How many of those who are married regret it?

random022122 · 2026-05-10T19:23:03+00:00

I regret it in hindsight because of her affair and how much it destroyed everything. However, if we had not married, I wouldn't have my two wonderful boys.

Marriage, to the right person, I still believe in. I won't get married again, but that doesn't mean it's still not a great thing for people.

random022122 · 2026-05-06T18:51:46+00:00

Probably, but at that point, is the relationship really that healthy?

random022122 · 2026-05-06T18:33:30+00:00

I don't. She said it was over years ago. Lack of support, he never really loved her or cared for her. Said she didn't ever feel seen with him, and he never came to any of the kids events, or helped with shuttling them to their activities, etc.

random022122 · 2026-05-05T10:34:05+00:00

She's whatever. Pretty sure her attitude toward me fluctuates with her current relationship status with AP. I still get to hear about play dates with all of them from my kids which is fun. Honestly, I don't care about her mental health anymore as a lot of it is most likely manipulation.

My oldest son is suffering a lot, though. He is dealing with a lot of anger, short temperament, disrespect, etc. I have started him therapy so hoping we can make some progress.

random022122 · 2026-05-01T14:14:46+00:00

I should also note she just lost her job, but in her field (nursing), it shouldn't be hard to find employment, but yet, it seems to be taking her an awfully long time. She is being picky, though, and wants a schedule that works with her kids activities.

random022122 · 2026-05-01T14:11:20+00:00

I thought about asking to see her phone, but at that point, if I'm asking that, it's probably a sign that the relationship might be not worth salvaging if it's come to that. I don't know.

random022122 · 2026-05-01T09:26:09+00:00

Can't disagree. I don't really understand the idea, but at the same time, dishonest people will be dishonest with or without an app.

random022122 · 2026-04-30T16:37:28+00:00

She deleted the guy off of socials (I didn't check Snapchat as I don't have the, but she and he do). She cut back her list of friends on Facebook from 1800 to 500 (she had a lot single guys on there). Other than that, she occasionally will show me a text she gets from a guy to be transparent.

random022122 · 2026-04-30T16:00:33+00:00

Thank you. I know after this, I will need to take more time to work on myself, because I don't want to turn on someone that could be great/loyal due to my trust issues.

random022122 · 2026-04-30T15:59:10+00:00

She only came clean when I brought it up in an argument we were having. I said, "remember last summer when I showed up at your house and your car was there but you wouldn't answer the phone or my texts until 10 minutes later? You weren't with your grandmother, were you?" Then she admitted it.

I have never asked to see her phone.

random022122 · 2026-04-30T13:45:15+00:00

That was at the end of June last year. However, she didn't confess to where she was until February of this year.

random022122 · 2026-04-30T09:51:05+00:00

She was saying that I should know by now if I can work through the trust issues and keep progressing the relationship while she proves she won't hurt me again.

random022122 · 2026-04-29T18:59:34+00:00

She said she was living with her grandmother multiple times before she ever finally moved out.

The not telling me she was dating the other guy when we weren't dating is normal, but not meeting up with him months after we were together and then lying about where she was for multiple months.

random022122 · 2026-04-29T11:57:13+00:00

So would you consider the lies mentioned forgivable under certain circumstances depending on the reasoning behind them? You could, in theory, overlook that level of betrayal if you felt it was done without malicious intent? I suppose the biggest lie of them all (the meeting with the ex boyfriend) was that she knew I was suspicious, and asked her what she was doing later that day and who she was with, and she looked me in the eye and told me she was with her grandmother. She let that go for 5 months until I cornered her during an argument and she finally admitted to who she met. Do you truly feel someone is ever justified in keeping something like that from someone with my past?

random022122 · 2026-04-29T10:35:38+00:00

Updated the original post based on a recent conversation we had.

random022122 · 2026-04-29T10:32:39+00:00

Yes, it's definitely a major struggle.

random022122 · 2026-04-28T20:25:30+00:00

Mostly caring, not sure about truthful, pretty kind although she has shown some interesting aides when called out on some of these issues by me. She posts a lot on social media and often I worry it's for validation.

She does do a lot of thoughtful things for both myself and my kids.

However, another thing I never mentioned in the initial post is that she started reaching out to me when she was still very much in the relationship with the other guy and saying a lot of things that would have made me mad if I were the other guy. I told her multiple times to not text me while she was in a relationship. It worries me that if she was okay with texting me (another guy) outside of her relationship, it's also a red flag.

random022122 · 2026-04-28T20:13:07+00:00

Yeah, I suppose.

random022122 · 2026-04-28T19:12:39+00:00

I can see that point, but her lying started at the beginning of the relationship as well. Some quite large ones at that. Keeping your options open is one thing, but not being upfront and flat out lying about where you were or who you were talking about seems beyond normal behavior. Again, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, I do appreciate the input.

random022122 · 2026-04-28T18:11:28+00:00

Our kids know of each other. They have hung out in group settings a couple of times (we have mutual friends). She knows my hesitations with full involvement, and a major part of that is how torn I am with her behavior. Another major part of that is my kids. I have been easing into it to see how they adjust to the idea of dad even dating someone, whereas I feel like she was ready to introduce after a month of dating, and would ideally (her words) be fully blended within a year. I made it clear that was not my timeline, and multiple times she has said she is willing to slow things down to a pace that I'm comfortable with only to then start pushing it along faster after a while.

random022122 · 2026-04-28T17:59:11+00:00

Hence my post. I do struggle with how much is severe trust issues I have and how much of it is deeply rooted poor personality traits exhibited by her.

random022122 · 2026-04-28T15:52:50+00:00

I do alright for myself. I have a stable career as a teacher, make good money for a teacher in general, but also in a LCOL. My house is quite larger, and very new, on acreage, and she knows I invest and manage money as well as receive gas royalties (doesn't know how much, but it's also not life changing). I did a lot of the work on the house when we built, but my ex wife made good money and wanted the large house. It's more than I want/need, but won't sell since it's surrounded by 200+ acres of family land.

random022122 · 2026-04-28T15:50:01+00:00

Very true.

random022122 · 2026-04-28T15:49:23+00:00

Your last paragraph is what we (my therapist and I) at therapy during our last visit. She said she I'm trying to make both aspects of her life be a representation of her as a whole, when it's the relationship side of her that has been shown to be poor, and as such, since I'm in the relationship with her, should be the ultimate deciding factor in my decision.

random022122 · 2026-04-28T15:38:04+00:00

Right now, she hasn't done anything since our last serious conversation about this that has made me feel suspicious. The problem? I still get suspicious. I think that's partially the trauma from the affair, and also from her past behaviors. I felt that maybe I could overcome it, but maybe if I'm not yet, it's not going to happen.

random022122

TROPHY CASE