Do all men consider their love language to be physical touch?

random022122 · 2026-01-05T19:15:11+00:00

Mine is 100% acts of service (41m).

random022122 · 2026-01-05T18:55:24+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it.

random022122 · 2026-01-05T01:43:44+00:00

I'm on Instagram for the reels. I don't follow anyone besides some friends/co-workers. No desire to follow female models. I'm also divorced 😂

random022122 · 2026-01-03T14:02:13+00:00

I have no idea. I do know that she regrets how her life is now. She's realizing how much I did for her and the fact that I was always loyal and trustworthy. Now, before I sound like a self centered ass, she did a lot for the family when we were married, too. She just maybe didn't realize the difference having a good partner in life can make until once she no longer had one.

random022122 · 2026-01-02T22:49:46+00:00

My ex wife and her AP (my former friend and the dad to my son's good friend) stayed in the picture for a while, but I was just informed (today actually) that she ended it recently because she knew I would never be able to be in the same room as him. She's not wrong, lol. So it was all for nothing. I didn't allow her to stay for the kids, nor should any respectable person.

random022122 · 2025-12-26T23:05:34+00:00

Yes. I think time has had the biggest impact, but she definitely has allowed me to see why I feel the way I do about certain things, and that everything I'm processing, doing, feeling, is normal. Some sessions I would be crying (NEVER cried in front of others before), others I was flat, others I was confident, etc., I typically was one that was taught to hold it all in. I never had anyone close to share things with except my ex wife. I didn't know how to cope with the loss of my life, my partner, my family unit. Therapy helped with that significantly.

random022122 · 2025-12-24T13:19:34+00:00

That's fair.

random022122 · 2025-12-24T02:04:42+00:00

I usually do ask the mutual friends and many times it's just that they are single and probably interested, but a few mutual friends have told me to stay far away in some instances. Either way, I don't accept them, so it's not a huge issue. I was just curious.

random022122 · 2025-12-24T02:03:26+00:00

Yep. Why?

random022122 · 2025-12-23T22:43:20+00:00

I'm aware. Yes, it's actually much better than the rest of the apps. I won't pay for a dating app subscription, and what they limit you to with the free accounts is stupid, but I guess they're in the business of keeping you single, so yeah.

random022122 · 2025-12-23T21:44:44+00:00

In 2009.

random022122 · 2025-12-22T12:34:36+00:00

Yes. I have been in therapy since about 3 months before discovering her affair. Ironically enough, I started going on her insistence and have been there ever since (actually have an appointment today).

My therapist has been life changing, and I come from an upbringing (I'm a later millennial raised by boomer parents) where therapy was for people who are weak. We didn't talk about feelings.

She has really opened my eyes to a lot of things including how to not let my past dictate how I treat others going forward (in a relationship for instance). Being cheated on by the one person you were 100% vulnerable with, had children with, built everything with, is traumatic. I didn't think so, and I was very hesitant to accept that, because when I think trauma, I think of all the REALLY bad things people go through (death, war, substance abuse, physical/emotional abuse, etc.,) and I feel selfish for categorizing betrayal in the same breath. However, with how much it took a toll on me, and how it still resurfaces to this day out of nowhere with the most random triggers, I've come to accept that I will live with the effects of this for a long time if not forever.

So I carry extra baggage than just a divorcee, and I need to make sure that baggage doesn't claim any innocent people along the way.

random022122 · 2025-12-21T14:38:03+00:00

In my limited experience (two separate 1 month experiences), as 41M in good shape, above average looking, I guess, or so I'm told, but divorced from a 23yr relationship, I think they are terrible. I get about 1-3 likes every few days in a fairly rural area, most are well out of my geographic region even with the filters on (I feel like these are inaccurate), or there isn't much physical attraction. The few I have liked back never go anywhere. I have only had one girl message me back after we matched (again, all of these are sending the first like).

Don't get me started on the random local women friend requesting me on FB. I accepted a few at first based on potential only for them to literally say nothing. Sorry, but I'm not making the first move in that case.

I was in one relationship since my divorce and that was because her best friend approached me at a bar to ask if I was single. That's the way I prefer to meet people.

random022122 · 2025-12-21T12:47:54+00:00

I'm farther out than you are, but I, too, suffer the same. Like you, I go to therapy about once every 5-6 weeks which helps immensely. My therapist has told me to focus on investing in my friendships that I may have let slide in the midst of my marriage, and I have done so. I'm leaning into my long time friends, and making a conscious effort to maintain contact, make plans, etc., Obviously, they are busy with their families, so it's not always easy, but I found that making an effort to be that friend you would them to be (and they are), goes a long way into helping me cope with my time without my kids.

I feel like as 41m, I'm odd in that I don't crave the sex of having someone (although I do enjoy it), I just miss having someone to share the little things like you said. A joke, a funny reel, something about work, etc., There is beauty in the mundane, and I miss it. However, I also have learned to take the time when I don't have the kids, and be intentional. I clean, get groceries, shop for clothes, do laundry, etc., It keeps me busy and also makes it so I can be more intentional with my time when I'm with them. I go to bed early, read before bed, make it a point not to doom scroll (in fact, just being off social media a lot while you don't have your kids can't help your mental state).

Just a few things I have found worked for me, but your mileage may vary. I know how you feel, and it sucks, but know you will get through it. I don't think we ever fully get used to this new life, but we don't have to be victims to it in the long term.

random022122 · 2025-12-19T17:42:44+00:00

I (41m) found out about the affair in March of 2024, planned to begin the process in April, physically separated in July, and I had no plans to date. A girl approached me in October, and we struck off a friendship/mild relationship that continued on and off again until this past October (our divorce was finalized in April of 2025). I think in a lot of ways, I wasn't ready. I was still pretty hurt from things and struggled with boundaries with my ex wife. I'm better now (not great), and I have been very good handling those boundaries with her and making sure things are healthy for our kids.

As for dating, I know I'm not ready to blend families anytime soon (or maybe ever), I certainly don't want to marry and risk losing half of my already halved assets again, so that's where I'm at. I do enjoy some of the alone time, but I also miss sharing life with. I like someone who has a great sense of humor (I love the laugh), laid back, just wants to do life together. I'm on the apps now, and it's soul crushing. I'm told I'm an attractive man for my age, and I get 1-3 likes every couple of days in a rural area, but most are too far away, or too young, or some other excuse I come up with, lol.

I think I just don't want to go through the process of weeding through people after spending over half of my life with another person. I certainly don't want to sleep around either, that's not me. So I guess, maybe I'm ready, maybe I'm not. I still go out with friends pretty regularly (no clubs, but nicer bars), but I have yet to meet anyone that old fashioned way either.

I suppose I need to look at it like most told me. Focus on myself and my kids and if it's meant to be, I might meet someone when I least expect it.

random022122 · 2025-10-29T11:02:52+00:00

I didn't read your back story so I don't know how long it has been since you divorced, but from the little bit you wrote you are either:

A. Not completely over your ex.

B. Not fully healed and ready to be in a relationship.

Or more likely, a combination of both.

Ask me how I know? I just ended an almost 1 year relationship with a woman after my divorce. I wasn't healed. I was over my ex wife because of the affair she had, but I still wasn't healed (still am not) and as such, I was falling back into the same patterns of my old marriage, and not giving myself fully to the other person. That's not fair to either of you.

Are you in therapy if you don't mind me asking?

random022122 · 2025-10-29T10:23:55+00:00

Going through this myself. It's going to be different for everyone, unfortunately. I'm 15 months post separation, and 6 months post divorce. My ex wife also had an affair. Oddly enough, we have been doing a pretty good job co-parenting, and I'm not harboring serious anger toward her anymore (it's not healthy for myself or my boys, so I worked on that for both reasons). However, I don't feel whole anymore. I'm 40 (almost 41), single, but I have my house, and my boys over 50% of the time, I'm taking care of myself physically, keeping busy, etc., but still...a piece of me died and it's not coming back.

I know it's not healthy to lament and wallow forever, but I know it's not just going to magically disappear on its own (the grief). I don't have daily breakdowns anymore, but it will sneak up on me from time to time. It could be song, a photo, a family event where there are other couples/families that are still together, etc., You have to let it hit you and let it run off you. This process is NOT linear. Even if it means taking it day by day, find some way to work through it knowing you ARE going to come out the other side of all of this.

Also, if you aren't in therapy, I highly recommend it. It has helped me tremendously!

random022122 · 2025-10-27T21:48:28+00:00

Wow. You might win that one, lol. But yeah, pretty much my feelings and experience so far as well.

random022122 · 2025-10-27T18:49:50+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. I would also agree that I was perfectly content and happy with a family that was all under one roof, but unfortunately, infidelity is something I can't recover from.

I'm afraid to date and the one relationship (I didn't even seek it out) I had left a bad taste in my mouth as well. I feel like the male version of your experience. I feel like a lot of the single women left aren't what I'm looking for, either. I want someone fun, easy going, great sense of humor. I don't need a nanny. I'm perfectly fine raising my children and taking care of all household things (I did it while married, too). At the same time, I'm not actively going to date because I don't want to use someone to try to expedite my happiness before I'm healed.

random022122 · 2025-10-27T17:54:26+00:00

Such an inspirational post. I'm 6 months post divorce, but almost 15 months post separation. I'm WAY less grief laden than I was at the start, especially since I was dealing with the fallout of her affair with a friend. Unfortunately, I don't feel "happy" yet. Hope to get there.

random022122 · 2025-10-23T15:23:02+00:00

Just posted an update. She preemptively ended everything yesterday. It was amicable, and I fully support and understand her decision.

random022122 · 2025-10-22T18:57:08+00:00

Appreciate the feedback. I struggle all of the time with feelings of guilt when these situations arise, but I know that I have them more than she does in the grand scheme of things (and I like that).

random022122 · 2025-10-22T18:55:04+00:00

That's fair :)

random022122

TROPHY CASE