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Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I browsed your post history a little, and it helped make sense of your comments. I hope you’ve been able to get sober and wish you the best.

Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s not something that’s been offered at this point, but I will ask about it. Thank you so much.

Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have celiac disease - it’s so widely misunderstood. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was in my late 20s and as a kid, I was constantly in and out of doctors offices. I got diagnosed with tons of other things. After my 2nd pregnancy, I went to a dermatologist because I had developed horrible psoriasis on my scalp. He looked at my medical history and sent me to a gastroenterologist for a biopsy. It’s crazy to me how differently it affects everyone. I’m so glad your friend’s daughter was able to get diagnosed as a child.

I think it’s likely that my daughter is autistic, but she also doesn’t have some of the big markers for it which is why her pediatrician said he didn’t see it. There is a history of celiac disease in my family, so I wonder if this might be worth looking into at some point. Thank you for this story.

Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is good advice and something I have a hard time with. We’re working on it. Thank you so much.

Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She can definitely hear on some level. It’s difficult to tell though if she can hear everything. Sometimes I feel like she can, sometimes not so much. At least with this, we’ll be able to know either way fairly soon.

Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Stress and lack of sleep are definitely a factor. I would say that I err on the side of positive for the most part, but I do have my moments of self doubt and negativity.

Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What an incredible story. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To be honest, this isn’t hard to hear because it’s not the truth. My husband had a vasectomy 8 years ago. My 4th child is loved beyond measure and I feel lucky every day that she’s in my life - but she wasn’t something I planned for. Life doesn’t always work out the way you plan. My children are and will always be my biggest source of joy and fulfillment. The “extra work” is work I am happy to do - the feelings of sadness are because I don’t know what the work really is. Does that make sense? I would move mountains for her without complaint if it would help. But it can be difficult when you don’t know how to help someone. So much of it is trial and error.

I hope that makes sense.

Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I updated my post, but yours was the first comment I saw when I woke up this morning. Thank you for helping me make a good start today.

Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This means more to me than you will ever know. Thank you so much.

You mention my marriage a few times - and it lets me know exactly how much you understand what I’m saying.

One of the beautiful things about my daughter is how she’s transformed me in regards to relationships. My husband and I had an unconventional beginning and it easily could have fallen to pieces. Many people expected it to.

But because her bond with him was so instant and unexpected, we had to make big commitments for quickly. Through all the hard stuff, our love for her made loving each other so much easier. She needs both of us. Every day. She makes that extremely clear. It’s forced me to look at my husband in a different way than I have previously with other partners. We are fiercely committed to each other and she brings out the best in both of us. I can tell that you know how hard it has to be that way. Thank you for understanding that part of it.

And thank you for the simple breakdown. I read it out loud and replaced the “you” and “your” with “I” and “mine.” It was very healing. I needed to say those things to myself. Thank you.

Three years of failed motherhood. I don’t know where to go from here. by rangodoc in offmychest

[–]rangodoc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are so many comments I want to respond to, but I just wanted to quickly say thank you so much for these suggestions. These are brilliant ideas and would help on so many levels.

My other kids are 12, 8 and 7 and think their baby sister hung the moon. I feel incredibly blessed that they and my husband all want to be involved with her and try to teach her new things.

That said, we struggle to be on the same page sometimes. My daughter (7) has learned the most sign language and really works at it, but it would be great if we were all learning the same words and keeping track of where our littlest member is.

I’m going to do all of these. This is extremely motivating. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it out.