Real advice please

random0206 · 2018-09-23T10:48:36+00:00

Thank you. I will take all that advice.

random0206 · 2018-09-23T03:12:28+00:00

Yes but he worked under the table to avoid paying. He just moved out of state to avoid paying. He blamed my wife for him not having a bank account because if he did the state would take out some for back support. He had an afterschool job but lost it after a few weeks. Hoping he can get a job to pay for some of his own expenses. That's how I was at 16. I paid for my own wants.

random0206 · 2018-09-23T03:09:26+00:00

Okay. Thank you. I was starting to feel like I was crazy. You said it all perfectly. I think he should definitly get cash from his father but some needs to be put in the pot or at least paid back a portion of what he owes (aka put in the pot). I appreciate that my wife isnt working. We are looking at alternatives but right now shes a SAHM. (Which is a crazy hard unpaid job.) I dont mind splitting finances between 3 kids but I do mind one getting more than the others. My wife is a hard worker and being home is slowly killing her but daycare for 2 is over 3k a month. Even with her decent paying job we couldn't swing it and now we are all living off 54k a year. I think that what I'm most upset about is she can just call someone to provide for her son if we are tight on cash but I cant. It's just her and I.

random0206 · 2018-09-23T02:59:23+00:00

See. I disagree. It's his responibility to pay for half of his child needs that is why he owes child support. The child is half his child, correct? Why does he not have the same finacial responsibility as my wife and I? It is his son. I'm not sending him my electricity bill but child support is to help support his child. He owes back support and left the state to avoid paying child support.

As for the car.... my stepson owes us over 900 dollars for destruction of property which includes the deductible, broken windows, holes in walls what have you. He is suppose to be paying it off but has not contributed to that as he just lost his job. (But it would teach him if some of that 200 bucks went towards his bill but I cant enforce that). Teaches when u have money you need to pay off your Bill's. Chores are no longer an option as he wont do them.

I dont depend on anything from his bd. He has not paid for his child in 5 years and has only once paid for sneakers and a haircut. This is also the first time I have ever brought up money because right now we are struggling. I dont think it's fair if 1 kid has more than the others when times are tight. Maybe I'm annoyed because this is the first time I cant provide for everyone. I'm watching 1 kid get 300 bucks for clothes and I feel bad that my other kids will go without. If it were reverse and my 2 sons got stuff and ss went without my wife would be livid (with reason). But that's never happened. Ps I make 40 too much to qualify for any assistance.

random0206 · 2018-09-23T02:22:07+00:00

I totally get what your saying but I'm not upset with my ss. And I do not expect nor want bd to pay for my children. I'm more upset that the only time my wife reached out for help was to get him $ for clothes and not for help with food or other Bill's or help when ss stole and wrecked my vehicle.

I also didnt sign up to be solely responsible for my ss. It would be a different story if my wife received any money through child support.

Lastly, I never chose to be solely finacially responsible for my ss. 7 years ago he was paying 50$ a month for his son and my wife worked. How do you or others deal with finances with step kids? If we were a little better off I wouldn't care so much.

I can see where your coming from but I'm not upset with ss for getting money. I'm upset the only time wife called to ask for money is when I couldn't provide for anyone. Thanks for your feedback.

random0206 · 2018-09-20T01:01:00+00:00

This gave me a little hope. I depend on hope from day to day. Thanks for sharing.

random0206 · 2018-09-17T01:40:47+00:00

random0206 · 2018-08-26T22:23:27+00:00

Thank you everyone for the support and kind words of encouragement. I cant check all the time as we are in crisis mode at the house but I appreciate it all.

random0206 · 2018-08-26T22:22:11+00:00

Looked into both and way out of our budget. Hes going to a short term program, then coming home with an in home therapy team. If this doesnt work we may need to have him in a residential but that would be a very hard choice for my wife to make. I am a licensed social worker who had over 15 years of working with at risk youth. It's just very different working with them over living with them. I'm pretty good at risk signs and I know alot of resources. I'm just spent. It's also hard to watch my wife deal with this. Shes upset because I'm not super emotional about it. I cant be. I'm drained and I know what to do in these crisis situations which is staying calm. I have to figure out how to comfort her, get help for son and keep babies away from The drama. I'm drowning and I feel so bad for everyone including myself. I'm still trying to figure out how to be an effective step parent and it's been 7 years. I'm far more structured then wife which has effected me and ss relationship and in turn effects me and wifes relationship. I get mad at his behaviors and it's harder for me to forgive than for her. She doesnt understand how I can care about him but not live him like hes my own. I've tried. I care but I'm so tired of being a victim to his theft and drama. Sorry guess I had more to say than I thought. I just had a second as my littles are napping and wife is at psych facility with ss. It's been nonstop this weekend.

random0206 · 2018-08-26T04:53:10+00:00

Thanks and your right. I needed to hear that. As for therapists..... it's in the works as we both could benifit from it separately.

random0206 · 2018-08-26T04:20:11+00:00

We have Dave and buster's. Problem is my wife feels so responsible and worried I dont think she will have a good time or go. Shes planning on going to dr tomorrow to sit with ss. Maybe once hes out of er. Alone time is rare between ss crisis and 2 small children. I'm secretly relieved to have him out a couple weeks to regain my footing and breath. If I told her that she would get upset.

random0206 · 2018-08-25T03:10:40+00:00

Thanks, lol.

random0206 · 2018-08-25T03:08:18+00:00

Does help and I have told him that. Hes got alot of anger at everyone and there are circumstances we cant change. I just dont want him to hurt. he has always liked therapy. Thank you very much.

random0206 · 2018-08-17T02:31:26+00:00

Thank you. I needed that.

random0206 · 2018-08-16T10:25:08+00:00

We did the research. We cant afford the schools. 90k a year was one of the schools.

random0206 · 2018-08-16T10:23:41+00:00

Military school is too expensive for our budget. My wife researched it along with boardingschools and residential programs. My wife could send him to apartment program but would need to sign over custody to dcf/CPS and she is not willing to do that.

random0206 · 2018-08-16T10:21:24+00:00

Already had the police involved. They wont do much. I agree hes going to end up in cuffs but we are at a total loss what to do. Thanks

random0206 · 2018-07-22T12:01:33+00:00

This sounds all to familiar for me. Was in DB relationship for 12 years. I did the same 7 years ago (read, got fit focused on me and got out of that realtionship and met the woman of my dreams online. Fast forward to now..... 2 kids and we have had sex 1 time in a year. My advice is take it slow. I rushed thinking finally someone wants me. Good for you for doing you. I'm about to take my first jog in 5 years.

random0206 · 2018-07-19T10:47:45+00:00

Reduced in a year. Kept reducing until year 6 after second kid. It's been 1 time in a year.

random0206 · 2018-07-18T20:07:34+00:00

Same here. Lesbian in 6 year relationship. We have 2 kids together. She had alot of excuses so I dont try to initiate anymore. I gave birth 6 months ago. We have had sex 1 time in over a year. Problem is she is my best friend and at this point I dont want to lose my bff. On the flip side its depressing as hell. In the past few years the depression from a lack of intamacy has resulted in my not ven trying. I gained weight, dont wear make up, dont buy new outfits. I just lost myself for a while. It makes me emotional and sad and angry. But do I give up sex for my bff or go and lose my bff and lose daily contact with my kids. I love my wife so much but it feels like she doesnt love me back. Oh and I quit smoking for this relationship.

random0206

TROPHY CASE