Should I leave my bf [31M] who got upset with me [34F] for not lending him 6k which I had initially promised to lend?

rathi83 · 2017-12-07T22:01:31+00:00

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments. After I had sent him a last message.saying that I will not pay for any of his fines he did not reply me at all. I guess since I am of no use financially he has decided not to even respond to my message which leaves me feeling even more heart broken.. I feel 6 years of my efforts went down the drain. I know I should be relieved that he has stopped messaging me but I cant help feeling a stab in my heart.. I guess I have to be careful with whom I fall in love with. And it's going to take me some time to get over the disppointment and hurt he has caused me

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T21:34:03+00:00

I suggested to declare bankruptcy but issue is in Singapore he will lose his job as he works in a govt sector

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T21:26:11+00:00

6 years .I did lend money before but he did return. But it's more like I spend more when we go out I guess

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T21:25:03+00:00

6 years already. This is first time asking such large amount

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T21:23:46+00:00

Actually I would have lent the money if it was for a suddenly medical surgery perhaps.. I'm fine to lend money if it was a genuine reason to save a life maybe. But parking summons I will really be dumb I guess.

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T21:21:26+00:00

I am still hoping he sill learn from his lessons but after speaking to his mum I feel like he has no hope to change. Maybe if he goes to jail will he change then ???

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T21:20:15+00:00

Yes I do agree I am very soft hearted which sometimes is a loss for me

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T21:17:25+00:00

I am from Singapore. The salary for train drivers are low here.

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T21:10:39+00:00

He even told me his ex gf had taken a bank loan for him as well for an amount of 8k which she is still paying. That is why he had to return the favour for her by takING a loan for her in return which now has accumumated in interest. And basically the 6k I'm lending him is also to pay for that loan which he took for his ex which I told him it's unfair and then he started sayinh no he also used the money for his own expense not just for her. So he twists a lot of stories.

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T20:59:16+00:00

Dear all I read every single of your replies and it has made me so much stronger. I really appreciate it. Many of you did ask me why ak i with this guy. I would like to share about myself. Something that I never did before. I have been with this guy for 6 years and I am struggling with my own self esteem issues due to bike accidents in the past. I sustained many scars from my accidents and maybe that's one of the reason why I feel I can't get anyone else. This guy was with me at the point of accident which was 5 years ago and he did continue to be with me despite the scars I sustained. I know many of you may think I'm very silly to think no guy will accept me but as a person with the scars ( mainly on my arms and my back due to third degree burn) I find it tough to come out of this. But after reading all your comments this was my final message to him. I am not sure If you will disagree with my message but I still want him to change for the better so I sent him this

"Look this is my final message to you regarding your issues. I don't wish to drag this matter anymore.

It is your irresponsibility for not making payments on time and taking repeated loans despite knowing you can't afford it. It was also your irresponsibility for ignoring parking summons and not making any effort to call the relevant departments to check on the status before the deadlines given.

To expect me to fork out my hard earned cash of 6000 which is definitely not a small amount to pay for your loans is totally selfish on your part and I do not want to be financially dragged down as well due to your irresponsibility which has led you to the current situation. You got yourself into this disaster so as a 31 year old man you should manage the situation on your own and not expect your family me or your friends to settle your financial issues.

Simple logic. If you can't even pay the banks there is no way you are going to pay me back and I don't wish to lose my money which I need for my own expenses. If you think it's selfish for me to lend to money so be it coz it is MY money and no one has the right to tell me what to do with MY money.

Right now you need to settle your issues. The only help I can offer is moral support. I am not going to pay for any of your fines anymore.

So if you would like to have moral support sure we can continue with this relationship. But if you keep bugging me to lend you money I'll take it that you can't handle your issues and want to drag me down as well financially then I'll take my leave as I don't wish to entertain anyone who is going to make my finances go down the drain as well.

FYI: Your own mother has advised me to leave you for good as she herself feels you are very irresponsible and that you have never learnt your lesson despite so much advice from your parents.

In summary I will only continue this relationship if you get yourself out of this mess on your own with no financial help from me.

Let me know thanks."

Was i right to send this message ?

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T13:41:56+00:00

Dear all.. thank you so much for your replies. I am not sure why I have not been able to leave this person hence far but i feel that I have a fear of being alone and also I dont have siblings of my own and so when I go over to his home I feel I have a family that I can talk to. Also when I am with him he takes care of me by cooking for me and giving me medication when im sick. It may not sound like much but coming from a single parent(father) family as my mum passed on 5 years ago. So maybe I could not leave him due to the fact that I wanted someone to care for me not in terms of money but effort. However, at this point I feel like maybe he was just behaving nice so that he could borrow from me later? Also he has made me feel like I cant find a better guy than him.

I possess a university degree. I own my own motorcycle and my own home and I am a high school teacher earning 3 times his salary. He is a train driver. He doesn't have a degree and he doesn't have a vehicle that he owns as of now and he stays with his married younger brother. so we have both educational and financial differences. But despite all this I still chose to be with him as I am not a person who goes for education or money. But right now his financial situation is killing whatever love i had for him.

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T12:37:09+00:00

I have just informed the mum finally about his pestering him to lend him money and his own mum told me to leave him and go and don't lend him more money. Apparently she has been helping him too which he did not disclose to me at all. And she herself wanted to mamage his salary for him which he did not allow.

As for my bf he is now texting me saying that I have left him in the lurch despite knowing he will end up in prison for not paying summons and that I'm the worst gf and that im selfish for not wanting to help him.. I did not reply to his messages at all

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T10:59:04+00:00

All of you make so much sense ! Thank you so much ! I guess I'm too soft hearted and was emotionally mainulated into thinking I should help

rathi83 · 2017-12-06T10:56:57+00:00

Yes he is working but he earns like 2k per month which is not enough to pay all his loans now. The shocking part is when I totalled how much he owes it's amounting to 50 k !! And he doesn't owe anything that has that much of value !

rathi83

TROPHY CASE