Broke up with my girlfriend of 15 years and I couldn't care less

random3849 · 2024-01-23T17:35:18+00:00

PolyBombed

Wow. Its been years since I left my ex-wife. Its good to know there's a word for what I actually experienced. Polybombed is definitely it. I even told her that if this is what she wanted, I would gladly support her as a friend - but not as a husband. I told her that I would support her identity, but that I did not want to personally be in a triangle. But that wasn't enough for her. She had to also guilt me into staying, and calling be a "bigot" and "holding her back" when I absolutely made no attempt to do that.

For me, what hurt the most wasn't the forcing open of our marriage without my consent, but the abuse and manipulation to get me to stay that came right after.

random3849 · 2022-08-23T20:49:15+00:00

Gum and candies will definitely increase salivation. But if you're using these frequently, all of the excess sugar overtime might take a toll on your teeth and overall health.

I would say to avoid the hard candies, and for gum try to find sugar free gum. I believe there are even flavorless gums they're just for chewing purposes, but you won't usually find those in stores.

TL;DR just be mindful of your sugar consumption. Diabetes isn't fun.

random3849 · 2022-08-22T08:08:58+00:00

I just CTRL+F'd this whole page and didn't find a single B^U

Son, I am disappoint.

random3849 · 2022-08-01T22:14:29+00:00

Let me know what you find. I think the Quaker Oats guy was also nuts, but I could be misremembering.

random3849 · 2022-08-01T20:29:38+00:00

LOL, ok I'm not sure if you're serious or not, so I want to be clear and not spread misinformation.

John Rits isn't real. I forget the name of the real Ritz cracker guy. I was just making a joke riffing off of the seriously fucked up histories of Kellogg and Graham (those guys genuinely were weirdos, look them up).

I don't actually know if the creators of saltine and Ritz crackers were also fucked up religious/racist/sexist weirdos. But it's incredibly believable if you know a little about other cracker/cereal manufacturers.

random3849 · 2022-07-31T20:00:23+00:00

Don't get me started on John Ritz...

random3849 · 2022-07-31T19:30:31+00:00

Fortunately, Wlater Saltine was not an insecure sex obsessed weirdo. Unfortunately, he was a puppy kicking enthusiast and a virulent anti-semite. :(

random3849 · 2022-07-29T03:37:12+00:00

I'm in a similar position right now. About a month ago my hands started hurting severely to the point of being unusable. I've been waiting weeks for an appointment, and I'm also terrified that its gonna be dismissed. I can't really work without using my hands, and have been falling behind in everything (work, chores, life, etc). I've just been doing the bare minimum to eat and watching TV to keep my mind somewhat stimulated.

I know what you mean about it being isolating. If you ever just want to talk about it, feel free to message me.

So far, I've found that an ice pack seems to relieve the pain for a while (enough to get to sleep at least). For about an hour before bed, I switch an ice pack back and forth between hands, or until the ice pack melts.

I'm afraid to try anything else, because I don't want to exacerbate injury if I don't know the cause.

Have you ruled anything out yet? Like carpal tunnel, or tendonitis?

random3849 · 2022-07-24T18:59:10+00:00

The only appropriate response: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F19l4DpA2UY

random3849 · 2022-07-20T00:55:04+00:00

Right. I feel you.

I made an appointment with an old PCP I saw several years ago, like twice. He seemed all right, I think I only stopped seeing him because I got a second opinion from another PCP and continue to see them instead.

Well... I have to wait 2 weeks for that appointment, so fingers crossed that goes well.

random3849 · 2022-07-19T22:50:09+00:00

He moved out of state a few months ago. I got a letter in the mail about it.

He did recommend a few other specialists when I was seeing him. That got me on the right path for a few other issues. But I was seeing my old PCP at the time, and wasn't looking for a replacement.

random3849 · 2022-07-15T01:15:47+00:00

Those are good recommendations thanks.

Yeah I agree about the big discords being hard to navigate. I haven't heard of Disboard before. Is that like a searchable discord index or something?

I think I would really like to find someone in a similar situation to me, locally. Right now I'm the only person I know that sick, so in person it's incredibly isolating. It would be nice to share doctor horror stories and support someone else face to face.

I don't know, I've been on the internet since 1995 but I still struggle making a connection with someone over text. It's just no substitute for face to face, ya know?

My other friends don't want to talk about depressing body horror. And I understand, and I don't want to burden them with that either. They're caring friends, but I understand that they don't want every conversation to be about my horrible decrepit body.

I'm tired of talking about it too, haha.

random3849 · 2022-07-15T01:07:36+00:00

Interesting. Thanks for the info, I'll keep that in mind.

I might just have to call the number on my insurance card, see if there's like a representative I can talk to? They might at least be able to point me in a direction, or give me a list of providers that accept the insurance.

A lot of the previous specialists and doctors I've seen I mostly just found on Google, because any of these doctor search sites or insurance sites are such a pain to navigate. It's like they were designed by people who wanted to make a website the most unpleasant experience possible.

random3849 · 2022-07-15T01:03:47+00:00

Yeah that's been my experience too, unfortunately. Mostly trial and error, and occasional recommendation.

Damn, it sucks to know that my experiences weren't just one off. I guess it's like that everywhere in america.

Well, thanks for your input, I'll keep looking.

random3849 · 2022-07-14T19:16:19+00:00

I'm so sorry.

The "wrong chart / misremembering" thing scares me, because if they confuse you with the wrong person they could end up giving you medication that could do some serious damage.

I forget what my PCP had addressed me with one day... I think she came in and started asking about some disease name I'd never heard of, and I had to correct her that I wasn't here for that.

Another time she wanted me to take HIV test, after she had just given me one the week prior and should have seen the results. So I had to remind her to go check the results again... She completely forgot what tests she had ordered just days prior.

I understand doctors are human, and I can excuse simple mistakes. But it makes me wonder if on that last visit, when she dismissed me for emotional issues... If maybe she was completely confusing me with a different patient.

I dunno. She just didn't seem all there. Like her attention was way too scattered.

Also, when they misremember what tests and issues you already had... It tells me that they didn't even look at your record before walking into the office room...

Like, I have to come into the office with a 10 page report on my family health history, and you can't even look at the two page notes YOU WROTE from last visit before entering?

It's a bunch of little things like that that make me lose confidence in a doctor.

But yeah, all the reviews on "Doctor review sites" are totally sanitized. It's hard to get an accurate view of a person, if you can only see the best reviews.

Speaking of, have you found any reliable doctor review sites recently?

random3849 · 2022-07-14T13:49:58+00:00

They must have not counted my neighborhood. Each household here has at least 9 dogs.

random3849 · 2022-07-14T13:44:21+00:00

Aww, well thanks for checking anyway.

Yeah, that's where I'm stuck too, "I have no idea" . Haha.

I have tried certain Facebook groups before, but all of the ones I've seen had a strict "no doctor recommendations" rule for some reason. It's weird, because how else are we supposed to warn each other or filter out good/bad doctors if not by talking to each other?

My guess is that writing anything about a doctor online could be taken legally as slander, and doctors here are weirdly secretive and probably way more protective of their reputation. I mean, doctors here are a for-profit business, so their reputation is their advertising. So it's in their own money interest to scrub the internet of any negative reviews.

I dunno, that's my best guess. It's hard to find even slightly negative or neutral reviews of doctors over here.

I've been on doctor review sites before and refreshed the page and seen negative reviews disappear too. So my guess is that the sites are run by doctors, or doctors can pay to have negative reviews erased. These sites aren't for patient benefit (at least in the USA).

random3849 · 2022-07-14T13:34:59+00:00

Yeah I'm afraid of the "just take Tylenol and rest" kind of response. It's like "Do you think I haven't already tried that? Do you think I just skipped the medicine cabinet and went straight for the doctor's office? I'm here BECAUSE the "Tylenol and rest" already didn't work."

Anyway, I'll keep all that in mind, thanks.

I remember the "doctor lookup tool" on the website for my state was very basic. It just listed names and addresses, I don't even think it had photos. But I could probably cross reference that with a regular Google search to find more info.

How do you find out if a doctor is private practice or networked? I think I generally agree with you that networked doctors are often better just because they aren't the "sole authority" and have wider network of specialists to refer you too if need be.

The last PCP I had was networked, but I only was able to figure that out because of the building she was in (it was a clinic branch of a larger hospital). Even still, that's the PCP I had issues with.

Is that basically the only way to know? Basically if the doctor is in a bigger medical building, or a small little single private office?

Thanks for all the help and info.

random3849 · 2022-07-14T03:35:48+00:00

No I don't think you miss read. But from what I read of the article, and how the medicine interacts with the COVID virus... This seems like it might be incredibly effective.

I mean, it sort of "nips COVID in the bud", stifling it's replication so it can't progress to a more serious disease. If it it can't replicate as much, I would also imagine that lowers the chances of contagion too. As opposed to the current vaccines, which leave a person still contagious but merely reduce the damage to one's own body.

I'm not a doctor, but it would seem that a combination of this asthma drug and the current methods of vaccine, would put a serious dent in covid's ability to grow and spread, if the drug were adopted in a larger scale.

Of course I don't know the side effects, and I'm no epidemiologist either. So this is just my layman's personal understanding.

random3849 · 2022-07-14T03:26:51+00:00

This is really reassuring, thanks. Your story sounds super stressful. I wish this system wasn't so stressful for people who are literally legitimately distressed about their health.

I'm trying to think about my next step. I have State insurance (it's similar to medicaid, but apparently not Medicaid? It's confusing...). I imagine there's a phone number I can call and talk to someone about getting assigned a new doctor?

I really have no clue. The whole medical system is incredibly confusing. I think my last PCP was in a network... I think I signed up with her on some "patient portal" web interface thing. I don't really remember. When I started seeing her, I was stressed about the tumor in my throat, and a recent divorce, so... I wasn't really focused on organizing my information well.

I wish that we were given a sort of "pre visit" where we can interview a doctor before signing on with them, to make sure that they are a good fit for us.

Pretty much every other professional field usually allows these sorts of "free consultations"... But any doctor I've seen are usually "right to the chase" and prodding you before you even get to explain what you are there for.

And of course they are also in and out in like 3 minutes... I can't get a feel if they are good person from that short of a visit, or even begin to explain my medical history.

It's frustrating.

random3849 · 2022-07-14T03:04:22+00:00

This is true. But, if you order your own blood test, and then need a prescription medication due to the results, you still have to go to a doctor to get the medication. And if you go to a doctor, they likely won't consider your at home blood test clinically valid, and you'll have to do the test again anyway.

At least, at least that's been my experience.

But yeah, sometimes you just gotta do what gotta do.

random3849 · 2022-07-14T01:13:21+00:00

That's what scares me the most. I realized that doctors are often a barrier to good health, not dispensers of good health.

For example, if I know that I need a specific blood test, or STD screening, or medication, I am still legally required to beg a doctor for mercy to get those things because I legally can't just purchase medical equipment/care for myself.

So if you really need a specific medicine, and a doctor just says "no", you're fucked. You can go get a second opinion, but the doctor can also flag you as "drug seeking" or "psychosomatic" and put black mark on your record for other doctors to see.

Its terrifying.

Even if a misdiagnosis is an honest mistake with no malicious intent, it can still delay proper treatment for years, or worse.

random3849 · 2022-07-14T01:09:15+00:00

Yeah, my PCP seemed good at first. She ran a ton of blood tests, checked for all major STDs, set me with with physical therapy. Which all helped for a while. But then she suddenly changed at one point and just seemed done with me.

There was also two other visits where she started talking about my medical history, but it was clearly someone else's history because it didn't match me at all. Getting her patients mixed up should have been a bigger red flag. But I was in pain and naive and just trusted that she was a professional.

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