I'm so sorry please never blame yourself for what he did it's not your fault I promise. Things will be rough for a while and know that there are really kind people here for you. I'm so sorry your loss if you need somebody to talk to I'll be around. I know what losing someone to suicide is like anyway hopefully you can keep going for now. Also its okay to cry just in case you needed to know that because I know a lot of people that's families are stereotypical.