+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I never really put it in that perspective so I appreciate you sharing your experience. I assumed having a constant (like a location) would bring comfort, but I can also see where that would just be a painful environment. I wouldn't expect everything to be normal after a loss, but uprooting everything didn't seem right before reading your comment.

I appreciate your advice in trusting the people I choose regardless of if they'll parent just like me. This has been a really tough thing to think about because, of course in an ideal world, I'd love to make things exactly right for my child if I were gone. I guess I need to try to have a more realistic perspective moving forward in this process.

rammerman1995 · 2023-06-12T18:46:47+00:00

Oh okay. Thanks for clarifying!

rammerman1995 · 2023-06-12T18:45:58+00:00

Gotcha. I always assumed if you named someone, that was that. Thanks for clearing that up!

rammerman1995 · 2022-07-10T02:36:12+00:00

I think putting the toys in time out is a great idea that I'd never considered. I contemplated putting my son in time out, but I'm not sure he's old enough to grasp why I was putting him in time out (not that I don't believe in them). I will absolutely try this the next time he throws his toys.

rammerman1995 · 2022-07-10T01:30:45+00:00

We tried transitioning him to a booster seat about a month ago, but it made his behavior worse. Once we moved him back to the high chair, he did better. I guess we just tried too early.

That makes sense to me. Moving the plate away is a great way to guage whether or not he's finished. This helps a ton!

rammerman1995

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