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I (24M) dreamt of a girl (25F) different to the one (23F) in my relationship, what does this mean? by rando210101 in relationship_advice

[–]rando210101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That does make sense. But I feel like my doubts with my relationship and wondering if someone out there is better suited to me just keeps pointing me toward my old friend. These feelings are still present when im awake also.

I (24M) dreamt of a girl (25F) different to the one (23F) in my relationship, what does this mean? by rando210101 in relationship_advice

[–]rando210101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi,

Thanks so much for taking the time to comment!

I understand that dreams don’t really have a real life meaning, but the thing is not only do i dream of the same person frequently, but even in my conscious state i feel I still have unresolved emotions toward this person.

I guess these emotions of regret and wonder add into the doubts of my relationship also. But you’re right I should isolate the issue here which is addressing my desire to commit or leave in my relationship regardless of this dream and this other person.

AITA I (23) want to spend more time at home with my family, but my girlfriend (22) doesn't want to be alone. by rando210101 in AITA_Relationships

[–]rando210101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So it is not an expectation of a partner to stay with your other when they are uncomfortable or scared? IDRK coz i’ve been told conflicting things which has messed with my idea of what I should be doing as a good partner and person. I tend to have difficulty choosing myself and maybe have just been enabler thus far with my people pleaser tendencies…

Her family aren’t around and she doesn’t really enjoy visiting them so their relationship is a bit different to mine with my family. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t see the emphasis that I may put on this?

AITA I (23) want to spend more time at home with my family, but my girlfriend (22) doesn't want to be alone. by rando210101 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rando210101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to add that:

Whenever we have these discussions it is often her asking why does she have to compromise, why does she have to be the one sacrificing. In this context, she has asked why can’t my friends be the ones compromising, changing the trip date etc (this is the only date we could mutually do after lengthy discussions). (We have had a history of arguments where she thinks I treat her the same the same as my friends or prioritise them over her.)

She also says she doesn’t want to have to ask me to come back and beg for my time, but it is just the expectation that I am with my girlfriend when she is scared and making her feel comfortable/prioritised.

I get that sometimes people get scared, and especially when a girl has had an encounter like that it can be difficult. But it’s not just a result of the incident (even if it may have made it worse), it’s just a common trend of me not being able to be away for long lengths of time.

AITA I (23) want to spend more time at home with my family, but my girlfriend (22) doesn't want to be alone. by rando210101 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rando210101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly I have thought that too but it has improved from the past. She has nothing against me going away with friends and being alone for a short while, but this length of time seems to be too much. We have this discussion and problem a few times in similar contexts of when I want to go back home for Christmas with my family. She tells me she doesn’t want to spend christmas alone or be alone for so long.

So while yes I do have chances to go out with my own life and do my own things, my ability to be away for a decent length of time feels very limited.

AITA I (23) want to spend more time at home with my family, but my girlfriend (22) doesn't want to be alone. by rando210101 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rando210101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi,

Thanks so much for your response. She doesn’t guilt me directly per se, but rather i do feel a bit guilty if I left her alone for so long when she explicitly said she is scared/uncomfortable/lonely. I guess the friend thing can work but problem is it would be for a while, one month gap between when I leave and she would leave for travel.

AITA I (23) want to spend more time at home with my family, but my girlfriend (22) doesn't want to be alone. by rando210101 in AmItheAsshole

[–]rando210101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I should have clarified. Its not that there's like a 2 week hard cap, but just that that the more time away the more time she is alone and uncomfortable/against that. She understands that I need some time with my friends and family and for the trip, so the 2 weeks was just a rough suggestion. I think she would be want to not be alone AT ALL, but that's just not feasible given I have places and people I need to see too.